Alive and Semi-Well, But Behind Enemy Lines…. Again

Well my friends, where to start on this story. Back in late December my health took a turn for the worse with a new job that I was putting in 80 hours a week for and on salary which means no extra dinero a’tall. My BP went through the roof and the Doc couldn’t get it under control. He put me out on medical leave for 3 weeks to keep me from stroking out. For those of us medically inclined, it was averaging 215/120. During that time my significant other was out of town on a major project leaving me home to take care of the ranch. The solitude got to me and that old John Barleycorn demon grabbed my ancient ass and hard !! I ended up in the hospital to dry out for a few days and a neighbor, filling in to feed the critters found the empties scattered through the house and told her. Needless to say the shit hit the fan. Once she returned I was given the boot and ended up in a sober facility in a nearby small town. Unfortunately, the day after I was discharged all nice and clean, I was rear ended by a truck towing a large horse trailer. Professor Newton’s laws won the day for the truck and my trusty Ford was totaled. A week later I learned that while I was hospitalized my insurance policy had canceled = no fixee for the horse. Considering I had a 45 minute drive to work and no other means to get there, I lost the job too. No money, no car, no laptop (pawnshop) and no job. Life sucks, then you die. I was fortunate that the local Military Peer Veterans Network was able to get me setup in the new place by paying the first month’s rent. Food was a different issue entirely. I spent a month and a half eating a baloney sandwich for my daily caloric intake. I was able on some days to donate plasma for a few dollars, but not having my hypertension meds kept me from giving on some days (they have strict guidelines on that). Adding to my troubles was a bat-shit insane former addict for a landlord that was on a power trip only surpassed by the size of the Lonestar State. In other words he was completely out of control and needed some serious psych attention. The conflict went on for a month as I continued to search for employment that was severely limited by lack of transportation. During my time there I befriended a fellow that has a good heart, but was a complete, utter and irrevocable progressive. We decided to agree to disagree lest I burst his word view by those tricky things called facts. Things came to a head at the house and I was summarily ejected for no reason and my pal decided we would hit the road to Maine to pick up his RV and make our way back to Tejas. We got there and met his nephew and family, wonderful folks all. Things went pretty smooth for awhile and then my erstwhile buddy went off on one of his schizoid attacks and dumped me at a homeless shelter in Bangor, Maine, with exactly a dime in my pocket, no cell service, very few clothes, a pair of leaky shoes (it was pouring rain that day) and a book. Talk about a wake-up call in the reality of life on the skids. I didn’t handle it well and ended up hospitalized with devastating anxiety and depression. They sent me to a wonderful crisis center where I stayed for a week to start getting my crazy ass under control. From there (it was a temporary facility), I was transferred to the Togus Maine VA hospital and was locked down in the Cuckoo’s Nest for the past 3 weeks while they got my meds under control. Regardless of the issues at the top of the VA, the staff there was no less than outstandingly helpful, kind and caring for everyone. They got me in touch with Veterans, Inc., a marvelous organization that specializes in assisting Vets get back on their feet. I was transferred to their HQ in Worcester, Taxachussetts yesterday and will be here for a short period before I get into their transitional housing program, a rent and utility free apartment of my own for up to 2-years. Needless to say I’m pining away for the fjords of the Texas Hill Country, but this is the path He has put before me for the present. I’ll be job searching to get some income happening as I’m destitute at the moment.

I fucked-up and fell to the absolute bottom and hopefully someone will read this and seek help before they too walk this path of Teh Suck™ like I am now. The VA really is an awesome resource available to those of us who have served. Also, I would urge those inclined, to throw a few Sheckles to Veterans, Inc. they have a great program to reach out to thousands of Vets.

Life really does suck right now, but I’m still in there swinging and the Good L-rd will see me through this without a doubt. I’ve never been down this wicked scary road of destitution and unemployment as well as de facto homelessness and y’all’s prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Now that I have plenty of access to a computer once again, I’ll be back on these pages once again, please forgive my dereliction of duty to the Empire.

G-d Bless you all my friends,

JB

13 comments

  1. 1

    JB,

    Sorry to hear of the problems. Hang tough my friend it’ll get better.

  2. 2
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    LC Jackboot IC/A:
    Please reread chapter six, “Into Action” in the AA BB. I myself would shrink from the use of a public media to bare my soul to such scrutiny. Details of my daily struggle with sobriety would bore a saintly man or most likely confuse him. There are wolves who want to see you fail and some that would grab you in a choke-hold and drag you down with them. Go then with the Armour O’ G_d™ and prepare yourself to be a help and not a hindrance. Too many brother Vets need your input and will want to know how you did it.
    ODAAT

  3. 3

    LC Mike in Chi says:

    LC Jackboot IC/A:
    Please reread chapter six, “Into Action” in the AA BB. I myself would shrink from the use of a public media to bare my soul to such scrutiny. Details of my daily struggle with sobriety would bore a saintly man or most likely confuse him. There are wolves who want to see you fail and some that would grab you in a choke-hold and drag you down with them. Go then with the Armour O’ G_d™ and prepare yourself to be a help and not a hindrance. Too many brother Vets need your input and will want to know how you did it.
    ODAAT

    What Mike said……

    Dammit JB, you know you have friends to call when that cunning and powerful demon alcohol gets you in it’s sights…..that’s what we’re here for, they don’t call it a fellowship for nothing. Email me and I’ll pass along my phone number, I got a few sober days under my belt as you well know

  4. 4
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Mike and Jay….I know guys but I fuckin’ isolated like we do and just lost it…dammitall…this time the fall was as far as I could get.

