Fake as a Three Dollar Bill

Oh, is this place still around? Sorry for the long absence, but even an Emperor has to prioritize his maternal parenting unit above all else. That’s how baby emperors-in-waiting manage to grow up to become actual Emperors.

Listen, I don’t want to hear another bleep about the recently released “birth certificate” being real, as it is obvious to even an utter PhotoShop neophyte like myself that it isn’t. Feel free to bleep it anyway, as always, just don’t expect me to waste a second of my life reading it.

Why is it so obvious that it’s a fake? Well, for one thing the “layers” that you’ve all been hearing about. Those layers are something that you use when you want to make a composite image from different ones. I won’t get technical here, because I don’t need to, for one simple reason: Layers are not something found in .pdf scans of documents. No, seriously. Don’t take my word for it. Stick a document, a picture, your butt crack in your scanner and have it “scan to .pdf”, then open the resulting file in a program such as Adobe Illustrator and see if you find any layers in it. You won’t. Because it’s a simple facsimile of whatever happened to be sitting on your scanner when you clicked “go” or, as the geeky among us like to call it, a “flat image.”

The ONLY reason you’d ever be using layers is if you wanted to combine elements from different images as in “not a true copy.” Think of them as sheets of clear plastic, each with parts of different images on it, such as yourself on one sheet and a scenic panorama from the Grand Canyon on another. Put the sheet with you on it on top of the other one and, hey presto, you’re in the Grand Canyon!

I suppose that one might take different parts of the exact same document, put them on different layers and then superimpose them exactly as they originally were, but one would have to be mightily bored to do so when a simple scan would do. Or be a government employee paid by the hour.

For another thing, you might want to take a look at the “bend” at the left side of the document, as if it’s a page of a book. Then you might wonder why on earth the same background that is on the “birth certificate” extends beyond said bend. Finally, you might wonder why it is that the green stripe background doesn’t “bend” with the paper. Normally that’s what happens when you press a book against a scanner and scan it. Try it. Use your favorite Clancy novel and observe how the lines of text curve with the paper.

Oh, and the fact that that hideous green background (coincidentally the same used in the previous “ultimate proof birth certificate”) wasn’t even used in 1961. Or, at the very least, it wasn’t used one day after Ogabe was born.

Finally, the signature at the bottom. “U.K.L. Lee.” Really? Watch this space, because next week we’ll be proving that Vladimir Putin is actually the legitimate heir to the Romanovs, based on a document signed by the renowned Mr. B.L.Laika.

So, seriously, if you even think for a second that that obvious fraud is real, you need to go sit at the back of the class with a dunce cap on for a bit. As in “until you develop a brain.”

But that’s not the important question here. What His Imperial Majesty finds interesting is why on earth Ogabe would throw a fraud so obvious that a 2-year-old with access to a Playstation 3 can see it? So obvious, in fact, that not even Dan Rather (than the truth) would fall for it.

This has to be a joke. Nobody is going to convince me that they couldn’t find some clown in a utility closet at 1600 Penn Ave who could have done a better job. I know this because I could have done a better job and if I can do it, then anybody with three functioning synapses can. All the twit would have had to do would be to “flatten” (merge all the layers into one) the image and then convert to .pdf. It takes all of three seconds if you take a coffee break.

It is so obvious that it had to have been done on purpose, and that’s the real question here: Why?

There are two possibilities that spring to my immense mind regarding that question:

1) It was designed to keep everybody busy arguing about his obvious fraud until November 2012, in which case he’s dumber than even I thought and, believe you me, I’m not about to sponsor him for Mensa membership.

2) It was designed to find out just how large of a percentage of the American population are willing to believe any damn thing coming out of his yap, no matter how preposterous, and to find out just who in the Party of Stupid are dumb enough to let him get away with it so they know who to push for GOP candidate come the primaries.

My money is on 2).

My bottom line? This neither proves nor disproves anything, other than the fact that Ogabe is a arrogant narcissist who not only disrespects the citizens of the nation that he allegedly leads, but who also thoroughly enjoys insulting their intelligence by proving, time and again, just how little he cares about anything they say or do.

