What We Need is a Version of AdBlocker that Launches a DDoS Attack on any Site With AutoPlay Videos

…among other things.

So we were perusing The Imperial Firearms Advisor’s site (which you should be doing too), when we came across this little piece about sites whining about your AdBlocker.

The Imperial Firearms Advisor, in words we cannot ever hope to improve on, had this to say:

The reason we use AdBlocker is because your websites are full of intrusive, pop-up bullshit with loud autoplay videos and (at times) really questionable advertisements which are sometimes nothing more than phishing scams and clickbait links to truly awful websites.

We need a smoke…

…OK, now that’s out of the way, let us proceed.

We fully do understand and realize the need to monetize your site if it’s your business, the way you make a living. After all, you are providing something, otherwise our Imperial Eyeballs wouldn’t be there to be annoyed by your idiotic, intrusive popups, popunders, popovers and popgoesthefuckingweasel ads.

What YOU guys need to understand and realize is that when you insist on being as annoying as humanly possible in order to accomplish your goal, you are, in reality, “monetizing” your income right the fuck out of existence.

It doesn’t matter how informative, hilarious, wonderfully weird or just plain “can’t take our eyes away from this train wreck in a dumpster fire” awful you are, at some point you WILL reach the point where there simply isn’t any more shit up with which we will put when clicking over to your site.

And given just how bloody much content there is on the IntarWebs these days, deleting one more bookmark from one’s browser isn’t exactly an act that requires a colossal amount of effort, philosophizing and soul searching.

His Imperial Majesty would love nothing more than to switch his AdBlocker off, as a matter of fact we routinely do so if the ads on the site aren’t idiotic, intrusive popups, popunders, popovers and popgoesthefuckingweasel ads. As we mentioned: Presumably we like to peruse your content (we’re there, aren’t we?), so why not help you keeping up the steady flow of it?

But we abso-fucking-lutely won’t even think about turning it off if, the moment we do, our poor rig slows down to the point where we can go finish reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace while your page finishes pushing enough useless, noisy, glaring crap to make the Vegas Strip look and sound like a Sunday PTA meeting in an Amish church by comparison.

So site owners, businesses out there, listen up if you want to stay in business: Try loading your own main page without an AdBlocker. Then do it again. Then keep doing it on a daily basis, several times a day. If, after a week, you’re getting even mildly annoyed, multiply that by a hundred and consider finding another line of business, such as standing on street corners doing performance arts involving sharp, rusty objects and your own genitals.

Because that’s how your current users feel every time they open your poxy shit site.

Thatisall.

1 comment

  1. 1
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    I run ads on my site, not that they actually pay for anything. I also have no problem with people using pop up blockers. I also use Infernal Exploder on my site to make sure nothing is to intrusive.

    Still. when I hit sites that throw up so much garbage, I generally walk away from them. My preferred tools are No Script and Ublock. Both do a pretty good job.
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