Thank G-d For Those Wonderful, Vibrant, Diverse, Equally Important and Valuable Cultures of the World

Such as the In-Absolutely-No-Way-Inferior-You-RAYCISS!™ culture of Malawi, which is apparently the name of some G-d forsaken shithole of a country that we’ve never heard of until now.

Doctors in Malawi have been beaten for carrying stethoscopes by vigilante mobs who believe they are vampires using the instruments to suck blood.
Medics have also been robbed and had their vehicles smashed, while ambulances have been attacked as patients were taken to hospital, a doctors’ association said.

You’d think the nose-bone wearing savages would have gone for the phlebotomists first, wouldn’t you?

The Society of Medical Doctors in Malawi said a case of ‘mass hysteria’ sweeping the south of the country has led thousands of people to believe there are vampires in their midst.

Much like the mass hysteria sweeping these United States of America that has led millions of people to believe that everybody’s Hitler and that Felonia von Pantsuit is an actual human being.

In a statement, society president Dr Amos Salimanda Nyaka said: ‘We are disturbed by the reports of thuggery that has resulted into some health workers being attacked for carrying a stethoscope.

Bloody RAYCISS! How DARE you complain about the vibrancy and beauty of those wonderful people and their elevated and advanced culture!

‘No health worker can suck blood with a stethoscope.’

That’s not entirely true. Being familiar with the implement in question, we believe that it WOULD indeed be possible, though incredibly and unnecessarily complicated, compared to other more straight forward methods. Not to mention that it WOULD be impossible to suck it with one’s ears.

Dr Nyaka added that there is ‘no evidence’ the vampires are real, and instead blamed the situation on ‘Shared Delusion Disorder’.

See also: “Progressive Socialism”, “Social Justice”, “Black Lives Matter”, “Antifa” etc. etc. ad nauseam.

Just think about how wonderful it would be if we could have all of these authentic, vibrant vampire hunters imported over here to beat up and murder people for carrying a stethoscope?

Another reason we’re grateful that Felonia von Pantsuit didn’t win.



  1. 1
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    You can’t fix stupid. However, perhaps we coujd send Felonia on a good will tour of Malawi and drop the hint that she is an actual vampire? She’s quite good at sucking the money out of people’s wallets.

    Another reason we’re grateful that Felonia von Pantsuit didn’t win.

    I gather you didn’t see the story regarding Larry Lessig? He’s figured out a way to get Felonia named President.
    Of course he is a Harvard Law professor so I’m sure he knows exactly what he’s doing.
    Stories like that almost make me happy I didn’t get the job there. (Interviewed for an IT job at Harvard Law last year)

  2. 2
    Ironbear growls and barks:

    The Emperor’s back! Good to see ya, Misha.

    This is part deux, Vampires of Malawi the Sequel: there was a rash of vampire attacks in various parts of Malawi between 2002 and 2004, also. The President of Malawi got caught up in the controversy and blame for the vampires at one point, and a radio journalist was beaten by a mob in Blantyre one year toward the end. And a Malawi politician was stoned by a mob after being accused of being a vampire.

    So, this isn’t a new thing: it’s a frenzy that apparently sweeps Malawi every fifteen years or so. (Or maybe the vampires are cyclical and they hibernate between waves of attacks, hmm?)

    I chronicled the first (known) outbreak over the three years between 2002 and 2004 in the DailySpam! at RFI, mostly because it tickled my sense of the absurd.

    On the other hand, it’s not all bad: the vampires have driven the UN out of Malawi, so they have that going for them –

  3. 3
  4. 4
    LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology growls and barks:

    I can’t wait until the 8th to celebrate; Flake’s out! :em01:

    (Srsly, tho. What the hell happened to AWD??)

  5. 5
    Fa Cube Itches growls and barks:

    When you get down to it, is believing that stethoscope wearers are vampires really any more fucked up that believing in global warming, magic dirt, that here are no differences whatsoever between men and women, that there are 74 of whatever it is up to now sexes, crystals and herbal teas can cure cancer and all manner of other diseases, or that socialism really can totally work you guys!?

  6. 6
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Radical Redneck @ #:
    Content is apparently not available. Must have been good.

  7. 7
    Muzzy - Imperial Ignorant Slut growls and barks:

    So, how do you guys think Trump is doing so far? Marks out of ten.

  8. 8
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Muzzy – Imperial Ignorant Slut @ #:

    Probably an 7-8. There are a few things I think he should be doing, mostly in crushing the Democrats and RINO’s once and for all, but in general, ” rel=”nofollow”>this picture says it all.

  9. 9
    VonZorch Imperial Researcher growls and barks:

    Muzzy – Imperial Ignorant Slut @ #:
    About a 3. Which is an order of magnitude better than any President since 1926.

  10. 10
    VonZorch Imperial Researcher growls and barks:

    And yes that includes Reagan.

