Syria Palooza (UPDATED)

UPDATE: LC & IB Fran has more along the same lines, except he does it better. As always. Tell us again what was so horrible about this bombing? Original post follows:

Well that was… interesting.

To get a few things out of the way first: No, we don’t give an Imperial fart that that pencil-necked freak Assad took one to the crotch, particularly since no American lives were endangered. Boots on the ground would have been a deal breaker for us, because we see exactly zero justification for sacrificing as much as an American stubbed toe in that part of the world. And slapping him in the face over the use of chemical weapons is as good of a reason as any. We do NOT want the rest of the world to know that gassing people is OK, or that we’ll just sit idly by and let shit escalate, the operative word here being “escalate.”

Because once the world gets the idea that chemical weapons are OK and won’t have serious consequences, then it’s on to even worse things. Bio weapons and nukes come immediately to mind.

So no, we don’t care. The Russians will get over it. We gave them fair warning and it wasn’t their stuff we blew up.

Finally, from a purely realpolitik-ish point of view, it’s about time the world got put on notice that the happy days of dithering and no consequences are over. We’ve said it a million times before: For one’s powers and threats to have any deterrent value at all, they need to be used from time to time. Otherwise you end up with the world’s court jester, Jugears, and the long term consequences of that are a million times worse than a few busted buildings and offended world powers.

For that purpose, dumping 59 cruise missiles on somebody over one of the big no-nos is as good of a reason as any. It gets the point across: If you fuck with shit that we’ve told you time and time again that shouldn’t be fucked with, there’ll be consequences, real ones, and you won’t get to wait, argue and plead with us for months on end before they happen either. Or, as has been the case in the past, before nothing whatsoever happens at all.

We’re fairly certain that quite a few tinpot dictators across the planet had indigestion after that strike. Good. That’s as it should be.

Now, the real hairy part is “what’s next?”

“Nothing”, should be the answer to that one, unless Dumbo Assad decides to place his baby paws on the hot stove again. We have an embarrassingly large number of high explosives and their delivery systems, after all. It’s not like we gain anything from letting them rust. But we doubt he will.

We do not want to waste a single drop of American blood on that shithole. First, it’s not worth it. Second, it’s not worth it and third, did we mention it’s not worth it? Let them kill each other. Or not. Up to them, really. They have nothing that is of any use to us. Any important use, anyway. Another thing is that, as big of a bastard as Assad is, a lot of the ones fighting him aren’t particularly palatable either. They’re the exact opposite. Let’s not forget the resounding success that was Libya, shall we?

Unless, of course, we really DO want to “regime change” the place, old school. It’s not like it can’t be done, just ask Germany and Japan, but do we really want to waste decades in that sandbox shoving a civilized system down their throats? More importantly, don’t we have better things to do? Not to mention that such a thing would sound kind of strange coming from an “America First” President, to say the very least.

And then there are our sincere doubts that this nation, as a whole, even has the will and fortitude to regime change anything old school anymore, so it would most likely end up every bit the success that Iraq was, where we get tired of yesterday’s “burning issue”, declare victory, and go home.

So no. Just. No. Absolutely no. If McStain and his girlfriend Lindsay are still getting all sexually aroused about war with Syria, then give them each a rifle, a pretty pink one for Lindsay, and ship them off via airmail. Good riddance. Make them cheap rifles too.

Not to mention Russia. Now, we do not honestly believe that Russia wants war with the U.S. over Assad, but we do know that His Imperial Majesty doesn’t want war with Russia over Assad, and if D.C. decide that they do, then they can go fucking well fight it themselves. We are not watching the Imperial Heirs marched off to fight and die because a bunch of impotent, geriatric farts in D.C. are still trying to figure out how to get an erection.

We’ll see. Right now, our Imperial estimate says that President Trump’s objective here was to let the world in general and Assad in particular know that actions have consequences. Immediate, not open for negotiation ones.

We could be wrong. Let’s pray that we’re not.


P.S.: As a footnote, try as we may, we haven’t been able to figure out the “why?” from Assad’s point of view. It was our impression that he was busy winning already, with a little help from his new best friend, Vladimir Vladimirovich, so why? Was he thinking nothing would happen? Was he trying to see if President Trump is Jugears? If so, that’s some high stakes industrial grade stupidity, right there. No, we’re not pulling the tinfoil out of the closet here, even though we know that conspiritards (thanks, sestrichka!) all over the world are already emptying shelves of the stuff, we just can’t quite figure this one out.

P.P.S.: Oh, and Prozis? How’s that whole “Trump is Literally Hitler and Putin’s Illegally Installed Puppet” narrative working out for you now? Do tell. We’re dying to know.

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April 8, 2017 22:10

I liked that he just kicked their ass and went home.
It wasn’t a bunch of tents or an aspirin factory, it was real.

That’s the way to do it. It also let Russia know we’re back.
Nuke The Moon baby.

April 8, 2017 23:31

Was he thinking nothing would happen? Was he trying to see if President Trump is Jugears?


Assad thought nothing had changed and Trump was “all talk”. He expected another impotent UN resolution. He expected that the new President was gutless and would follow on with Obama’s incompetence.


April 9, 2017 05:51

If Assad doesn’t get the message, then regime change would be fine with me. One or two boots on the ground, simply to confirm his location, then another visit from Mr. Tomahawk right into his outhouse’s vent when he’s taking a dump.

Regime is now changed.

Repeat as needed.

April 9, 2017 06:38

Hmm, apparently “next:” is Pyongyang, possibly with pre-approval of Beijing All the while the Prozis keep yammering about the Rooskies. I do not see Trump or our generals wanting to go to war with the former soviets over Syria, heck let it become Russia’s quagmire #2 (remember Afghanistan?). Interesting times indeed. For those few Prozis that may read this, FYI… Read more »

April 9, 2017 10:52

I believe South Korea would make a beautiful island.

:em05: :em07:

April 9, 2017 12:01

FrankOK @ #:

I believe South Korea would make a beautiful island.

I disagree. There is nothing wrong with North Korea that a good fumigating (With Sarin), can’t fix.

April 10, 2017 13:47

If Assad doesn’t get the message, then regime change would be fine with me.

Hey, I’m all for regime change. We should start with Germany (again), France (again), and Sweden this time.

April 10, 2017 13:48

P.S.: As a footnote, try as we may, we haven’t been able to figure out the “why?” from Assad’s point of view.

Fake Gas attack for the Fake News cycle.