We’ll just plain ignore our domestic communists and ProgNazis. Well, except for pwesident Golfsalot’s, which we have to admit is really rather clever. It all depends on how you read it:
At this time of Fidel Castro’s passing, we extend a hand of friendship to the Cuban people. We know that this moment fills Cubans – in Cuba and in the United States – with powerful emotions [celebration, joy, relief], recalling the countless ways in which Fidel Castro altered the course of individual lives, families [by imprisoning, murdering, raping and starving them], and of the Cuban nation [turning it into a fourth world hellhole].
Read it, then read it again. We’ve inserted the alternate interpretation in brackets, but nothing in the above is really untrue, even though we know from 8 years of his reign of error what he really means.
History will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and world around him.
No doubt. Cuban missile crisis, nearly plunging us into WWIII, Angola and countless other wars across the globe, you name it.
For nearly six decades, the relationship between the United States and Cuba was marked by discord and profound political disagreements. During my presidency, we have worked hard to put the past behind us, pursuing a future in which the relationship between our two countries is defined not by our differences but by the many things that we share as neighbors and friends – bonds of family, culture, commerce, and common humanity.
Blah, blah, bleh, “friendship, common values, reach across borders” and so on. No overt declarations of support there, even though we know that’s what he means.
This engagement includes the contributions of Cuban Americans, who have done so much for our country and who care deeply about their loved ones in Cuba.
Mainly in the sense that they want to get them the fuck out of there, yesterday.
Today, we offer condolences to Fidel Castro’s family, and our thoughts and prayers are with the Cuban people. In the days ahead, they will recall the past and also look to the future. As they do, the Cuban people must know that they have a friend and partner in the United States of America.
And that’s the only open misstep, the condolences to the mass murderer’s mass murdering family. But that’s really the only one. Clever writing there, we must say, it all depends on how you interpret it. Which guarantees that the bumbling idiot didn’t write it himself.
On the other end of the scale, however, we have Canada’s Justin Trudeau [who is, we've been told, a man], who just decided to go all out and fellate the rapidly cooling cock of the murdering swine. To illustrate just how disgusting it is, we’ve made a version with a few, select, edits. Read the original here.
“It is with deep sorrow that I learned today of the death of Germany’s Chancellor.
“Adolf Hitler was a larger than life leader who served his people for almost a decade and a half. A legendary revolutionary and orator, Mr. Hitler made significant improvements to the education and healthcare of his nation.
“While a controversial figure, both Mr. Hitler’s supporters and detractors recognized his tremendous dedication and love for the German people who had a deep and lasting affection for “der Führer”.
“I know my father was very proud to call him a friend and I had the opportunity to meet Adolf when my father passed away. It was also a real honour to meet his lovely wife, Eva Braun, during my recent visit to Germany.
“On behalf of all Canadians, Sophie and I offer our deepest condolences to the family, friends and many, many supporters of Mr. Hitler. We join the people of Germany today in mourning the loss of this remarkable leader.”
Imagine anybody writing that after April 30, 1945?
The only upside is that, after 8 years of cringing every time Zerobama flapped his lips and feeling desperately embarrassed on behalf of our nation, we can finally say, honestly, that it could be worse.
We could have been living in Canada.