Or, as we rather tend to believe, 6 days until we get to laugh our Imperial Arse off at guys like this one, mocking them ferociously in terms most derisive.

A New York man spent his entire $140,000 life savings advertising his prediction that the world will end May 21, the New York Post reported Friday.

While His Imperial Majesty can certainly understand the urge of a True Believer to shed himself of all worldly possessions if the world is for shit in a few days anyway, we can think of more than just a few more interesting ways to get rid of 140 grand than using them to plaster New Yawk subways with posters that will be utterly and totally ignored.

And none of them are lurid, licentious and/or vile either. OK, some of them, maybe.

Robert Fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old Staten Island resident, said he spent at least that sum on 1,000 subway-car placards and ads on bus kiosks and subway cars.

They say, “Global Earthquake: The Greatest Ever! Judgment Day May 21, 2011.”
In a self-published book, “The Doomsday Code,” Fitzpatrick said the Bible offers “proof that cannot be dismissed.”

The Bible is chock-full of proof that cannot be dismissed. It’s G-d’s Word, after all. However, that doesn’t mean that any passing goofball and nutjob’s interpretation of it is proof of anything other than a hyperactive imagination and an exaggerated opinion of one’s own intelligence.

“Judgment Day will surprise people. We will not be ready for it,” Fitzpatrick said in an interview with the newspaper.

Bloody hard to be surprised when loons such as yourself are plastering every available surface with proclamations that It’s COMING™, isn’t it? Oops… Sorry to burst your bubble there.

While you were busy with your slide rules, ancient charts of numerology and G-d only knows what else you used to gather your irrefutable proof from The Bible, did you come across any passages regarding mankind not knowing, not being able to know when The End actually occurs?

You did? Very well then. Discuss.

“A giant earthquake will render the earth uninhabitable.”

Sorry. If it hasn’t got the Four Bikers of the Apocalypse in it, we’re just not interested.

If you want to set an alarm clock, the quake will happen just before 6:00pm local time, he said.

The Bible is that specific? Sure it’s not a few minutes after 6:00pm? We mean, what with the thousands of years that have gone by, the gradual slowing of the Earth’s rotational speed etc. etc. Does The Bible take Daylight Saving Time into account?

No? Alright then. Saturday, just before 5:00pm Imperial Time, right after tea.

“God’s people will be resurrected. It is also the day that God stops saving anyone,” he said.

Fitzpatrick hopes that he is one of the chosen ones, but he could not be really certain.

“There’s just a little doubt,” he said. “Most churches teach that if you just believe, you will be saved. It is not our choice. It is God’s choice.”

You know what, Fitz? You got that right. If only you’d paid a bit more attention to your last sentence, then perhaps you wouldn’t be the laughing stock of the Empire on Saturday, right after 5:00pm CDT.

“It is G-d’s choice.”

Indeed.

And the next time you’re convinced you’ve got the precise ETA for The Big One™, please consider just cutting us a check instead. Provided you’ve amassed some new savings by then, of course.

Thatisall.

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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LC Random Numbers
Member
May 16, 2011 02:57

I didn’t know you read Gaiman, your Majesty. :em95:

Boryon
Member
Boryon
May 16, 2011 03:31

Wouldn’t that be Gaiman and Pratchett? :em95:

Radical Redneck
Member
Radical Redneck
May 16, 2011 04:21

Robert Fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old Staten Island resident

Um, he just made it too damn easy! :em41:

Living in Staten Island willingly, is like doing a muff dive and hitting the wrong hole…willingly! 😯

LC Gunsniper
Member
LC Gunsniper
May 16, 2011 04:52

Robert Fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old Staten Island resident, said he spent at least that sum on 1,000 subway-car placards and ads on bus kiosks and subway cars.

They say, “Global Earthquake: The Greatest Ever! Judgment Day May 21, 2011.”

I wonder how many people began scanning the entertainment section looking for movie start times because of these billboards?

Light29ID
Guest
Light29ID
May 16, 2011 06:07

Sorry. If it hasn’t got the Four Bikers of the Apocalypse in it, we’re just not interested.

Will they be riding these:

OCC

:em99: :em99: :em99:

GGE
Member
GGE
May 16, 2011 07:52

Who’s got the “I Survived The Big One” T shirt concession? I’ll take one for May 21st and another for December 2012 in 2XL.

