CNN, the Biggest Name in Doxxing

Listen, His Imperial Majesty has long cautioned the ProgNazi Left against pushing their bullshit terroristic attacks upon people who don’t agree with them. We’ve said, time and time again, that if they keep doing it, sooner or later they’re going to push it too far, and then they’ll realize that they chose… poorly.

We’ve been saying this not out of a deep abiding concern for the well-being of the Prozis sure to be killed, injured, maimed and mutilated in the ensuing mayhem, but because no conflict in the history of mankind has ever had all of the damage limited to the deserving side of said conflict. In the end, everybody ends up dirty. Besides, as cosmically offensive as the fascist Prozi tards are, we really do believe that they have a Constitutional right to hold deeply moronic, offensive and twat-brained opinions and, on top of that, where would we be for material if we didn’t have them to mock endlessly?

We’re also far from the only one to caution the Prozis against their jihad against normal people. Many, many more widely read pundits, writers, thinkers and whatnot have been saying the exact same thing, over and over again: Listen, you twunts, if you keep this up you’re going to get hurt. Badly. And you’re not the ones extensively trained in violence and the proper, effective use of heavy weaponry.

And so, on the 4th of July, no less, CNN decided to crank the Doomsday Clock a bit closer to midnight.

We’re sure you all already know most of the story, but for completion’s sake, let’s start with the beginning:

Some rando (that’s how the kids describe posters on the Internet sometimes) posted this gif:

Now, clearly, to anybody with an IQ high enough to operate a can opener (that is to say, anybody with an IQ high enough that “journalism school” wasn’t the ONLY option for continued education), the above is a satirical comment on the extremely, ultra bad few weeks CNN had just had, having had to fire numerous star employees over fake stories, watching their ratings plummet, being exposed as lying shits in undercover videos made by the absolutely awesome James O’Keefe’s Veritas Project and so on and so on.

CNN has been on a single-minded crusade to undermine and destroy the current president since even before he was sworn in, that’s a fact, and yet they keep getting brutally pwned, as the kids say, by reality and The Donald. You may not think the gif above particularly funny or artistic, but you can’t possibly rationally disagree that it’s anything more than a giant “neener” to the pompous prickgobblers at CNN.

Unless you’re one of them, of course. They had a complete meltdown because of it. For days they couldn’t stop talking about how this was a clear call to violence against journalists, how it was literally Hitler and worse than the Holocaust and how it was a direct threat to the “sacred role” of media, whatever the actual fuck that might be.

No mention, of course, of all of their own actual encouragement to violence against Republicans which ultimately resulted in Rep. Scalise and others getting sent to ICU after being gunned down by one of CNNs regular viewers. Doesn’t fit Teh Narrative™, you know.

And then they went to phase II, which was to sic their crack investigative team on the task of finding out who the anonymous rando original poster actually was. Of course, Internet “anonymity” being what it is, they succeeded. Upon which they started trying to get in contact with him, presumably for “comment.” We obviously don’t know exactly how they did so, but it’s really not hard to guess. Voicemails, emails, texts etc., all of them obviously including the guy’s actual name.

The guy, naturally, having seen what happens to people who get a CNN lynch mob sicced on them (anybody remember Justine Sacco? That particular witch hunt was, by the way, led by the same CNN pus bag, Andrew Kaczynski in charge of this one), immediately deleted pretty much everything he’d ever posted that might be considered offensive and contacted CNN to give them a groveling, panicked, tearful “apology” that was even less convincing than the ones we’ve seen beaten and tortured out of Americans captured by savages abroad.

But never mind, CNN had gotten its pound of flesh and then… the mistake. They decided to crow about it:

After posting his apology, “HanA**holeSolo” called CNN’s KFile and confirmed his identity. In the interview, “HanA**holeSolo” sounded nervous about his identity being revealed and asked to not be named out of fear for his personal safety and for the public embarrassment it would bring to him and his family.

