Great Moments in Governance (UPDATED)

The good citizens of Hawaii got a major scare when some otherwise unemployable government drone accidentally sent out a state wide warning that a ballistic missile was inbound, with an added “THIS IS NOT A DRILL” just to make sure that anybody with a tendency to heart problems would stop being a burden on Hawaii’s remaining ObamaCare plans.

The said dimwit was, it would seem, not only too daft to not initiate the state wide warning, but also failed to click on “cancel/no” when the giant “ARE YOU SURE?” popup started flashing in front of his face. Perhaps he, being a government employee, was too busy surfing pr0n or playing Words with Friends to pay attention.

But at least he’s feeling really, really bad about it, so all is forgiven.

“This guy feels bad, right. He’s not doing this on purpose – it was a mistake on his part and he feels terrible about it,” said Miyagi in a press conference Saturday afternoon.

Miyagi, a retired Army major general, said the employee would be “counseled and drilled so this never happens again,” but he did not say whether there would be disciplinary measures.

Which, considering that we’re talking about a government employee here, is slightly less likely to happen than somebody winning the Powerball 32 weeks in a row. Without buying a single ticket.

More likely, the blisteringly incompetent parasite will be given an extended leave with full pay, then be promoted to a managerial position in Human Resources.

But at least the government of Hawaii stepped in with all of the efficiency that government workers all over the world are known for and, after a mere 38 minutes, managed to send out a message via the same system that it was all a mistake, which was approximately 35 minutes after all Hawaiians with a Twitter account had already learned the same thing by simply clicking through their news feed.

You just can’t beat the government when it comes to rapid response!

At least the good people of Hawaii can find comfort in the expectation that should, Heaven forbid, an actual nuclear strike occur, their “early” warning system will be right on top of that shit at least 35 minutes after they’ve all become radioactive dust particles and thus won’t have to spend their remaining minutes on Earth in a panic.


UPDATE: Can we call them or what? (OK, not a tough call. It would have taken an Act of G-d to get a public “worker” fired. Scaring a few million people shitless and sending a few grannies off to an early grave with a heart attack doesn’t even register on that scale).


Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
6 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
4 Comment authors
LCBrendanFa Cube ItchesangrywebmasterTerrapod Recent comment authors
newest oldest most voted
Notify of

I suppose it is now Politically Incorrect(c) to “call a spade a spade” as we all know spades are black and are used to dig shitholes?

Schumer, Durbin, Waters and a whole slew of others need to go to their rest homes in Haiti, and let the rest of us get on with the real world. :em07:


Eh, missed the tag target, but it applies to Hawaii too


We were talking about that screw up in the office this morning. One of the guys I work with used to work in the reactor area on a Nimitz class. I made a few comments. First, the flight time for a NK ICBM to Hawaii is about 37 minutes. The all clear went out after 38 minutes. I guess they… Read more »

Fa Cube Itches
Fa Cube Itches

with an added “THIS IS NOT A DRILL” just to make sure that anybody with a tendency to heart problems would stop being a burden on Hawaii’s remaining ObamaCare plans.

It also adds some of that retro “AIR RAID PEARL HARBOR” style.

Fa Cube Itches
Fa Cube Itches

Terrapod @ #:1

need to go to their rest homes in Haiti,

I’ve never seen “be found bound and facedown in a ditch” spelled that way before.


Source Well apparently Hawaii’s Emergency Management Agency didn’t get the memo because, not only did they have a system password stored on a Post-it-note, they allowed it to be photographed and sent out for all the world to see. An agency spokesman, Richard Rapoza, told Hawaii News Now that the password is authentic and was used for an “internal application”.… Read more »