But we already knew that.

Thatisall.

29 comments

  1. 1
    Muzzy growls and barks:

    You’re not going to read this, but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison if I didn’t at least attempt a rebuttal.

    1) Layers, in fact, ARE things you find in scanned PDF documents, if you select “Optimize Scanned PDF”. If you scan a PDF and the optimize it, you get layers. Seriously. Try it yourself. You need Acrobat Pro. Cite

    2) U.K.L. Lee? Well, that’s what happens when you only have 12 letters in your alphabet.

    3) I knew this would happen. I predicted that this would happen, and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t. Bummer.

  2. 2
    Odahi growls and barks:

    Two quick points.
    A) Who is Mr. (or Ms.) Lee? I would think just a little digging by SOMEone should prove whether there was a person of that name working in that office at that time. Ukelele? REALLY? And you BUY this load of crap?
    2) NO document produced now could be trusted. To channel Beck: “Spooky Dude can hire the best document forgers in the world, and has had plenty of time to do so.”
    Oh, and point the third:
    III) I don’t CARE. It’s far too late to bring this up, it’s a side issue, a distraction from the real issues. Issues like a power grab that “Shrub” could never have imagined in his wildest wet dreams. Destruction of our economy. Hypocritically attacking the oil companies for price gouging, all the while blocking any attempt to explore for more oil, pump more oil from the fields we’ve already found, or build more refineries to increase domestic supply. Insulting our allies, and kowtowing to our enemies. The attempt to snatch the medical industry from the hands of the private sector and mire it in government red tape and interference. Arrogance and condescension toward the electorate, of both parties, unequaled in my memory.

  3. 3
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Great to have you back Jefe !!!!!

    Another aspect is one of legality. He did have a fraudulent document, offered as a legitimate legal document posted on an official government website. At a minimum that would constitute fraud and wire fraud. I doubt that would even be considered in this whole affair, but surely that would be grounds for impeachment. The fact that he’s done it is proof positive of his arrogance.

    “I don’t need to worry about committing a felony, I’m me and the plebes would never breathe a word of that, let alone bring charges”.

    This is something substantially bigger than what Richard Nixon perpetrated and Ogabe needs to get called out HARD on it. Bring on the Articles of Impeachment.

  4. 4
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    personally, I dont give a damn about his birth certificate. I care about what he’s done.

  5. 5
    Gladiator growls and barks:

    OT/

    Listening to Col David Hunt (Retired) on Fox right now explaining how the rules of engagement did not permit the Americans the Afghan pilot killed to have loaded weapons on base. The angry pilot simply shot them execution style after he left the meeting and retrieved a loaded firearm from his office. Have any of you heard this before? I am outraged. How do you fight a war with one hand tied behind your back?

  6. 6
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    Muzzy says:

    You’re not going to read this, but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison if I didn’t at least attempt a rebuttal.
    1) Layers, in fact, ARE things you find in scanned PDF documents, if you select “Optimize Scanned PDF”. If you scan a PDF and the optimize it, you get layers. Seriously. Try it yourself. You need Acrobat Pro. Cite
    2) U.K.L. Lee? Well, that’s what happens when you only have 12 letters in your alphabet.
    3) I knew this would happen. I predicted that this would happen, and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t. Bummer.

    Unfortunately, I *do* understand photoshop.

    Lets look at the simplest of OOPSes on this supposed document….

    The text of this supposed document does not follow the curvature of the page it is supposed to be on….

    starting with:

    Male (the text above it from the actual form shows curvature, the M of Male should)

    BARACK (his father’s name) same thing…

    STANLEY (his mother’s name) same thing….

    in fact, both of those names are all completely in line with each other when the first character or two should be following the curvature of the ‘original scanned page’. They aren’t, they are all in line with each other, verifiable by DRAGGING A GUIDE FROM THE RULERS IN ILLUSTRATOR OR PHOTOSHOP.

    The names all show quantization (the ‘jpeg noise’) that does not match the background pattern. The text in question is all in a separate layer from the ‘form text’.