    Mike I’ve read the big book many times and understand your concern, but I felt the need to our little community here, to share what I’ve been through. Call it a wide broadcast 12th Step.

    Jay, I’m doing great a few days short of 4 months now and doing the meetings daily, sometimes twice. I’ll get you my number shot thru when I get the phone back on Brother.

    Too much shit hit me too fast and no tools to resist but stoopid me didn’t pick up the phone. Believe me, I now have a helluva lot more insight into myself than I’ve ever had with this bottom smacking me in the teeth.

    You my brothers are the BESTEST !!!

    Thanks y’all

  5. 5
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    HAH! I 12 step U… 😉

  6. 6
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    LC Jackboot IC/A says:

    Mike I’ve read the big book many times and understand your concern

    BTW, Thanks for steering me to read those passages once again.
    I’d been struck sober with five very young children in my charge and nowhere to live. At the time (1986) my own siblings and parents rebuked me for my failures and faults.
    I had a spiritual awakening comparable to an ice water deluge that didn’t stop for…for… Well, lets say it’s had more twists and turns then Michael Jackson’s gerry-curl, and just as slippery. (ewww…that made me cringe)
    To me, sobriety is a miracle and needs nurturing and investigation to bare good fruit.
    One definition of a miracle is a set of coincidences to protect G_d’s anonymity.
    Some don’t want it; others can’t see beyond their own reflection.
    I won’t drink again because I’m weak, I’ll do it with a will that countermands all reason, with a power that rivals all logic and sense.
    Hey, but that’s just me.

  7. 7
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Hang tough. Prayers headed out your way.

  8. 8
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Christ Jesu, brother! What happened?

    Hang in there, and don’t hesitate to reach out. Prayers inbound.

  9. 9
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Sire,

    Christ Jesu, brother! What happened?

    The post pretty much says the majority of the shit-storm of the century called my life at present. Of course, I left some more personal details out. I tried calling a few times before I left Texas, but no answer, I’m sure you were busy at the time. Things are getting worse still, but there is some hope in getting settled down. The hell of it is, I never expected to be in a situation like this at my age, especially considering the relatively minor slip I had. That Karma bitch went out of her way to fuck me again and again. I’m trying to stay positive about it all, and I know it’s part of His plan for me, but damn if it doesn’t suck syphilitic goat-balls right now.

    I’ll reach out as soon as I’m able to my brother. No phone service at the present, destitution tends to do that.

    The prayers from all y’all are deeply appreciated and L-rd knows I need them.

  10. 10
    LC Light29ID - The Imperial Asshole growls and barks:

    My heart and prayers are out for you brother. I had a rough patch when I first got here to SD but I found a place that’s cheap and jobs are readily available plus I’m in school part time. Where I live is quiet and out of the way. I still need to pull my shit together tighter but I’m working on it. I’ve made it a point of staying out of the bars and away from the poker machines, two of my bad habits. Plus this is a small town and people talk so I don’t need that shit. The job I had before didn’t work out well so I left before things got out of hand but there are others. My mother is in a nursing home in VA with dementia and I call from the Fairfax County police and they told me that she punched her roommate so I’m dealing with that. And I’m fighting with VA DMV for my title so I can register the Blazer here.

    The VA here is great also. They put me on anti-anxiety meds so I can cope better and helps kill the need for Jim Beam (tho I still drink a couple PBRs at night) plus they assured me that won’t let me lose my apartment. On top of that my landlord is an angel and like me in here to keep an eye on things.

    I don’t know what your skills sets are but there are jobs here and no income tax or personal property taxes.

  11. 11
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC Jackboot IC/A says:

    I tried calling a few times before I left Texas, but no answer, I’m sure you were busy at the time.

    I was, I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t, but still… I regret that deeply. My apologies.

    Ne’ertheless, it is good to hear from you, although I wish that the news were better, and I hope and pray that you’ll soon come home to the South where you belong, brother.

  12. 12
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Boss,

    I hope and pray that you’ll soon come home to the South where you belong, brother.

    I’m so homesick for the Lonestar state, I can’t even describe it. Yankeeland is NOT for me, especially Taxachusetts. I’ll be off to Maine soon, at least they have great CCW laws and lower taxes, but the winters SUCK BALLS.

    My goal is to make it back within a year and I intend to work my ass off to make that happen. There’s a certain red-head there that I’m trying to patch things up with. Dontcha know?

  13. 13
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    Prayers out brother…it’ll get better.