Darwin Weekly Award Winner [Update]

I think I’m safe saying that we’ve all had one of those “hold my beer and watch this Bubba” moments, but sometimes even those are exceeded by something that’s beyond any sane person’s understanding. This is one of them.

This moron test subject decided to try placing a red, fire ant nest in his skivvies, allowing them of course, to 1) get mighty pissed off and 2) begin biting the bugger-all out of his tender nether regions. He made a good showing peeling down with a bit of panache, but things went downhill mighty quick when the “test” begins in earnest. The test objective is rather obscure unless it was a demonstration of his pain tolerance.

His screams to have his pals hose down his manhood, attempting to rid his groin of the ants are just priceless.

For his accomplishment we here at the Rott award him this week’s Darwin Award, with an Oak Leaf Cluster for exceptional Idiotarianism.

[Update: Well fuck me senseless. I didn’t download the dang video to the Empire’s media library and Youtube yanked it. Poof Gone!! My bad.]

-Carry On

JB sends from the Outer Blue Rim of the Empire….end transmission.

27 comments

  1. 1
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    I must object to a Darwin Award. He lived and there is no indication that he has been rendered sterile so that he will not produce further generations of morons.

  2. 2
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Well then, let him take the Mendeleev award, as he has proven maggots breed and evolution does not necessarily favor mental development.

  3. 3
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    angrywebmaster says:

    I must object to a Darwin Award. He lived and there is no indication that he has been rendered sterile so that he will not produce further generations of morons.

    Agreed, however I felt his superior stupidity was worthy of merit. Indeed the Empire By-Laws require recipients of the Darwin Award to take themselves out of the gene pool entirely and this was not the case to my knowledge. No doubt his physical ability to reproduce will be impeded for some time to come and it’s doubtful that a suitable mate will be found that has knowledge of his ‘experiment’. But then again, a female subject for the same experiment could come to light as well. Now that would be the epitome of Idiotarianism. Much harder to rid the female anatomy of the ants dontcha’ know.

    After consideration and agreement with your assessment, we’ll change the award to just plain “Dumb Shit Of The Month”.

  4. 4
    Erbo growls and barks:

    He definitely qualifies for what the Darwin Awards call the “At-Risk Survivor” designation, which is for people that apply the same “astounding misapplication of judgement” that actual award winners do, but stop short of making the ultimate sacrifice.

  5. 5
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    LC Jackboot IC/A @ #:

    After consideration and agreement with your assessment, we’ll change the award to just plain “Dumb Shit Of The Month”.

    And, for his next trick, using his dangly bits as bait at the next piranha tournament.
    :em05:

  6. 6
    Fa Cube Itches growls and barks:

    This guy’s an amateur. There were two dudes who died from snorting a line of fire ants (who all proceeded to sting the shit out of their nasal passages, sinuses, and throats, thereby causing swelling which asphyxiated them).

  7. 7

    And the thing is, you can’t make this shit up!

  8. 8
    LC SecondMouse growls and barks:

    A future Congressman from California, no doubt.

  9. 9
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    ” rel=”nofollow”>Obama in his natural habitat 😈

  10. 10
    Retired Spook growls and barks:

    Once upon a time, I was sighting-in a .22 rifle for my son’s stepson, trying to make sure that it was REALLY dialed in. Shooting from prone, at 25 yards. About the 4th or 5th 5-shot group, I realized that I’d been lying there with one foot in a fire ant bed. By the time I got my head out of the scope (or the up-and-locked position, take your pick) and back into the real world, I had 27 ant bites on one foot. Fortunately, the only thing I’m allergic to is hard work, so it had no serious effect.

    But I’ve never ant-agonized the little bastards on purpose!

  11. 11
    LCBrendan growls and barks:

    I wasnt looking

    I didnt check to see who posted it

    I clicked on an RR link

    WHY GOD OH WHY DID I DO THAT??? :em06:

  12. 12
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Oh great. Youtube pulled the video because it violates their phony terms of service.
    :em08:
    I just spent the weekend cleaning up old posts that youtube screwed up, including the one regarding the new Islamic brothal I did the other day.