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member

Note to any survivor’s,, all are invited to our Party to Celebrate Our Continued Existence, drop by n’ soak up some good life!
‘Been brewing like there’s no tomorrow,,

Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
Member
Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
May 16, 2011 09:42

“Judgment Day will surprise people. We will not be ready for it,” Fitzpatrick said in an interview with the newspaper. Um….most true Christians know about judgment day. We’ve read Revelation. That 6pm local time thing could be a problem. Suppose there’s a tourist from, say, Oz, who is reading the sign. Does that mean said tourist has to figure out… Read more »

Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
Member
Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
May 16, 2011 09:43

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech says:

like there’s no tomorrow,,

And, on the 21st (after 6pm local time), you’ll really be able to say that! :em69:

Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
Member
Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
May 16, 2011 09:44

Ack. sorry. messed up the quote. MANAGEMENT!!!!

[…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… -Venomous]

Lizard, G.L.O.R.
Member
Lizard, G.L.O.R.
May 16, 2011 13:08

When I first starting seeing those adds on the net I thought it was for a movie and didn’t bother to pay attention. Then found out some wackos actually think they know exactly what God said no one will know. That just made me laugh. I guess he thinks he is the modern day Noah.

LC Gladiator
Member
LC Gladiator
May 16, 2011 13:28

Actually, this may be a shrewd move by Fitz. By spending his $140k, he amps the sales of his book The Doomsday Code,” .Fitzpatrick may laugh all the way to the Bank with all the free publicity

ZeektheCruel
Member
ZeektheCruel
May 16, 2011 14:04

Response to LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech @: You brew also? I just bottled 70 pints of Bitters and an APA this past weekend for the race day weekend. Should be a good time. By the way, the APA is pretty damned good. Since it was brewed on the same day we god UBL, I named it “Seal Team… Read more »

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member

Gotta get me summa dat Zeek. Fine tribute! ‘Reckon’ you got tired of all that pussified beer flavored water on the shelves too. American ales are kinda’ bitter for our taste, but great crowd pleezers,, the one’s that ain’t pleased are usually too face down to complain. We’ve graduated to the dark stuff, lager’s n’ porter style. Our two popskull… Read more »

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
Member

And, trust me, I know Cheap’s beer. Good shit, Maynard!

LC Spare Parts
Member
LC Spare Parts
May 16, 2011 18:06

Bravo Sierra Mark Twain always said, “heaven for climate, but Hell for company.” Were I the Almighty, ninnies who blow 6 figures trying to manage Me up would get their pp’s wacked by the Nac Mac Feegle. And being on the Membership Committee for Hell, no mere mortal would attempt to rearrange my schedule. Besides we’re going to the North… Read more »

LC Roguetek
Member
LC Roguetek
May 16, 2011 20:00

Light29ID says:

Sorry. If it hasn’t got the Four Bikers of the Apocalypse in it, we’re just not interested.
Will they be riding these:
OCC

bite your tounge, heathen.

Lady H
Member
May 16, 2011 20:30

Sure, G-d the Father knows the time ,even His Son said He didn’t know it, but Christ did warn us about the signs. I’ve learned it’s best to not risk laughing at or about G-d about these things, just ask Noah’s neighbors. Not saying at all that his Majesty is laughing at the Almighty, but people do use these things… Read more »

LC Sir Intellectual Conservative 5th Columnist
Member

Off topic but this is interesting … but it also falls into ‘unforeseen consequences biting us’ ‘Berlin Patient’ claims stem cell therapy cured him of AIDS Lets assume for a moment this is a bona fide AIDS cure. Notice if you will, the article doesn’t say whether or not the genetically modified stem cells come from adults or are as… Read more »

Alan K. Henderson
Member
Alan K. Henderson
May 16, 2011 23:59

Sign I once saw on a college professor’s door back in the early 1980s:

DUE TO THE LACK OF EXPERIENCED TRUMPETERS THE END OF THE WORLD WILL BE POSTPONED SIX MONTHS.

LC Scott
Member
May 16, 2011 23:59

I think we can rule Embryonic Stem cells.
This article has some more info.

Link

LC Sir Intellectual Conservative 5th Columnist
Member

Response to LC Scott @: Thank you. I did not see that when I read some of the sublinks. Which leaves the issues of rationing under Ogabecare and millions of gays, drug abusers etc demanding to be treated because there’s a cure. In other words, ‘protected classes’. Now, imagine someone you love not getting their treatment because the cost curve… Read more »

LC Scott
Member
May 17, 2011 00:44

So does anyone want to hear this guy speak? He is on the air locally now.