CNN is not publishing “HanA**holeSolo’s” name because he is a private citizen who has issued an extensive statement of apology, showed his remorse by saying he has taken down all his offending posts, and because he said he is not going to repeat this ugly behavior on social media again. In addition, he said his statement could serve as an example to others not to do the same.

CNN reserves the right to publish his identity should any of that change.[Emphasis ours - Emp.M.]

The kid (CNN is now claiming that he’s not a kid but an adult, wait, a middle-aged adult, but anybody taking anything they’re saying seriously at this point are really off their meds. Ultimately, his age doesn’t matter anyway) was clearly terrified and CNN, being the magnanimous, benevolent rulers and arbiters of what may and may not be said on the Internetz, having detailed the extent of his self-abasing groveling and kissing of their filthy feet, graciously decided that he’d paid enough penance for giving them the sadz.

Unless, of course, he were to transgress against their Most Holy Selves in some undefined future, in which case…

CNN is also now claiming that they didn’t threaten anybody. That it was, indeed, the rando poster himself who contacted them to apologize before they’d even spoken to him.

Which is likely true, actually. Certified mail, voicemails, emails, texts etc., whatever might have been the case, do not count as “speaking with”, they’re attempts to get a hold of somebody so you can speak with them. But, again, unless you’re at least seven evolutionary steps below paramecia, you know full well what receiving such a communication means. Once again: Remember Justine Sacco?

That was the threat, right there, followed by the one in the article quoted above in the last line. We’ll give them one thing: No, there wasn’t an implied threat. The threat was quite direct, unambiguous and to the point: You keep your nose clean from now on, kid, or we’ll destroy you, capice?


All of this they did on the 4th of July. It’s as if they’re deliberately trying to get themselves buried in a shitstorm of truly epic proportions.

Speaking of shitstorms, as they asked, so did they receive. 4chan and the various and sundry other armies of Weaponized Autists out there are on this thing like a ginormous swarm of very angry, very determined and highly effective wasps with huge stingers. Because if there is ONE thing that the various memelords, shitposters and autists out there cannot, will not ever forgive, it’s doxxing. And if there is one thing they don’t know how to do, it’s to stop something they’ve started until the target of their ire is a smoking pile of worthless rubble. Never underestimate the powers of Weaponized Autism. Shia la Beefhead sure won’t. Shia who? Our point exactly.

As of this writing, their Twatter feed is a pretty much unreadable endless storm of memes. Highly hilarious, but not of very much use to them, we’re sure. And we’re also sure that any employees of CNN who have anything even remotely embarrassing in their pasts are sleeping very uneasily these days. If not, they should be. Not because of fear of violence, far from it, that’s only in their fevered masturbatory fantasies where they’re brave warriors of truth, but because those embarrassing “secrets” may very well not be secret for much longer.

One bad doxx deserves another, as one might say. Think on it, CNN swine.

Finally, there’s the legal angle. We’re not a legal eagle, but Senator Ted Cruz most certainly is, and he was on Twatter wondering if CNN might just have committed multiple felonies in coercing a third party. All we can say is that we feel bad for the head of CNN’s legal department right now. Imagine him coming in after a nice 4th of July weekend to find THAT pile of shit that the Einsteins of the company he works for dumped on his desk. There simply aren’t enough pharmaceuticals in the world to cope with that.

CNN: You’ve spent months hyperventilating about how every single criticism of you and your fellow presstitutes is “encouraging violence” against journaljizzmers. You are, of course, entirely wrong about that.

But if you really want an example of the kind of thing that DOES encourage just that, you just provided the world with one.

Congratulations, we suppose.



