Michael, the Fuck-a-Bee

Sorry, Monty Python reference there. Anybody getting it gets a free subscription to the A.I.R. Pleasure Dome, aka B.C.’s House of Happiness.

Speaking of candidates for whom the fat lady is singing loudly (thanks, LC purple raider), Mike Fuckabee really ought to be at the top of the list unless he dropped out already and we just didn’t notice. Not unlikely, considering his, er, lack of presence. Or reason to exist, actually. Speaking about evangelicals and our refusal to anoint him, Mike, our Savior, he says the following:

Mike Huckabee said in an interview on Wednesday that evangelical groups won’t support his presidential campaign out of fear they would no longer be able to fundraise if Christian policies were to actually be put in place.

In an interview with Fox News pundit Todd Starnes on his podcast, the former governor of Arkansas was asked if he felt betrayed by evangelical leaders and organizations that have gravitated towards Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio.

[...]

“A lot of these organizations wouldn’t have the ability to do urgent fundraising because if we slay the dragon, what dragon do they continue to fight? And so, for many of them, it could be a real detriment to their organization’s abilities to gin up their supporters and raise the contributions, and I know that sounds cynical but, Todd, it’s just, it is what it is,” Huckabee said.

O dragon slayer, how grievously we have wronged ye!

We suppose you’re right. After all, if only you could get to the White House, this entire Good vs. Evil struggle of our Christian faith that we’ve blown a couple of millennia on would basically be over, wouldn’t it? The mission of the Holy Church to spread the Word, take care of the sick and poor, stand up to evil, lies, corruption and so on and so forth?

All over with the Coming of the Huck! Seriously, with you and your Holy Bitchin’ Bass at 1600 Penn Ave, we’d pretty much have to close up the shop, roll up the carpets and, we guess, play harps and such for the rest of eternity! Poverty? Gone! Evil? Where? Sickness? With one mighty strum of the Bass of Righteousness, all illnesses went up in a poof of smoke!

Damn, we could skip all of that scary stuff in Revelation, not to mention the complete freakout of the Rapture and just watch the credits roll.

And here we were, thinking that we had to wait for the Messiah for all of that to happen, when all we had to do was to vote for Mike Huckabee in 2016!

Silly humans.

epicfacepalm

Sorry, Mike, but we’ve already tried installing a twat with Terminal Narcissistic Messianic Disorder in the White House. It didn’t work out so well, so we think we’ll pass.

Now please go join a cult somewhere nice, quiet, backwards and far out of the way. Preferably without electricity.

Lack of oxygen would be nice, too.

Thatisall.

5 comments

  1. 1
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Well, there was one good thing coming out of his delusional pursuit of the Oval Office. He had to give up his show on Fox.
    :em01:
    And why is it I seem to be the first poster? Granted, I’m on the East Coast and you are in a reasonably free state and all, but I would think your massively, supremely thoughtful and terrific posts would be seen by others closer to the Imperial printing press?
    :em03:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Rubio machineguns himself in both feetMy Profile

  2. 2
    LC Xystus growls and barks:

    Sorry, Mike, but we’ve already tried installing a twat with Terminal Narcissistic Messianic Disorder in the White House.

    “Terminal? Not to him, unfortunately. Maybe to the Republic. :-(

  3. 3
    LC Xystus growls and barks:

    Sorry, Monty Python reference there.

    Sorry, I missed it.

  4. 4
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC Xystus says:

    Sorry, I missed it.

    Can a bee be said to be, or not to be, an entire bee,
    When half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?

    It’s the chorus that does it.

    ;)
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..We’re Coming to Get You, You Elitist, Tyrant Bastards.My Profile

  5. 5
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Here’s something amusing.
    I went to my gun range yesterday. it’s been very popular with GOP candidates running for President. Of course, they had pictures of them with the results of their shooting.

    Here’s what I saw.
    Paul Rand, fair groups, but not that many rounds in the 10 ring.

    Lindsey Graham, It looked like he was using sights that were accurate to one minute of basketball. Nothing in the 10 ring and it looked like he barely hit the paper.
    :em07:

    Ted Cruz, He wasn’t using the same style target as the others. His was a man shaped picture, and full size. Looks like he was using both a pistol and an AR from the holes. I think he was imagining the target was Trump. Head shots, gut shots and a couple where the reproductive organs would be.
    :em05:

    James Gilmore, He punched out the 10 ring. His group was probably 2 inches. Obviously hits what he aims at.

    Huckabee, good groups but he was shooting low.
    :em02:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Cankles wants to be “Obama’s 3rd Term”My Profile