Link.

readerjp
Member
readerjp
May 17, 2011 01:07

I’ve been seeing those ads in the subway, and thought they were for a movie. You gotta understand, where they’re really plastered is the walkway from Grand Central to the Times Square shuttle. And at that place, there are Jehovah’s Witnesses, people calling you to Jesus, black preachers, pamphleteers and musicians. People are always in a hurry anyway in NY,… Read more »

simonwise
Member
simonwise
May 17, 2011 01:17

What if he’s correct?

BO&KYAG!

Tallulah
Member
Tallulah
May 17, 2011 01:59

I saw this character on the subway Friday, holding a large posterboard version of his sign on two wooden sticks. He was having an animated and amiable conversation with a couple of black men; the New Yorkers in the car ignored him in their usual bored way.

And yes, the signs are all over town.

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
May 17, 2011 15:53

Many good points, one and all. But nobody mentioned doing things like say….maxing out your credit cards, hot checks, writing the IRS nasty letters, if your boss is an asshole, telling him so, all that fun shit you can’t do normally. I fully expect to go to work tomorrow, keep my bills in line, change my oil, mow the lawn,… Read more »

LC LOBO
Member
LC LOBO
May 17, 2011 17:11

What in the hell was that idiot smoking?? :em69: I could start quoting the verses but ya’ll know them. One must wonder who he voted for last election…..

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member

Emperor Misha I says:

You don’t have to be a Christian to know that. You just have to be human.

‘Wanna’ buy you a drink Sire! (AFTER we done gone through the stock on hand)

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Member

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery says: I’d rather live my life as if there were a Imaginary friend God and find out there wasn’t than live my life as if there weren’t a imaginary friend and find out there was. oooops, that should have read: I’d rather live my life as if there were a Imaginary friend God and… Read more »

LC LOBO
Member
LC LOBO
May 18, 2011 16:51

Lemme see, my “imaginary friend” has, gotten me sober, put a wonderful, beautiful woman in my life, and I’m getting job offers. Funny, none of this was happening before. But, then your eyes are blinded by the ruler of this world. I’ll pray for you.

LC Gunsniper
Member
LC Gunsniper
May 18, 2011 17:16

well, THAT is condescending……. He’s also ripping off George Carlin. I’m not a believer in any particular faith however I find it more credible that an entity far greater than the sum of our physical universe brought about what we call “creation” than matter making itself, in complete contradiction to the law of conservation of mass, into being by blind… Read more »

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Member

LC LOBO says: Lemme see, my “imaginary friend” has, gotten me sober congratulations on that LOBO. May your imaginary friend ( we share that friend by the way) grant you serenity, courage, and wisdom. There are a few of us on the Rott who are walking the road you’re on right now. We do it together, some are a little… Read more »

LC Sir M - Imperial Tobacconist™, K.o.E.
Guest

Saturday, just before 5:00pm Imperial Time, right after tea.

Also shortly after brillig, the time of day when one begins roasting the meat for dinner.

Will be a moot point anyway. After all, everyone knows that the US Government’s HAARP project is going to set off the New Madrid fault on the 20th.

ZeektheCruel
Member
ZeektheCruel
May 19, 2011 20:05

Response to LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech @:

“Front- towards enemy” and “The stairs want to kill you”

LOL! Very creative!

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member

LOBO,, I eavesdropped some good advice once: If you’d like a drink, have a nice one. If you NEED a drink,,run away! If you can’t do anything without a drink,, find a trusted friend,, ,,EVEN IF it’s an “imaginary” one,, you still have a friend, and a way out of a horrible prison that no one else can see or… Read more »

LC LOBO
Member
LC LOBO
May 20, 2011 16:39

Response to Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery @:
No problem Bro, you got my FB page, and so does Cheap. And I just want to say to ALL who have supported me in this, THANK YOU.

Love, Honor, & Respect
Ed B.
6-13-10

LC LittleRott84 Imperial DJ
Member
LC LittleRott84 Imperial DJ
May 20, 2011 20:25

I first heard about them while dx-ing (flipping through shortwave radio stations to see what you can find), and this was one of the first. I looked them up on the internet, and I can see why the wool can be pulled over one’s eye by listening to this. Oh, and great job on your sobriety, Ed. Keep it up.… Read more »

ThePaganTemple
Member
May 20, 2011 22:24

Frankly, I feel sorry for the guy. He’s an old dude. Who knows what’s going on with him, he could have Alzheimer’s or some other shit like that. He’s obviously delusional at least, assuming he’s not pulling a scam.