    The white highlighting around the text.

    Now, the last two can be explained by the scan of the original into their digital records system being a black-and-white scan… but if you are scanning in greyscale, why not store in another format that has a greyscale palette, is usually smaller than a JPEG because of the fixed palette, and doesn’t get any quantization noise from its compression? GIF, TIFF, PNG… And why, when making the composite document on the ‘official background’, compress the background with JPEG as well, especially since you’re making a PDF? Of course, maybe that’s just Hawaii being cheap to same money for all the great social programs for ‘native Hawaiians’ (unlike most other Native American populations, you only need to be 1/32nd Hawaiian to qualify as a “Native Hawaiian” and get said benefits. By that standard, I’m Samoan. Or Japanese.)

    If they are trying to save space in scanned documents, why use a multilayer PDF when a single layer one would use less space?

    The nasty white edges could be gotten rid of by simply using a ‘darken’ overlay mode.

    Why, in most cases, are the nasty white edges in a different layer from the text?

    Why are certain characters in the text separate?

    The alignment of the letters on the typed text is inconsistent. On a typewriter, letters that are out of alignment- a slightly raised ‘a’, in this case- would always be out of alignment, in a consistent fashion. Instead, it looks like a modern computer trying to fake a mechanically aligned typewriter where it ‘randomly’ slightly misaligns letters.

  7. 7
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison

    Which reality would that be? You probably don’t have jurisdiction in this one unless there was at least a treaty signed between the ruling universal elders of our respective realities.

    Mr. Ukulele doesn’t count as a signatory either. ;)

  8. 8
    LC Spare Parts growls and barks:

    I’ve had more than enough of this too. We’d better watch what the other hand is doing: purging the armed services of straight white males who refuse to accept the queers on their terms. The officer corps is already PC. So when his brainwashed troops come for us we’ll know there are no friendlies among their number.

  9. 9

    Muzzy says:

    3) I knew this would happen. I predicted that this would happen, and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t. Bummer.

    close to 25 years of graphic design and graphics teaching experience here, 20 years of Photoshop and
    Adobe experience on top of that, 23 years of 3D graphics and animation experience to supplement it…..allow this neophyte to weigh in here.

    Layers are basically overlays, kind of like overlaying your original artwork with a sheet of paper so you can trace or color on it and not ruin your original work. You can do wonders with layers if you’re good, I use them all the time for artwork I post here. Layers can be used for coloring, text, and effects, and modifying or altering damn near anything you can get your hands on……..

    One example of using layers is when I did my image of president bobblehead on Mt Rushmore

    Now, Muzzy….where YOU fall down here is that given the pixelization of some of the text on the document, it looks like whoever modified it didn’t have much of an understanding of pixel resolution when they did it. Default dpi (dots per inch) or resolution for web documents is 72 dpi….that means that you will have 72 dots of color for every one square inch of image. You won’t get very clear text or detailed images with that. Most documents that are made ready for professional printing are at least 200 dpi, preferable 300 dpi….this is for graphics heavy documents or where you need optimum clarity.

    Muzzy says:

    Layers, in fact, ARE things you find in scanned PDF documents, if you select “Optimize Scanned PDF”. If you scan a PDF and the optimize it, you get layers. Seriously. Try it yourself. You need Acrobat Pro. Cite

    OK Mr. Adobe, why would you scan a PDF? do YOU know what a PDF file is? it stands for Portable Document Format and any graphics pro would NEVER use a PDF for editing purposes….it is mostly used for optimizing file transfer or giving a compiled finished universally readable file to a printer or client. They really aren’t meant for serious editing. That is done in Illustrator or Photoshop (for graphics and images).

    I’ve downloaded the long form and looked at it pretty closely, mostly out of curiousity. The things I’m seeing are mainly differences in resolution on letters and numbers. That could have been done to increase legibility, or fix a damaged document. What I do find curious is that all the box titles on the form….things like Name, Address, Date etc sit on the same layer as the middle initial of the Registrar UK L Lee…..witness:

    Registrars signature

    As a self proclaimed graphics professional, I find their scattered sloppy use of layer ordering more amateurish than sinister. It could be a result of randon layering when it was exported to a PDF format.

