Fake as a Three Dollar Bill

Oh, is this place still around? Sorry for the long absence, but even an Emperor has to prioritize his maternal parenting unit above all else. That’s how baby emperors-in-waiting manage to grow up to become actual Emperors.

Listen, I don’t want to hear another bleep about the recently released “birth certificate” being real, as it is obvious to even an utter PhotoShop neophyte like myself that it isn’t. Feel free to bleep it anyway, as always, just don’t expect me to waste a second of my life reading it.

Why is it so obvious that it’s a fake? Well, for one thing the “layers” that you’ve all been hearing about. Those layers are something that you use when you want to make a composite image from different ones. I won’t get technical here, because I don’t need to, for one simple reason: Layers are not something found in .pdf scans of documents. No, seriously. Don’t take my word for it. Stick a document, a picture, your butt crack in your scanner and have it “scan to .pdf”, then open the resulting file in a program such as Adobe Illustrator and see if you find any layers in it. You won’t. Because it’s a simple facsimile of whatever happened to be sitting on your scanner when you clicked “go” or, as the geeky among us like to call it, a “flat image.”

The ONLY reason you’d ever be using layers is if you wanted to combine elements from different images as in “not a true copy.” Think of them as sheets of clear plastic, each with parts of different images on it, such as yourself on one sheet and a scenic panorama from the Grand Canyon on another. Put the sheet with you on it on top of the other one and, hey presto, you’re in the Grand Canyon!

I suppose that one might take different parts of the exact same document, put them on different layers and then superimpose them exactly as they originally were, but one would have to be mightily bored to do so when a simple scan would do. Or be a government employee paid by the hour.

For another thing, you might want to take a look at the “bend” at the left side of the document, as if it’s a page of a book. Then you might wonder why on earth the same background that is on the “birth certificate” extends beyond said bend. Finally, you might wonder why it is that the green stripe background doesn’t “bend” with the paper. Normally that’s what happens when you press a book against a scanner and scan it. Try it. Use your favorite Clancy novel and observe how the lines of text curve with the paper.

Oh, and the fact that that hideous green background (coincidentally the same used in the previous “ultimate proof birth certificate”) wasn’t even used in 1961. Or, at the very least, it wasn’t used one day after Ogabe was born.

Finally, the signature at the bottom. “U.K.L. Lee.” Really? Watch this space, because next week we’ll be proving that Vladimir Putin is actually the legitimate heir to the Romanovs, based on a document signed by the renowned Mr. B.L.Laika.

So, seriously, if you even think for a second that that obvious fraud is real, you need to go sit at the back of the class with a dunce cap on for a bit. As in “until you develop a brain.”

But that’s not the important question here. What His Imperial Majesty finds interesting is why on earth Ogabe would throw a fraud so obvious that a 2-year-old with access to a Playstation 3 can see it? So obvious, in fact, that not even Dan Rather (than the truth) would fall for it.

This has to be a joke. Nobody is going to convince me that they couldn’t find some clown in a utility closet at 1600 Penn Ave who could have done a better job. I know this because I could have done a better job and if I can do it, then anybody with three functioning synapses can. All the twit would have had to do would be to “flatten” (merge all the layers into one) the image and then convert to .pdf. It takes all of three seconds if you take a coffee break.

It is so obvious that it had to have been done on purpose, and that’s the real question here: Why?

There are two possibilities that spring to my immense mind regarding that question:

1) It was designed to keep everybody busy arguing about his obvious fraud until November 2012, in which case he’s dumber than even I thought and, believe you me, I’m not about to sponsor him for Mensa membership.

2) It was designed to find out just how large of a percentage of the American population are willing to believe any damn thing coming out of his yap, no matter how preposterous, and to find out just who in the Party of Stupid are dumb enough to let him get away with it so they know who to push for GOP candidate come the primaries.

My money is on 2).

My bottom line? This neither proves nor disproves anything, other than the fact that Ogabe is a arrogant narcissist who not only disrespects the citizens of the nation that he allegedly leads, but who also thoroughly enjoys insulting their intelligence by proving, time and again, just how little he cares about anything they say or do.

But we already knew that.

Thatisall.

newest oldest most voted
Notify of

You’re not going to read this, but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison if I didn’t at least attempt a rebuttal. 1) Layers, in fact, ARE things you find in scanned PDF documents, if you select “Optimize Scanned PDF”. If you scan a PDF and the optimize it, you get layers. Seriously. Try it yourself.… Read more »

Odahi
Odahi

Two quick points. A) Who is Mr. (or Ms.) Lee? I would think just a little digging by SOMEone should prove whether there was a person of that name working in that office at that time. Ukelele? REALLY? And you BUY this load of crap? 2) NO document produced now could be trusted. To channel Beck: “Spooky Dude can hire… Read more »

LC Jackboot IC/A
LC Jackboot IC/A

Great to have you back Jefe !!!!! Another aspect is one of legality. He did have a fraudulent document, offered as a legitimate legal document posted on an official government website. At a minimum that would constitute fraud and wire fraud. I doubt that would even be considered in this whole affair, but surely that would be grounds for impeachment.… Read more »

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

personally, I dont give a damn about his birth certificate. I care about what he’s done.