    I hate Google.

  13. 13
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    LCBrendan @ #:

    WHY GOD OH WHY DID I DO THAT???

    Masochistic tendencies?
    :em05:

  14. 14
    readerjp growls and barks:

    NOTHING has happened in the last week?

  15. 15
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    :mrgreen:

  16. 16
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    GET IT WHILE YOU CAN: Ebay, Walmart, Sears, and Amazon have BANNED the SALE of the Confederate battle flag: there are some listings right now on Ebay still.

    http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_sacat=0&_nkw=confederate+flag&_pgn=2&_skc=50&rt=nc

    Fuck these bastards. Gov. Terry “Clinton Machine” McAuliffe has just announced that the Sons of Confederate Veterans in VIRGINIA will be forbidden to buy license plates with the flag.

    The NAACP is continuing its push to bulldoze all memorials of the Old South out of existence.

    Whether you’re a Southerner or not, you should rebel against Big Brother kicking us around!!!

    The lynch mob, foaming-at-the-mouth are in full cry on Facebook: spewing hatred for all things Southern. They’ll be smashing our windows and looting our stores next.

  17. 17
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    H. L. Mencken on the Gettysburg Address:

    The Gettysburg speech is at once the shortest and the most famous oration in American history. Put beside it, all the whoopings of the Websters, Sumners and Everetts seem gaudy and silly. It is eloquence brought to a pellucid and almost child-like perfection—the highest emotion reduced to one graceful and irresistible gesture. Nothing else precisely like it is to be found in the whole range of oratory. Lincoln himself never even remotely approached it. It is genuinely stupendous.

    But let us not forget that it is oratory, not logic; beauty, not sense. Think of the argument in it! Put it into the cold words of everyday! The doctrine is simply this: that the Union soldiers who died at Gettysburg sacrificed their lives to the cause of self-determination — “that government of the people, by the people, for the people,” should not perish from the earth.

    It is difficult to imagine anything more untrue. The Union soldiers in that battle actually fought against self-determination; it was the Confederates who fought for the right of their people to govern themselves.

    What was the practical effect of the battle of Gettysburg? What else than the destruction of the old sovereignty of the States, i. e., of the people of the States?

    The Confederates went into battle an absolutely free people; they came out with their freedom subject to the supervision and vote of the rest of the country—and for nearly twenty years that vote was so effective that they enjoyed scarcely any freedom at all. Am I the first American to note the fundamental nonsensicality of the Gettysburg address? If so, I plead my aesthetic joy in it in amelioration of the sacrilege.

    Italics mine.

    http://faithandheritage.com/2012/07/h-l-mencken-on-abraham-lincoln-and-the-gettysburg-address/

  18. 18
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    One more funny bit from Mencken, on the Lincoln cult:

    The growth of the Lincoln legend is truly amazing. He becomes the American solar myth, the chief butt of American credulity and sentimentality. Washington, of late years, has been perceptibly humanized; every schoolboy now knows that he used to swear a good deal, and was a sharp trader, and had a quick eye for a pretty ankle.

    But meanwhile the varnishers and veneerers have been busily converting Abe into a plaster saint, thus making him fit for adoration in the chautauquas and Y. M. C. A.’s. All the popular pictures of him show him in his robes of state, and wearing an expression fit for a man about to be hanged. There is, so far as I know, not a single portrait of him showing him smiling—and yet he must have cackled a good deal, first and last: who ever heard of a storyteller who didn’t?

    Worse, there is an obvious effort to pump all his human weaknesses out of him, and so leave him a mere moral apparition, a sort of amalgam of John Wesley and the Holy Ghost. What could be more absurd?

    Lincoln, in point of fact, was a practical politician of long experience and high talents, and by no means cursed with inconvenient ideals. On the contrary, his career in the Illinois Legislature was that of a good organization man, and he was more than once denounced by reformers.

