We really should get back into the shirt making business. After our old shirt got a revival thanks to one fearless soul at a Trump rally and promptly went viral among every bed-wetting ProgNazi on Twatter, we thought it had died finally, never to be heard from again. Rest in peace, beloved old rag.

But no, it wasn’t long before somebody found a way to make a profit out of the nontroversy. Sorry, we meant “make a powerful statement in the name of the oppressed and victimized”, of course.

Disdain for the fourth estate reached a high water mark on Nov. 8. That was when a Reuters photographer tweeted a picture of a Donald Trump supporter with a T-shirt reading, “Rope. Tree. Journalist. Some assembly required.”

The photo punctuated an election season that saw reporters covering the Trump campaign cursed at, cordoned off and called out by name to jeers of a crowd.

“It was really sad to see that in our own country,” Courtney Radsch, advocacy director for the Committee to Protect Journalists, said of the shirt.

The New York-based nonprofit group promotes press freedom and defends the rights of journalists throughout the world.

We can certainly see where that might be a worthy cause in certain parts of the world, such as just about every single country lorded over by socialists, koranimals and the like, but here?

Unless they’re protecting the poor little snowflakes from having to endure the soul-crushing scourge of being called names, that is. Names other than “Nazi, inbred hillbilly, racist, bigot, homophobe”, of course, because those names are reserved for the Very Special People™ in the press to call everybody else.

The newsroom staff of The Anniston Star, like reporters throughout the country, talked about the shirt as election returns came in.

“The sentiment expressed on the shirt in that Reuters photo is disgusting,” said Star managing editor Ben Cunningham. “No one should be subjected to mob violence or threats of it, including journalists doing work essential to the functioning of our society.”

Ah, the humble press’ inflated opinion of themselves rears its pompous, snooty face again.

There was a time when the press did, indeed, serve a noble purpose in society. Back when they saw their jobs as documenting facts impartially and objectively and letting the public make up their own minds about those facts. You know, this thing that used to be called “reporting.” Back then they surely did have opinions, every human being on the planet does, but those were put in things called “editorials” and “opinion columns” so one could tell them apart from the reporting bit of the paper.

They still have editorials and opinion columns, it’s just that now you can’t tell the difference between them and the “reporting.”

So unless ensuring that only one Narrative and Party is ever allowed near the levers of power is “work essential to the functioning of society”, we’d say that they’re long past that point. Now they’re just like every other ranting website (such as this one), only with a delusion of adequacy and importance attached to it.

Cunningham said it warranted a response — something that would tastefully rebuke the shirt’s sentiment while showing support to the people working to inform the country.

Cunningham took to TeeSpring.com, a site that allows users to design and sell their own shirts. By Nov. 16, anyone with $20 could buy a shirt that read, “Facts. Words. Integrity. Some courage required.”

Oh man! Oh snap! We are undone! We have been utterly lain waste to by the rapier wit of Mr. Cunningham! Oh no, we bleed, we faint… Curse you, evil wordsmith! With our dying breath do we curse thee!

Nah, we’re OK.

But we’ll play…

Facts. Words. Integrity. Some courage required.

Of facts, you have only those that fit your almighty Narrative, and when you don’t have any, you make them up.

Words? Oh, you have plenty of those, we’ll give you that.

Integrity? Are you trying to make us die of laughter? This is the same press that will hyperventilate for weeks about how some guy making a joke about how money and fame will get you all the pussy in the world (all true, by the way) means that he’s CLEARLY advocating rape while simultaneously utter not one single word about their preferred candidate having protected and covered for her rapist husband and destroyed reputations of his very victims in the process. No, we get why you were doing that. It’s because you hang-worthy hypocritical swine were doing the exact same bloody thing!

That’s what you call “integrity?” You might want to look the word up in Webster’s before you plaster it on a poorly made T-shirt, Cuntingham.

And courage? Like when you “courageously” sic howling mobs of ProgNazi SJW jackals on citizens who’ve done nothing but express an opinion or exercise their rights? That’s “courage”? Like when you “courageously” howl and whine and cry about people calling you names at rallies, people that you’ve relentlessly mocked and criticized as uneducated racists for daring to have an opinion that doesn’t fit your own?

That kind of “courage”?

Once again: Webster’s. Or Google, if you can’t afford a copy.

One out of four ain’t bad, eh?

But we’re nothing if not a benevolent, helpful Emperor, so here’s a suggestion that will cover all bases. You can check off every single box on your “courageous response” by following it.

First, facts: In nations governed by Islamic Sharia law, women who have been raped have no recourse under the law unless they can get several male witnesses to testify to the fact that they were raped. If they fail to do so, they will most likely face death by stoning for adultery or, if they manage to avoid entanglement under the “law”, they face the very real risk of being murdered in what is, ironically, called an “honor killing” by those savage subhumans.

Those are all FACTS. Indisputable. You can Google them if you don’t believe us but, really, we don’t think you have to. You know it already. You just don’t like to talk about it.

Facts covered. Moving on:

Words: Well, we can skip that, since the previous part is full of them. Not much of an achievement if you can write or speak, but you have that covered already.

Integrity: This is clearly a scourge upon humanity and an unforgivable affront to civilization and no self-respecting human being can remain quiet in the face of it. This must end, no excuses or exceptions made, because this IS, indeed, a rape culture and no effort must be spared, no act deemed too radical, to eradicate it from Earth.

This is what “integrity” means. Making a stand and sticking to it, even when it’s “uncomfortable”. ESPECIALLY when it’s uncomfortable. Just as being “pro-free speech” means being just that, no matter what “speech” we’re talking about. Any slobbering idiot can support speech with which he already agrees, as proven so thoroughly by 99.9% of the press. It’s when it comes to protecting speech that you DON’T like it becomes difficult, something requiring, here it is again, INTEGRITY.

We know that you in the press like to talk about rape culture and how it must be stopped, wherever it’s found. We agree. We couldn’t agree more if we tried. Just how much YOU agree is the question, though.

Finally, courage.

That one is easy: Publish the above.


Your move, Cuntingham.

Or stay up on that flimsy cross you’ve built for yourself with the velvet replica of a thorn crown you’ve decided to wear (because real thorns are just so… uncomfortable). Personally, we think you look rather silly up there but, then again, you are silly people no matter what you do.

Not everybody is a puling, hypocritical coward like you and your vaunted press. The guys at France’s Charlie Hebdo, for instance, weren’t afraid to apply the same standards to everything. They didn’t just have names called at them. They got brutally massacred by a group of the animals that they called out. Which is exactly why you useless nithings won’t do anything like it. Because somebody might hurt you. And, to further rub it in, once the blood had been swept up, Charlie Hebdo just kept on going.

But hey, you got a nice publicity stunt out of it. And the proceeds of your T-shirt sales will go to, we hope, the worthy cause of protecting actual journalists like them.

Once your designated charity gets done skimming off a healthy chunk of those proceeds to pay for their own salaries, of course.

You’re right bloody heroes, aren’t you?



By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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