Ted, You Disappoint Us. You Really Did Yourself in There…

Ted Cruz is, was, our preferred candidate going in as you all know. And yes, as we’ve pointed out before, our view of him has changed quite a bit over the primaries as his behavior in various and sundry cage fights struck us as quite a bit less honorable (we finally managed to spell it without a “u”! Who said we’d never make it!) than what we’d expected, but we never ever truly gave up hope that one day he would be ready for a comeback.

But with his behavior (another “u” we left out!) tonight, we have to say he went too far.

What’d he do? Did he eat a live puppy on stage? Did he declare his unabiding love for Cankles’ fetid inner thighs?

No. Worse than that.

He violated his own word.

TODD: You’ve said some tough things on Trump. Why are you comfortable supporting him as the nominee if he ends up the nominee.

CRUZ: Well, listen, I pledged at the outset I will support the Republican nominee, whoever it is…

TODD: Why are you making a pledge to the party and not to the voters?

CRUZ: Because Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders would be a manifest disaster. If Hillary is the president, we will lose the Supreme Court for a generation, the Second Amendment will be written out of the Bill of Rights, we’ll lose our religious liberty, we’ll be buried in debt and our will remain coming out of school without jobs, without opportunities. Hillary would be disastrous for this country. So the answer is not simply to resign yourself to Donald Trump, who would be a disaster as well, the answer is to beat Donald.

TODD: Given everything you’ve just said about him in this interview, you still will support him if that is what the Republican party does?

CRUZ: You know, Chuck, I’m a very simple man and when I give my word for something, I follow through and do what I said.

Except when you don’t, obviously.

We’re sorry, that’s a bridge too far.

Don’t get us wrong, Senator. We absolutely understand why you’d rather drink a bucket full of Hillary’s vaginal discharge than endorse Trump at this point, it’s not like the two of you don’t have a history, but… You gave your word.

You gave your WORD.

No matter how distasteful keeping said word might turn out to be in the future, you’re still bound by it. Your word is your bond.

Oh shit, we just lifted that from the First Wookie, Moochelle Obama’s speech, didn’t we? That means that we, like Melania Trump, are worse than Hitler, according to the Prozi Media. After all, nobody in the history of mankind ever used those words before she halfway intelligibly horked them out past her testicle shelf. Oh well, if we have to be Worse than Hitler™ together with a beautiful lady like Melania, we can live with it, we suppose. But we digress.

Your word IS your bond. If you violate your own word, then your word will never mean anything ever again. If you can do it once, you can do it every time. Or every other time or every third time. It doesn’t matter. Your word is, from that point onwards, worthless. Just like ¡Ruuuuubio!’s word is worth less than koranimal shit after he lied about amnesty. He lied once. Nobody can convince us that any single future statement out of his mouth isn’t also a lie.

Yes, again, we do understand “changing your mind.” That’s why, if you’re in doubt as to whether or not you’ll be able to keep a promise, YOU DON’T MAKE IT! That’s not hard. We’ve been in situations in our life numerous times where somebody asked us if we’d do something that we really, really wanted to do and were absolutely fine with doing at the time, but weren’t quite sure if we could follow through on it. So we didn’t make the promise, because then we wouldn’t have to potentially one day back down on it. That’s not hard. Just don’t make the promise. Because once you do, you’re bound by it.

But perhaps you were just thinking “yeah right, that silly reality show star isn’t ever going to win the primaries, so I won’t ever have to make good on this promise. Hey, I’ll just make it.”

That’s a pity, and we really mean that. You see, we really admired you for all the things you did to shake up the Imperial DC apple cart. When Trump used “nobody likes him” as a weapon against you, we took that as an endorsement, because we don’t ever want anybody who is liked by those filthy, lying, Quisling pigs in DC. When somebody said “oh yeah, but what did he actually achieve by standing up to the Uniparty?”, we replied “he stood up, didn’t he? What the fuck did YOU do? And, by the way, could you please spit out Obama’s cock before you answer because your words are kind of muffled right now.”

But perhaps it was all a show. Perhaps your “standing athwart the DC Uniparty’s progress, yelling STOP!”, your “fighting against impossible odds because at least you’re fighting” was all a show? Perhaps it was all a ploy by the increasingly uneasy Uniparty to make us dumb rubes think that “hey, there’s still something to work with! Let’s not burn the house down just yet!”