  11. 11
    Muzzy - Imperial Ignorant Slut growls and barks:

    Thanks. I’ve got a follow-up question. It might sound like I’m taking the piss but I’m honestly not. To what extent is your approval of Trump based on how much he pisses off people on the far left? By far left, I mean the anti-fa and SJW crowd.

    See, here’s the thing. I consider myself fairly left wing. I’ve been ignorantly slutting about on this website for about a decade and I reckon most of the regulars are probably fairly familiar with my views, at least in a general, round-about way. Specifically, I’m in favour of progressive taxation, gay marriage, green jobs, the social-safety net, ending the drug war, SoCaS, and universal health care. In fact, the only thing I’m really right of centre on is gun control and I live in England where it doesn’t matter anyway.

    Yet despite all this, I’m genuinely embarrassed to tell strangers that I’m a lefty. The left in its most modern incarnation (what I like to call ‘Millennial leftism’ or ‘campus leftism’) is just a ghoulish melange of double-standards, intellectual dishonesty, cry-bullying, holier-than-thou sanctimony, and nauseating hypocritical bullshit. It’s no longer enough to support sensible wealth redistribution policies to curb the excesses of the free market, and it’s no longer enough to want the government to just allow people to live and let live, marry whom they want, smoke what they want, and say what they want.

    No. Nowadays, to be a “proper” liberal, you also have to believe in fairy tales. You have to believe that women get paid 78 cents on the dollar for the exact same work as men (they don’t). You have to believe that the best way to combat dissenting views is to ensure they don’t get aired in the first place (and, if such airings are unavoidable, that “safe-spaces” are available to cloister vulnerable spectators). You have to believe that “cultural appropriation” is basically 21st century slavery. You have to be blind to the cynical brutality of Islamism but heaven forfend a white guy wear a MAGA hat or refuse to beg forgiveness for his fucking “privilege”.

    It’s just excruciating, and I firmly believe the prevalence of this kind of masochistic pseudo-liberalism is one of the driving forces behind the rise of Trump. People are just so sick of these social justice hypocrites, their foot-stamping, their no-platforming, their online shaming campaigns and their perpetual high-dudgeon that they’re just slingshotting to the exact opposite end of the political spectrum in a desperate effort to get away from them.

    I don’t like Trump. I am most definitely not a fan. I disagree with a lot of the things he’s done. But for the SJW crowd it’s not enough to say you disagree with Trump, because you can’t merely disagree with the Devil Incarnate. You have to denounce him, and anyone who follows him. It’s gotten to the point where, much as I disagree with Trump, it’s almost worth having him be President just to enjoy the symphony of autistic screeching from the far left. And if someone like me, with all my lefty bona-fides, is feeling that way, God knows how people in the middle are feeling.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that the new left (or alt-left, whatever) are basically acting as a recruiting tool for Trump, and he couldn’t have won without them. This is hardly a new insight. Indeed, I’ve felt this way for nearly 2 years. I was just wondering how much you guys agreed (if at all) and how much the mad antics of the alt-left contributed to your decision to vote Trump. Like, if SJWs didn’t exist and if Trump had been running against someone other than Hillary, do you still reckon he would have won?

  12. 12
    VonZorch Imperial Researcher growls and barks:

    Muzzy – Imperial Ignorant Slut @ #:
    My rating is based on my estimate of the things he promised to do that he is actually doing. This is mostly undoing Obummer’s clearly illegal executive orders.
    That he is making leftard heads explode doing it is not a part of my approval, but it is a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

  13. 13
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Good to hear from you Muzzy!

    And you bring up a lot of good points, but that’s precisely because you’re NOT one of the autistic, fanatical cry-bullies with a collective IQ of a marmite sandwich.

    Yes, I do believe that the election might have turned out differently had the Progs run something less vile and despicable than Felonia von Pantsuit AND if they’d not spent 8 years pissing off the majority of Americans who, contrary to the delusion they inhabit themselves, aren’t Prozi autists with a fascist worldview.

    People in general, and Americans in particular, have a really bad reaction to scolding, nagging, fascist besserwisser, and when you add to that a “conservative” Republican party who haven’t conserved a damn thing in the last 50 years, yet keep telling their voters that the piss washing down their worn backs is purest Moet, that’s when you get somebody like Trump.

    As a warning shot. Because if they manage to get rid of him without changing their stripes, BOTH of those disgusting, useless, thieving scumbag parties, the next thing they’ll get will make them even less happy.

    Is my support controlled by how much he makes the autists REEEEE? No, not really. My support is based on how much of what he said he’d be doing that he actually gets done. But I will readily admit to the fact that his ability to make the fat little proglodyte degenerates cry on command doesn’t endear him any less to my heart.

    Because I’m evil that way.

    And also, somebody with enemies like his can’t be all bad. 🙂

    Hopefully we’ll one day have a world where lefties like you and righties like me can once again disagree like adults, but first we have to rip the diapers off the NuLeft and choke them with them.

    For the Children™