    Even his handling of the slavery question was that of a politician, not that of a fanatic. Nothing alarmed him more than the suspicion that he was an Abolitionist. Barton tells of an occasion when he actually fled town to avoid meeting the issue squarely. A genuine Abolitionist would have published the Emancipation Proclamation the day after the first battle of Bull Run. But Lincoln waited until the time was more favorable—until Lee had been hurled out of Pennsylvania, and, more important still, until the political currents were safely running his way.

    Always he was a wary fellow, both in his dealings with measures and in his dealings with men. He knew how to keep his mouth shut.

  19. 19
    LC Xystus growls and barks:

    Looks as if H. L. Monkeyshine may just have lived too close to Lincoln’s time. He’s no longer seen in such a quasi-divine light. But then getting ass’inated will do things for your reputation.

  20. 20
    Muzzy - Imperial Ignorant Slut growls and barks:

    Tallulah @ #:

    GET IT WHILE YOU CAN: Ebay, Walmart, Sears, and Amazon have BANNED the SALE of the Confederate battle flag: there are some listings right now on Ebay still.

    Pretty soon you’ll only be able to get it on the black market.

    Which is kind of ironic when you think about it…

  21. 21
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Ladies and gentlemen. IN order to bring us back on topic, I have a true winner of the Darwin award. this guy decided it was a good idea to become a real life “Goldmember”
    He just tired using an electroplating machine to do it.
    :em05:

  22. 22
    LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology growls and barks:

    Can I nominate Judas Roberts for the next Darwin Award?

  23. 23
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology @ #:

    Can I nominate Judas Roberts for the next Darwin Award?

    I would say what I want to nominate him for, but we don’t need visits from the Gestapo DHS
    :em08:

  24. 24
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    And on the better side of the news today, Bob Beckel was fired by Fox.
    :em01:

  25. 25
    readerjp growls and barks:

    I can’t believe this story about a moron is STILL the last thing to be posted. I guess no one checks the mailbox.

    But speaking of the HUGE Supreme Court Obamacare decision, here is something interesting. Actually, I thought of this myself before I saw it in the story.
    —————————————————————————————

    In the wake of Thursday’s King v. Burwell Supreme Court decision upholding Obamacare, at least one attorney who has argued cases before the court is calling for the justices who filed the majority opinion to be impeached.

    All six of them need to go, says Larry Klayman, founder of Freedom Watch.

    As Justice Antonin Scalia makes clear in his dissent, the six justices actually rewrote the Affordable Care Act instead of interpreting it. Scalia wrote that the legacy of the Roberts Court will be “forever the discouraging truth that the Supreme Court of the United States favors some laws over others, and is prepared to do whatever it takes to uphold and assist its favorites.”

    Klayman has become gravely concerned about the independence of the Supreme Court following a whistleblower’s allegations that private information about Chief Justice John Roberts was “harvested” illegally by the U.S. government.

    Although it is illegal for the Central Intelligence Agency to operate within the domestic United States, a contractor whose company was hired to perform the “harvesting” for the CIA has come forward to blow the whistle. That contractor, identified in an earlier article by WND as Dennis Montgomery, claims to have proof that the CIA harvested personal and private information about Roberts and other federal judges and may be intimidating the Supreme Court with the threat of leaking personally damaging information.

    “Let’s take this possibility: Why did Chief Justice Roberts at the eleventh hour change his decision? He was going to side with the other justices and find that Obamacare was unconstitutional. Is it something that was dug up on him by the NSA or the CIA? Was that used against him to blackmail him?” Klayman asked during the Aaron Klein Investigative Radio show.

    “These are the kinds of things [the government is doing], and that’s why it’s so scary what’s going on with the NSA and the CIA,” he said. “It can happen in a democracy. So that may help explain it, and perhaps we can reach these issues through the NSA cases that we brought, the NSA/CIA cases. I intend to get the truth on this.”

    Read more at http://www.wnd.com/2015/06/watchdog-lawyer-says-6-supremes-must-be-impeached/#0TvSHQXmLzPL7bqS.99

  26. 26
    readerjp growls and barks:

    The EDIT function does not work.

  27. 27

    So, I checked both of the RR links. I see no brain bleach requirement in either. Dead nuts on, both of them.