  1. 1
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    CNN’s ratings aren’t just falling, from what I read this morning, they’re collapsing. Reruns on TVland are beating them now.
    Time Warner is trying to sell its self, either to Charter of ATT. (I’ve heard both are looking) Do they really think the antics of the CNN division are going to actually improve the value of the corporation?
    If such a sale does take place, I can see some serious restructuring of CNN. Who knows? It might eventually end up being called the “Conservative News Network” in 5 years.
    Of course that means every single current employee will have been walked out the door, including the janitors.
    angrywebmaster recently posted..CNN discovers the “Streisand Effect”My Profile

  2. 2
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    I have a new word for all of you, courtesy of Baen’s Bar and it’s creator, JH. (I don’t want to give CNN any chance of finding him. He won’t back down and it could end very badly…for CNN)

    Proglodyte, Noun; 1. A person who believes in all progressive causes as they will advance human society.

    2. A person who actively participates in progressive demonstrations and or marches as they are the most effective means of changing human society.

    3. The next step in human consciousness and social awareness who will bring about the next phase of human society.

    Actual definition

    Proglodyte, Noun; 1. Much like their ancient counterparts, proglodytes live in caves, albeit of their own making, called safe spaces.

    2. A person who lives in their safe spaces in order to contemplate progressive causes no matter the illogic or opposing nature’s of the causes.

    3. A person so ignorant of history and the real world they brashly, unjustifiably righteous, and arrogantly push their causes and beliefs onto human society without contemplating the possible effects or that they could be wrong.

    angrywebmaster recently posted..Trump takes PolandMy Profile

  3. 3
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    If the publisher of Webster’s Dictionary offers any sort of prize for new words created to fit a modern situations, this is hands down the best one I have seen in years. Kudos to JH whomever he may be :em01:

    I will be using this new word frequently from here on out. Proglodytes – perfect!

  4. 4
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Terrapod @ #:

    I will be using this new word frequently from here on out. Proglodytes – perfect!

    May the Trolls be with you.
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Mayor De Blasio shows what he thinks is importantMy Profile

  5. 5
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    angrywebmaster @ #:
    And I have just received permission to name the creator of this great new work and definition.
    He’s a denizen of Baen’s Bar named Justin Herald. He appreciated my concern that CNN might want to do something stupid. His response?

    If the diseased dipshits release my info, then they’re responsible for any snowflakes that show up to protest and get a Gladius in the guts.

    angrywebmaster recently posted..New word: Proglodyte, NounMy Profile

  6. 6
    LCBrendan growls and barks:

    I never had much time for 4chan. They seemed..odd..and at times on the lunatic fringe. Recent events, however, have me smiling and cheering for them…His Imperial Vileness is right when he refers to them as weaponised….it seems odd that in this day and age of weapons, technology, missiles…4chan has proven that they are the masters of the truest and deadliest weapon of the 21st Century.


    I dont hold with doxxing at the best of times.


    Where CNN is concerned…and after this latest debacle?


    Priority Code: Red Seven dash Two Four Zulu.

    From: LCBrendan, Officer commanding, Pacific Operations of the Rott Empire
    To: 4Chan.


    Now hear this. Nose hot.


    I say again


    You are clear to engage. Target is at your discretion.

    Good hunting.


  7. 7
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Hark the Herald sings
    Proglodytes everywhere are dement’d
    Knowing not where to fling
    Invective, vitriol ineffective

    Lies, distortions evanescent
    Newsroom pink slips, a disasta’
    Reality and 4chan ascendant
    Pity the fools not one iota

    Trumpian times are upon us
    Washington trembles anon
    Lovely, beautiful draining swamps
    While contress fiddles on

    March on antifa fools
    Your days are waning
    Yet you have not a clue
    So much winning

    Marx, Lenin, Mao and Stalin
    Await you at the gates of Hell
    Keep up the destruction
    For you it won’t end well

  8. 8
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    congress – third stanza – no edit function :em02:

  9. 9
    Fa Cube Itches growls and barks:

    Jake Lingle Memorial Award for Journalistic Integrity, presented to each network and news paper every 15 minutes until they wise up or we run out of media people.