    I’m just not sure and frankly I don’t care…I have bigger reasons to hate this son of a bitch than his birth certificate, he sneers at us on the day he releases it. He says ” I have bigger things to do and can’t be distracted by this silliness, then goes on big fat Oprahs show to sneer at us some more….and then it’s off to two fundraisers. We have gas prices moving towards $5.00 a gallon, resulting inflation on goods and food reflecting the increased expense of getting these goods to market, we have a war that is going straight to hell because president bobblehead doesn’t give a shit about it, and we have an economy that is going into default…..and president bobblehead can’t be bothered while he’s putting out on the 15th green.

    I despise the man, but not because of his birth certificate.

    Muzzy says:

    U.K.L. Lee? Well, that’s what happens when you only have 12 letters in your alphabet.

    let’s see….

    B

    ..A…

    R

    …A…K
    The letters of the Hawaiian aplhabet are: A,E,I,O,U,K,L,H,M,N,P,W….nope, no B or R in that alphabet…..

    OH wait, Barack isn’t a Hawaiian….he’s a muslim, that ‘splains it

  10. 10
    bruce growls and barks:

    everything about this punk is phony!!! :em72:

  11. 11
    M167A1 growls and barks:

    Guys
    Its an old document thats been scanned. Why are you obcessed with it?

    No scandal will come along and whisk the trator away we have to do that.

    Get a grip

    Thanks :-)

  12. 12
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    M167A1 says:

    Guys
    Its an old document thats been scanned. Why are you obcessed with it?
    No scandal will come along and whisk the trator away we have to do that.
    Get a grip
    Thanks

    uhhhh…

    the background, the form itself, and the text are different layers. If it was a scanned document, it wouldn’t be. Also, the ‘official green background’ wouldn’t continue under the text if it were a scanned document. Even if it is a scanned document, they should have left it in whatever craptacular shape the original scanned document was in instead of making a half-assed attempt at cleaning it up. (Yes, folks, that IS my best guess if it is the real document instead of a forgery or significant alteration… someone who didn’t know what they were doing tried to make it look pretty. )

  13. 13
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    You’re not going to read this,

    TRANSLATION: EVERYBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!! STOP IGNORING ME!!!

    but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as reality based community liaison brain addled village idiot

    There, fixed it for you.

    if I didn’t at least attempt a rebuttal.

    If by “rebuttal”, you mean repeatedly jamming your head up your ass, don’t worry, you’ll do just fine.

    You’ve had lots of practice.

    I knew this would happen. I predicted that this would happen,

    Wow, you must be some sort of liberal moonbat Nostradamus :em01:

    and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t.

    TRANSLATION: “and now I’m going to gonna have to spend the next two years listening to mounting criticism and ridicule of my Moonbat Messiah and my fragile psyche can’t take the strain!”

  14. 14
    FrankOK growls and barks:

    I found something rather interesting on another site:

    http://www.theobamafile.com/_images/nordyketwinsbirthcertificate.jpg

    In particular, notice the dates and times of the births, the Department of Health record number (upper right) and the hospital’s address.

  15. 15
    Library Czar growls and barks:

    The director of the hawaii recorders department says this is a cobbled together document. A dyed in the wool democrat. Just release the real BC (if it exists) Not a Certificate of live birth.

  16. 16
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    I’d like to take a second and point out that this boondoggle has cause quite a bit of conservative distraction, and infighting.

    Sounds like Obama got exactly what he wanted on that one.