We actually heard that over the past years and we always answered “you’re being a bit paranoid, aren’t you? Ted’s a good man. He’d never agree to something like that. He’s done everything he said he would do, hasn’t he? OK, so he hasn’t won yet, but the time will come. At least they’re not ALL rotten, bought scoundrels.”

Now that you’ve shown yourself to have no honor, we’re no longer so sure.

Maybe it was all a carefully choreographed show for the “rubes.” Maybe your torpedoing of the latest Shamnesty bill was all pre-arranged, like a Wrasslin’ match where the underdog gets to win one, inconsequential battle while all of the important ones go to the other side, just to keep the audience thinking that maybe, just maybe, there’s a comeback in the offing.

We’re not saying it was, but we can’t really know anymore, can we?

You’re done for.

You’re dead to us now.

Nithing.

Thatisall.

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LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.TerrapodLC Mike in Chiredc1c4LC SecondMouse Recent comment authors
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LC Xystus
LC Xystus

Talking to Demagogue propaganda guy Chunk Toad may have been his initial mistake.

angrywebmaster
angrywebmaster

Cruz jumped the shark, then went to the nuclear test range and climbed into a fridge.
:em06:
So disappointing. We had such high hopes for him.

Of course, he isn’t alone here. Kasich has come off as an insufferable egomaniac.
:em02:

Bones
Bones

I’m sure that he felt it was “regan-esque” as ronald never endorsed ford prior to his embarrasing loss to carter, then regan came back four years later with a vengenance. If that was what he was thinking, he is going to have a hell of a wakeup call in 2020! Good riddance to bad rubbish. As for the rest of… Read more »

Azygos
Azygos

I think this is the first time I have disagreed with you since I started reading your site over the 4th of July 2003. Except maybe for the shade of eyeshadow you wore for your Nth birthday party. (And for a small fee I think I can make those pictures go away) Is a non-endorsement an anti-endorsement? Here we have… Read more »

JonB
JonB

The pieces of the puzzle are curious to me. Cruz gives his word to endorse the GOP candidate, then, on national television and in front of millions, he goes back on it. His wife escorted by police from the arena for her protection (a show, to make trump supporters look bad). He’s practically booed off stage. But he was apparently… Read more »

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher

JonB @ #:5
Of course Cruz is evil, so is Trump, and every other damned politician. If they weren’t evil they couldn’t stomach being politicians.

Fa Cube Itches
Fa Cube Itches

To paraphrase The Man With The Plan from Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead: I’m a politician. My word don’t mean dick.
– Ted Cruz

LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology

Gotta play devil’s advocate here.

Did Ted Cruz ever promise to endorse the GOP nominee? Or just to “support” him?

Moreover, we still have 3½ months until the election. Even if support = endorse, Cruz could wait until the first weekend in November and he’d technically be making good on his vow.

BC, Imperial Torturer
BC, Imperial Torturer

I have to say that I’m in agreement with Library Czar on this one. If someone had viciously attacked my wife and father, it’d be a cold day in Jamaica before I’d endorse him/her for any office. I didn’t hear one word from Ted that wasn’t true in his speech. We’ve been told for decades that we had to “support… Read more »

L.O.R. Ankle biter
L.O.R. Ankle biter

I’m with Library Czar and Getalis. I loved that speech the other night, and also, I understood Trump himself waffled on the pledge and even renounced it months ago. “Vote your conscience” shouldn’t be cause for boos, which I heard were whipped up by Trump staff. Blame the twitter machine if that’s wrong. Voting your conscience is what you should… Read more »

angrywebmaster
angrywebmaster

If Cruz had just stopped before the last paragraph, even with the refusal to keep his word, he would have probably been ok. Now, he’s managed to castrate himself. I understand he was refused entry to the various delegations, including Texas, the one state you would think he would have been welcomed. I suspect there’s a lot more going on… Read more »

FrankOK
FrankOK

I never did understand how Cruz could possibly be worth shit and his wife be a high-up in Goldman Sachs – that place breeds devils and antichrist wannabes. His political suicide is more than welcome.

:em05:

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher

L.O.R. Ankle biter @ #:10
I’m thinking about writing in James Earl Carter, the worst living ex president eligible for another term.

LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology

I’m starting to suspect this was a brilliant gambit. Clear away the smoke and one thing stands conspicuous: everybody came out getting what they wanted (Ted Cruz) or needed (everyone else). Ted Cruz didn’t want to endorse the man who called him a liar, his wife ugly and his father a co-conspirator in the JFK assassination. So he intentionally didn’t… Read more »

BC, Imperial Torturer
BC, Imperial Torturer

Well said, Mein Imperator. If it were me, I’d have told the RNC and Trump’s people to kindly go fuck themselves with Moochelle’s prehensile dick, then jump off the top of the Washington monument, before I’d have agreed to show up at their convention. But, that’s just me. Now, as to the general erection (not a typo, since we’re gonna… Read more »

Fa Cube Itches
Fa Cube Itches

LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology @ #:

Just one problem with that theory – it involves a Republican playing 8th dimensional chess, when they’ve shown themselves incapable of mastering anything at or above the complexity of Candyland.

angrywebmaster
angrywebmaster

Fa Cube Itches @ #:

Just one problem with that theory – it involves a Republican playing 8th dimensional chess, when they’ve shown themselves incapable of mastering anything at or above the complexity of Candyland.

I think Candyland might be a bit to complex for most of them.
:em03:

LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology

Fa Cube Itches says: Just one problem with that theory – it involves a Republican playing 8th dimensional chess, when they’ve shown themselves incapable of mastering anything at or above the complexity of Candyland. True, but Trump & Cruz aren’t your garden-variety Republicans. Two more things stand out to me: Trump’s “Peekaboo!” on the convention floor at the end of… Read more »

I understand the basics of the tiff. You insult my wife, insult my (deceased) father, and then you want me to support you? Srsly? But the shoe being on the other hand, I can’t help but think there would have been a better way to say fuck you than what he did. Still, as grandpa used to point out, there’s… Read more »

LC SecondMouse
LC SecondMouse

I am so weary of this. Excuse the impertinence, Emperor, but you are like a sinking ship, firing on your rescuer. Permit me to repost something I wrote on another forum, under another handle, in response to similar group hallucinations: **** Up is down and down is up. Never has the truth been so uniformly reviled by Americans without regard… Read more »

redc1c4
redc1c4

the only people surprised by these events are the one’s who thought Cruz was anything other than just another politician…

:em03:

LC Xystus
LC Xystus

LC SecondMouse:

Faced with the choice between standing for principle or keeping their jobs, the party leadership has chosen the latter..

You were expecting them to choose differently?

redc1c4
redc1c4

Picture YOU making a pledge to back the nominee, and that person turns out to be the guy who publicly humiliated and talked shit about YOUR family.

much of my family deserves to be publicly humiliated and have shit talked about them: they’re autonomic Demonrats.

LC Mike in Chi
LC Mike in Chi

Cruz is good little doggie; he bites RINOS and Demo-craps with an obviously well prepared direction. As Trump entered, was that a smirk on Teddy’s mug as they escorted him out? He’d make an interesting SecDef or even State. Foggy Bottom could use a good house cleaning.

angrywebmaster
angrywebmaster

LC Mike in Chi @ #: Cruz is good little doggie; he bites RINOS and Demo-craps with an obviously well prepared direction. As Trump entered, was that a smirk on Teddy’s mug as they escorted him out? He’d make an interesting SecDef or even State. Foggy Bottom could use a good house cleaning. Well, sad to say, it looks like… Read more »

Terrapod
Terrapod

Heh! Being stuck where only CNN and other progzy news is piped in, am having a great time watching the CNN anchor bimbos in hysterics over the DNC melting down. Can’t wait for the open warfare phase when the Bernites lob flaming poop bombs at the party elites…. this is the most fun I have had in weeks or at… Read more »

angrywebmaster
angrywebmaster

Terrapod @ #: this is the most fun I have had in weeks or at least since I heard Wasserman took a hike Debbie Downer has flown the coop…literally. She won’t even be gaveling the convention open or closed. She’s flown out for Florida. She has a primary opponent and I think Debbie Blabbermouth has just become the underdog in… Read more »

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.

There is so much precious stuff still waiting. Gotta love it.