Crazy, Sentient Truck Commits Act of Terror in Sweden

Stockholm (CNN)A suspect arrested on Friday after a stolen truck barreled into pedestrians on a busy Stockholm street —

Will nobody do anything to stop the scourge of crazy trucks murdering people???

Well, at least Swedish police appears to have arrested a suspect, which can’t have been all that hard. Clearly, they were looking for a truck with some serious frontal body damage. Hopefully nobody were injured when they made the arrest and clamped the wheels of this dangerous, murderous truck.

leaving at least four people dead — is being held of suspicion of perpetrating a terror attack, a government official has said.

The man in custody, whose appearance matches the description of a person of interest, is being held on “suspicion of terrorist crimes through murder,” Karin Rosander, spokeswoman for Sweden’s prosecutor’s office, told CNN via email early Saturday.
A dozen people were injured in the attack Friday, in what appeared to be the latest use of a vehicle as a weapon of terror in Europe.

Wait. They arrested “a man” (you have to admire this attention to detail when describing the suspect) and he “used the vehicle as a weapon?”

Well why didn’t you tell us so up front, FNN?

Just kidding. We think we both know why you didn’t, don’t we?

Of course we do. For the exact same reason that at no point in the entire rest of your carefully scrubbed (of fact) article, there is not a single word of description regarding the subject beyond “a man.” Good thing it wasn’t a woman, or we wouldn’t even know the murderer’s gender from your article.

Based on you assiduously sterilizing your article of facts, we can only assume that the perp was a white, straight, conservative Christian male.

Oh snap! Guess we were wrong. Imagine our surprise!

Oh snap! Guess we were wrong. Imagine our surprise!

Thatisall.

8 comments

  1. 1
    LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. growls and barks:

    Truck lives matter.

  2. 2
    Farmor, LC, GLOR and Imperial Mother growls and barks:

    Actually he was kickede out of Sweden in 2016, men refused to leave. Instead he hided and lived there illegally until now. And he admitted – he was the one drived the truck.Besides he was from Usbeqistan (Maybe not spelled the right way)

    Farmor

  3. 3
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Allow me to help the Swedigh press.

    “AAAANNNDD It’s Muslims.”
    :em08:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..PETA: Milk is RAYSIST!!!!My Profile

  4. 4
    LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology growls and barks:

    Drivin’ down the road in the Truck of Peace
    On a busy highway…..

  5. 5
    Ironbear growls and barks:

    We need Common Sense Truck Control. For the children.
    Ironbear recently posted..Final CrossingMy Profile

  6. 6
    LC Rabidfox growls and barks:

    angrywebmaster @ #:
    Are they allowed to say that in Sweden?

  7. 7
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC Rabidfox says:

    Are they allowed to say that in Sweden?

    The wonders of European “freedom of speech”. You can say what you want, as long as it follows government guidelines for what is permissible to say.”
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..World War II Fought in Error, Results RecalledMy Profile

  8. 8
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    LC Rabidfox @ #:

    Are they allowed to say that in Sweden?

    Probably not, but all I care about are Swedish meatballs and the Swedish Bikini team tucking me in at night.
    :em01: :em05:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..The Constitution has been savedMy Profile