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

OT/ Listening to Col David Hunt (Retired) on Fox right now explaining how the rules of engagement did not permit the Americans the Afghan pilot killed to have loaded weapons on base. The angry pilot simply shot them execution style after he left the meeting and retrieved a loaded firearm from his office. Have any of you heard this before?… Read more »

Draven32
Draven32

Muzzy says: You’re not going to read this, but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison if I didn’t at least attempt a rebuttal. 1) Layers, in fact, ARE things you find in scanned PDF documents, if you select “Optimize Scanned PDF”. If you scan a PDF and the optimize it, you get layers. Seriously. Try… Read more »

LC Gunsniper
LC Gunsniper

but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison

Which reality would that be? You probably don’t have jurisdiction in this one unless there was at least a treaty signed between the ruling universal elders of our respective realities.

Mr. Ukulele doesn’t count as a signatory either. 😉

LC Spare Parts
LC Spare Parts

I’ve had more than enough of this too. We’d better watch what the other hand is doing: purging the armed services of straight white males who refuse to accept the queers on their terms. The officer corps is already PC. So when his brainwashed troops come for us we’ll know there are no friendlies among their number.

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery

Muzzy says: 3) I knew this would happen. I predicted that this would happen, and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t. Bummer. close to 25 years of graphic design and graphics teaching experience here, 20 years of Photoshop and Adobe experience… Read more »

bruce
bruce

everything about this punk is phony!!! :em72:

M167A1
M167A1

Guys
Its an old document thats been scanned. Why are you obcessed with it?

No scandal will come along and whisk the trator away we have to do that.

Get a grip

Thanks 🙂

Draven32
Draven32

M167A1 says: Guys Its an old document thats been scanned. Why are you obcessed with it? No scandal will come along and whisk the trator away we have to do that. Get a grip Thanks uhhhh… the background, the form itself, and the text are different layers. If it was a scanned document, it wouldn’t be. Also, the ‘official green… Read more »

Elephant Man
Elephant Man

You’re not going to read this, TRANSLATION: EVERYBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!! STOP IGNORING ME!!! but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison brain addled village idiot There, fixed it for you. if I didn’t at least attempt a rebuttal. If by “rebuttal”, you mean repeatedly jamming your head up your ass, don’t worry, you’ll do… Read more »

FrankOK
FrankOK

I found something rather interesting on another site:

comment image

In particular, notice the dates and times of the births, the Department of Health record number (upper right) and the hospital’s address.

The director of the hawaii recorders department says this is a cobbled together document. A dyed in the wool democrat. Just release the real BC (if it exists) Not a Certificate of live birth.

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

I’d like to take a second and point out that this boondoggle has cause quite a bit of conservative distraction, and infighting.

Sounds like Obama got exactly what he wanted on that one.

LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.
LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.

I was going to write a comment about why the BC doesn’t matter, more specifically the place of his birth is immaterial, that it’s his lineage that determines “natural born” citizenship, but I ran into so much material researching my sources that it looks like it has blown into a full fledged post. *sigh* Short version, a natural born citizen… Read more »

Erbo
Erbo

LC Jackboot IC/A says: He did have a fraudulent document, offered as a legitimate legal document posted on an official government website. At a minimum that would constitute fraud and wire fraud. I doubt that would even be considered in this whole affair, but surely that would be grounds for impeachment. The fact that he’s done it is proof positive… Read more »

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.

Because it’s a simple facsimile of whatever happened to be sitting on your scanner when you clicked “go” or, as the geeky among us like to call it, a “flat image.” Yes, of course, a flat image, with characters and lines that should all be the very near the same color value of the black that we see,,, butbut,, there’s… Read more »

LC MuscleDaddy
LC MuscleDaddy

The thing about resistance to the ‘Birth Certificate’ – it’s only barely about where he may-or-may-not-have been born anymore…

– MD

Elephant Man
Elephant Man

and every problem and trouble in your life is the direct fault of Obama Bush.

There, fixed it for you.

Now we can dispense with this “birther nonsense” and get back to focusing on Obama’s central theme for the upcoming election! :em99:

AgTiger
AgTiger

Muzzy says: I predicted that this would happen, and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t. Bummer. Y’know, if I’m looking to prove the authenticity of an image, I sure as hell don’t introduce it into a software application known for its… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Response to Gladiator @: To respond to the OT, because one of the guys killed was the husband of a friend of mine at work… His name was Frank Bryant. Janice and Frank had a little boy last year. They had gone on vacation to Hawaii just a few weeks ago, while he was on R&R from Afghanistan. She was… Read more »

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.

In the Air Force we go hot ALL the time. Condition one. Before I retired, and as a “contractor” now. You would think the other services would have learned from shit like Beirut all those years ago. From all the shit that’s happened since. I just don’t know what to say to y’all. But, to try and lighten the chill… Read more »

lemurking
lemurking

Do I think Obama shouldn’t be where he is today? No, I don’t – because (a) I think he’s not a valid natural-born citizen, (b) because I’m still in shock that such a high percentage of Americans can’t form coherent thoughts long enough to recognize a liar when they see one, and (c) I kinda sorta think the POTUS is… Read more »

Jules
Jules

If scanning can cause such problems with the final file, why not just take a photo of the dang thing and upload it as is?