  17. 17

    I was going to write a comment about why the BC doesn’t matter, more specifically the place of his birth is immaterial, that it’s his lineage that determines “natural born” citizenship, but I ran into so much material researching my sources that it looks like it has blown into a full fledged post. *sigh*

    Short version, a natural born citizen is a citizen born of citizens. A citizen is “Subject to the laws of the United States”, meaning owing no allegiance to another government. Ogabes father was a British subject, not a citizen of the United States. Ogabe is therefore, by the simplest understanding of the term, NOT a natural born citizen. Add to the mix that under British law due to his father’s loyalty to the Crown, Ogabe was automatically a British subject at birth (We fought a war with the British over that concept. Since the Brits still considered any American born under British rule prior to the Revolution to be a British subject, they used that to justify the impressment of American sailors, the main cause de guerre for the War of 1812). If Ogabe was born to a British father, he was a British subject, owing double allegiance (provided he was in fact born in Hawaii as is claimed and is in fact a citizen to begin with), and is therefore disqualified from being a “natural born citizen”.

    The proof of the Founders wisdom is in looking at how Ogabe has treated Great Britain since he was Immaculated. His father hated the Brits because of Kenya being a colony. Now Jr. is taking revenge. And the moonbats say that W harbored a grudge against Saddam because of his daddy. Jeesh.

  18. 18

    DJ Allyn, ITW says:

    It wouldn’t matter to you people if there was a Super 8 film of Obama’s head cresting in the middle of Madison Square Garden with thousands of people looking on as witnesses.

    No it wouldn’t, because as I said it doesn’t matter WHERE he was born, it’s who his father was. DJ Allyn, ITW says:

    There are a LOT of valid reasons to dislike the man — mostly performance and position. Why do you need to keep focusing on fairy tales?

    That “fairy tale” is the Constitution of the United States and the quaint notion that we either adhere to it, or we don’t. I know where I stand on that particular issue. And I have a pretty damned good idea where Ear Leader stands on it as well.

  19. 19
    Erbo growls and barks:

    LC Jackboot IC/A says:

    He did have a fraudulent document, offered as a legitimate legal document posted on an official government website. At a minimum that would constitute fraud and wire fraud. I doubt that would even be considered in this whole affair, but surely that would be grounds for impeachment. The fact that he’s done it is proof positive of his arrogance.

    “I don’t need to worry about committing a felony, I’m me and the plebes would never breathe a word of that, let alone bring charges”.

    This is something substantially bigger than what Richard Nixon perpetrated and Ogabe needs to get called out HARD on it. Bring on the Articles of Impeachment.

    It’s never the crime that gets you. It’s always, always, ALWAYS the COVERUP.

    Just ask Tricky Dick Nixon and BJ Clinton.

  20. 20

    Because it’s a simple facsimile of whatever happened to be sitting on your scanner when you clicked “go” or, as the geeky among us like to call it, a “flat image.”

    Yes, of course, a flat image, with characters and lines that should all be the very near the same color value of the black that we see,,, butbut,, there’s at least three shades of the black range, the layers of which he speaks. That wasn’t made very clear on the vid’, which would of course would justly raise the question of layers in natively flat image files.
    If you select a narrow color range of the black in one of the areas of discussion,, the other areas disappear throughout the page.
    From a faxed document, they could differ’ a bit, but not like this.
    Purported from a single original scan.

    Something else I didn’t see mentioned,, at the very bottom, does anyone see a one or two pixel white alias around the text?

  21. 21
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    The thing about resistance to the ‘Birth Certificate’ – it’s only barely about where he may-or-may-not-have been born anymore…

    – MD

  22. 22
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Response to DJ Allyn, ITW @:

    ” Even FOX News explains how this Birth Certificate is real.. You might as well take the National Review Online off of your reading list too, because even they point out that the document is real.”

    C’mon man – that’s lame.

    The capital-E Establishment guys are completely invested in their own longevity and self-congratulatory sense of ‘respectability’.

    Next you’ll be citing how Hannity and O’Reilly are telling everyone there’s NuthinToSeeHere.

    – MD

  23. 23
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    and every problem and trouble in your life is the direct fault of Obama Bush.

    There, fixed it for you.

    Now we can dispense with this “birther nonsense” and get back to focusing on Obama’s central theme for the upcoming election! :em99:

  24. 24
    AgTiger growls and barks:

    Muzzy says:

    I predicted that this would happen, and now we’re gonna have to spend the next two years listening to nonsense from people who think they understand photoshop when, in fact, they don’t. Bummer.

