So, Neil Gorsuch for SCOTUS.
We don’t know him from Adam, so we’re not going to wax poetic about his abilities or principles, but we hear nothing but good things about him, and he’s been picked by President Trump (never gets old typing that), who has, so far, shown himself to have an unerring and, frankly, uncanny ability to pick the right people. So here’s hoping that his so far perfect track record stays in a shiny, pristine condition.
Also, and this is our real gauge when it comes to judging anything that President Trump (once again, we love it) does, Mr. Gorsuch does seem to piss all the right swine off. That’s a pretty reliable indicator that we won’t be unhappy with him on the court.
Perfect score, as far as we can tell.
If we’re a bit skeptical and can’t quite get ourself to break out the pom-poms yet, it’s because we’re jaded by how many times we’ve seen “wonderful” picks turn into Quislings the moment they pull the black robe over their heads. Roberts, we’re looking at you, you treasonous bastard. It is our fondest hope that you get TWO eternities in the inferno when you finally kick the bucket.
But don’t let our cynicism rain on the parade too much. Mr. Gorsuch is definitely looking good so far and, at any rate, he’s not a flaming, tyrannical, incompetent Prozi pigshit like what we’d have gotten if Frau Felonia von Pantsuit had been President, like the #NeverTrumptards preferred.
Yes, that is our real point.
Whenever His Imperial Majesty looks at Justice Gorsuch’s rulings in the future, we will remember that he’s a Supreme Court Justice in SPITE of the #NeverTrumptards’ best efforts, and we’ll remember even more clearly just what, exactly, the court would have looked like if they had succeeded in handing the election to the Prozi in a Pantsuit they were campaigning so hard for.
So every time in the future where Justice Gorsuch’s vote decides a case in favor of America and Americans, as well as the precious “principles” that you kept hiding behind while you tried to burn the nation down in order to save it, we’d thank you if you’d just keep your yaps shut and remember that we remember. And we always will. Just avert your eyes, scuff your toes and zip it while you, perhaps, reflect upon the fact that said case would have gone in the exact opposite direction if you and your laughable standard bearer, Egg McMuffin (who is, by the way, showing himself to be a right royal mental case these days, you must be so proud), had prevailed.
A bit of reflection and remorse would most certainly be in order, but we won’t ask too much of you, so just do us a kindness and shut up.
No, we’re not going to “unfriend” you or never talk to you again, we’re not the Prozis that your temper tantrum would have been the only beneficiaries of, you made a mistake, some of you for very deeply felt and, to you, good and principled reasons, and we’d be a liar if we were to say that we never made any mistakes. We never went to bed with an ugly woman, but we’ve woken up with one or two, so we know what it’s like to fuck up. Or down.
If we were friends before, we’re still friends. That won’t change, if you’ll have us. None of us are perfect.
We have friends on the left too (the sane left, mind you, and yes, they do exist although they’re an endangered species at this point), and we’ve never even thought about throwing away their friendship when we’ve disagreed on something, so it’d be more than a little bit asshatted of us to throw away friends on our own side over a disagreement. Friendships are worth more than that, or else they’re not friendships at all.
Just know that when he saves the Constitution in a case that would have otherwise been lost, you’re not invited to the party. Unless you’re showing up to apologize.
UPDATE: Bill is less forgiving, and we thought we were harsh. Still, he makes some good points.