The good citizens of Hawaii got a major scare when some otherwise unemployable government drone accidentally sent out a state wide warning that a ballistic missile was inbound, with an added “THIS IS NOT A DRILL” just to make sure that anybody with a tendency to heart problems would stop being a burden on Hawaii’s remaining ObamaCare plans.

The said dimwit was, it would seem, not only too daft to not initiate the state wide warning, but also failed to click on “cancel/no” when the giant “ARE YOU SURE?” popup started flashing in front of his face. Perhaps he, being a government employee, was too busy surfing pr0n or playing Words with Friends to pay attention.

But at least he’s feeling really, really bad about it, so all is forgiven.

“This guy feels bad, right. He’s not doing this on purpose – it was a mistake on his part and he feels terrible about it,” said Miyagi in a press conference Saturday afternoon.

Miyagi, a retired Army major general, said the employee would be “counseled and drilled so this never happens again,” but he did not say whether there would be disciplinary measures.

Which, considering that we’re talking about a government employee here, is slightly less likely to happen than somebody winning the Powerball 32 weeks in a row. Without buying a single ticket.

More likely, the blisteringly incompetent parasite will be given an extended leave with full pay, then be promoted to a managerial position in Human Resources.

But at least the government of Hawaii stepped in with all of the efficiency that government workers all over the world are known for and, after a mere 38 minutes, managed to send out a message via the same system that it was all a mistake, which was approximately 35 minutes after all Hawaiians with a Twitter account had already learned the same thing by simply clicking through their news feed.

You just can’t beat the government when it comes to rapid response!

At least the good people of Hawaii can find comfort in the expectation that should, Heaven forbid, an actual nuclear strike occur, their “early” warning system will be right on top of that shit at least 35 minutes after they’ve all become radioactive dust particles and thus won’t have to spend their remaining minutes on Earth in a panic.


UPDATE: Can we call them or what? (OK, not a tough call. It would have taken an Act of G-d to get a public “worker” fired. Scaring a few million people shitless and sending a few grannies off to an early grave with a heart attack doesn’t even register on that scale).


By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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