    Y’know, if I’m looking to prove the authenticity of an image, I sure as hell don’t introduce it into a software application known for its use in fauxtography. I’m just sayin’.

    An attempt to be honest and genuine about the scan would have gone something like this:

    - Assemble the President, the House and Senate speakers, and two of the White House’s IT staff
    - Use a really nice scanner, and set the scanner’s software to scan in the highest resolution possible, and to save to .TIFF images.
    - Scan the front, and the back of the document.
    - DON’T compress the images, let them be huge. (Space and bandwidth are cheap.)
    - Perform MD5 sums/hashes on both front and back images.

    - Draft a document saying who was present at the scanning, and who performed it. All present sign.
    - That document is also scanned and MD5 summed/hashed.

    - Give copies of everything created today to everyone involved.
    - Post the copies and MD5 files to the White House Web server.

    There, see? Wasn’t that easy? Well, apparently not for Obama’s administration.

  25. 25

    Response to Gladiator @:
    To respond to the OT, because one of the guys killed was the husband of a friend of mine at work…

    His name was Frank Bryant. Janice and Frank had a little boy last year. They had gone on vacation to Hawaii just a few weeks ago, while he was on R&R from Afghanistan. She was SO happy.

    On Thursday she found out Frank was one of the guys killed, and her entire world collapsed.

    NO, we’re not allowed to have our weapons loaded on base. They make us clear them – even in a goddamn warzone – unless it’s an MP or SP working. For everyone’s safety, ostensibly. This isn’t a new policy. When I was deployed under Bush, we had to clear our weapons every time we entered base, because they didn’t trust us not to fuck up and negligently discharge our weapons. (Ironically, the only serious negligent discharge happened when a member of the CG’s personnel security detail shot a buddy while they were drunk, and damaged both his lungs). This isn’t an Obama policy or a David Petraeus policy or anything of the sort. It’s pretty standard. I’m sure it’s that way in Afghanistan too.

    The pilots were apparently training this Afghan motherfucker, had a disagreement during a meeting, and he just went off and shot them. Drawing a pistol and shooting back when your assault is completely unexpected is difficult under the best of circumstances. How is one supposed to do so effectively when you have to extract your mag from the mag pouch, load it and THEN shoot back???

  26. 26

    In the Air Force we go hot ALL the time. Condition one. Before I retired, and as a “contractor” now. You would think the other services would have learned from shit like Beirut all those years ago. From all the shit that’s happened since. I just don’t know what to say to y’all.

    But, to try and lighten the chill on my spine, have a little fun.

  27. 27
    LC hilljohnny, possom poker growls and barks:

    DJ Allyn, ITW says:

    It wouldn’t matter to you people if there was a Super 8 film of Obama’s head cresting in the middle of Madison Square Garden with thousands of people looking on as witnesses.

    your right DJ. it still wouldn’t be Hawaii. :em99:

  28. 28
    lemurking growls and barks:

    Do I think Obama shouldn’t be where he is today? No, I don’t – because (a) I think he’s not a valid natural-born citizen, (b) because I’m still in shock that such a high percentage of Americans can’t form coherent thoughts long enough to recognize a liar when they see one, and (c) I kinda sorta think the POTUS is a POS. Maybe that makes me a bad person.

    The “scanned” document as provided is just too flawed to be of any use whatsoever and I seriously wonder how much of it was purely to put chum in the shark-tank for a diversion. AgTiger outlined the honest person’s approach and there’s precious little of that kind of thinking in the Obama Admin’s actions.

    There are, as was mentioned by someone up there a ways, some far more immediate concerns – like the fact that this guy is still making decisions that all of us will have to live with the consequences of for a long time. I’m deeply concerned that Trump’s maneuvering will accomplish for Obama what Perot’s actions did for Clinton in the 90′s.

    Man am I sorry to hear about Bryant – many levels of wrong there.

  29. 29
    Jules growls and barks:

    If scanning can cause such problems with the final file, why not just take a photo of the dang thing and upload it as is?