Merry Christmas, Now With Added Schlong

Because, why not?

It sure is amusing as Hades watching the ever so clever “analysts” from inside the Beltway and the DNC Steno Pool twist themselves into pretzels trying to come up with ever more offensive interpretations of the expression “getting schlonged” in order to please their queen, Hiiiiiillary!

It’s even more amusing how they’ve suddenly forgotten that this expression, which means nothing more than “getting screwed”, the allegedly most sexist, misogynist, possibly RAYCISSS word in the history of words, was used years ago… by NPR.

The panic is certainly spreading. So saying that the Hildebeest got schlonged, which she’s unlikely to have been since… when was the year before Chelsea was born again?, is right OUT and quite absolutely positively sure to cause Trump to crash and burn. Got it.

So “got screwed” is OK? “Cock slapped,” maybe? “Bent over a barrel?” “Beaten like a red-headed stepchild?” No, that last one is quite obviously gingerphobic.

We got nuttin’.

No schlong, huh? Bloody Jew-hating bastards.

Instead, we wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and thanks, from the bottom of our Imperial heart, inasmuch as we have one, rumor has it that it’s nothing but a single molecule of blackest coal, for sticking around on this little web hangout of ours.

May you all have all that you wish for, and may 2016 be a happy and prosperous one!


UPDATE: Since we can’t abide the thought that anybody, anywhere, is more offensive that we are, we’ve decided on our very own way of describing The Cankled One’s defeat to Princess Precious Perfect:

She got shtupped by a shmekel.

Beat THAT one, Trump, you amateur!


  1. 1
    BC, Imperial Torturer growls and barks:

    The last time Shillary got anything close to a “schlonging” was when Helen “Arafat’s Ass-Play Whore” Thomas spent a long weekend fisting her while wearing her favorite “Incredible Hulk: Fists o’ Fury”, in the XXXL size.

  2. 2
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    BC, Imperial Torturer says:

    The last time Shillary got anything close to a “schlonging” was when Helen “Arafat’s Ass-Play Whore” Thomas spent a long weekend fisting her while wearing her favorite “Incredible Hulk: Fists o’ Fury”, in the XXXL size.

    Dang, B.C., thanks for that visual. Not. :em06:

    We really ARE getting the band together, aren’t we :em01:

  3. 3
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Is it true that Cankles had Thomas’s rotting corpse disinterred so she could “Talk to the hand” as it were?

    And my Xmas sucks. Just got back from the emergency room. Seems I broke some ossified tendons in my shoulder when I was blasting away with my AR last weekend

  4. 4
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Excellent “Young Frankenstein” reference there old boy! I for one wish fervently that Hildebeest gets shlonged all the way to November, to the point she “fell and can’t get up” without Medic One.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all members of the Rott family and circle of friends. May the new year bring blessings, wealth and health.

  5. 5
    LC FX Phillips growls and barks:

    Good to see you back and barking Emperor. :em01:

    Merry Christmas to all who come here and even those who don’t.

  6. 6
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    And to all, may I wish you and yours a very politically incorrect Christmas. Feel free to through a yule tide liberal log on the fire.

  7. 7
    LC Beaker, Imperial Photographer growls and barks:

    Merry Christmas to all. I’ve been away from here for far too long, and it’s been nice over the last month or so to get reaquainted with what was once my first stop when I fired up the computer. I’m ashamed to admit that I forgot how much I loved it here.

    I wanted to pass this along. It’s been a very lean year (actually, the last few have been) in my household, but I got a most enjoyable Christmas present today. I went shopping with my nineteen-year-old daughter today because it was her payday and she had planned to get something she’s had her eye on for a long time. As we’re leaving the store, and she’s going over the receipt, she notices what the 8% California sales tax just cost her. We spent the whole ride home with her ranting about the stupidity of liberals and Democrats in general, how the ever-increasing tax rates NEVER seem to solve anything, and how people should work more and receive handouts less.

    She’s 19. She’s in putting herself through school (with a job), and she’s a patriot and a conservative. I can’t think of a better Christmas present anyone could give me this year. It fuels that small flame of confidence I still have that this nation will have great days ahead of her.

  8. 8
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    LC Beaker – congratulations on that fine young lady you are raising. I too have had a wonderful early present – today youngest graduated with a degree in Computer Science and announced he already has a job – no gap, no muss, no fuss. We are drinking a wee dram in celebration! Best of luck and may the new year be a wealth of riches for all of us.

  9. 9
    Library Czar growls and barks:

    I’m sure she has never been asked if she “Would you like another schnitzengruben?

    Those are only for the Little Peeples :em02:

  10. 10
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    BC, Imperial Torturer @ #:
    Well, there was the time Huma gave her a bashing with that weiner-thingy she keeps in her night stand at home.
    Overheard off-mic at a town hall meeting: Huma: “I’ll give you another go, Hill, but I think you bent it a bit to the left.”
    Hilly: “I’d like to use it on Rush Limbaugh, that’d straighten it out a bit…”

  11. 11
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    Oh my yes, of course…
    Merry Christmas all y’all, from the south side of Chicago.
    Stay safe, keep your neck on a swivel and your chin up.
    Mike Howard

  12. 12

    Merry CHRISTmas, y’all. And one might hope that Hitlery might even be touched by God’s hand. Smitten, even.