So There I Was…

As our Imperial Vileness will attest to, I have a vast repertoire of stripper stories. This is mainly due to the fact that for many years before I met Bangie Thing I was known to occasionally, only occasionally mind you, frequent gentleman’s clubs. This was done purely for altruistic reasons, but we’ll just leave that conversation for a later date. Right now I have a brand new stripper story to share.

Last night myself and a fellow prior service Marine provided a color guard for a military ball to benefit a local veterans charity. Of course we brought our better halves and enjoyed an incredible evening of brotherhood in which over $28,000 was raised to provide immediate financial help to wounded vets transitioning back into civilian life. A truly great time for a great cause.

So after the dancing is done and the bar is closed, what are two Marines in Dress Blues and their exquisite dates to do? Why move the shenanigans to a strip bar of course. Now, in keeping with our attire and not wishing to be overdressed (proper decorum after all) not just any strip club would do. No sir, only the classiest for this evening. So we were off to a very high class establishment that features a five star steak house and girls wearing evening gowns, of sorts.

First off, I have to mention that while we were enjoying our drinks and a coupe of very good cigars, an inebriated gentleman approached us and offered to buy us a round. Well, apparently to him “a round” means paying our entire bar tab for the night, which I didn’t find out about until when I went to settle up. He also dropped $300 in singles at our table for us to tip the dancers with. After some discussion we decided that we needed to pay that forward. Some of it went to the dancers to honor the wishes of our generous patron, while the rest will be used for Toys for Tots and given to our church. (Yeah, a little dichotomy there I know, it’s how we roll).

But this is not the point of my long winded tale. One of the ladies there was a tall, blonde lass named Olga who hails from Russia. Belarus to be exact. After a sloppy salute she plopped herself in my lap, much to the amusement of Bangie Thing, and in heavily accented English told me she had been in the Russian Army. Well, the conversation progressed until the inevitable effort to pry some of my money away from me by asking if I wanted a lap dance. Now, she was a fairly attractive woman, don’t get me wrong, but I was more interested in just enjoying my seegar and politely declined.

Not to be dissuaded she asks “Why not, you don’t like Russian soldat?”

I leaned in to her ear and whispered “Lady, I was in the Corps during the Cold War. I trained to kill y’all.”

After an awkward silence I was left to enjoy my stogie and the rest of my evening with my wallet relatively unmolested.


  1. 1
    LC Xystus growls and barks:

    I’d guess many men would really enjoy encountering that kind of sticky social situation. :em03:

  2. 2

    So glad to hear Hubby isn’t the only serviceman to take his wife to a gent’s club 😉

  3. 3
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    enjoy encountering that kind of sticky social situation.

    Okay, that’s just gross.


  4. 4
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    ” rel=”nofollow”>Crunch, how many of the singles did you slip to the First Lady? :em03:

  5. 5

    I said it was a classy place Rad, they would never let trash like the First Wookie in. And that thing you posted, it would take at least 5 of the women from last night to balance a teeter totter with her.

  6. 6

    LC R6 @ #:
    Oh man, I see where your head is Ranger, and I like it.

  7. 7

    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different, G.G.O.R. @ #:
    And I guess Bangie isn’t the only wife to go along. :em05:

  8. 8
    Eric Praline growls and barks:

    Radical Redneck @ #:
    Damn. Even Sir Mix-A-Lot says that’s too much ass.

  9. 9

    I foresee double dates in our future, Crunchie 😀

    *waits for the salacious comments to begin*

  10. 10
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Radical Redneck @ #:
    So not going near that link. :em06:

  11. 11
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    RR, you have reached the end of the internet…Reboot man! Before you fall into the Dummies Underground, or something.
    A different kind of ‘Splody Dope™, for sure!

  12. 12
    For God and Country growls and barks:

    At least he wasnt surrounded by angry Mexican men….

  13. 13
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    I have to say, though, that I’d rather have a Russian soldat in my lap (at least of the feminine variety) than across the field from me with a loaded AK-47 😉

  14. 14
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    If I didn’t know the name I would be certain this was brilliant irony. Sadly I must acknowledge that this person, and others like her, actually exist. I do somewhat quench my insatiable thirst with their shrieking, agonized tears!

    Dear Republicans,

    How proud you must be feeling today about your childish tweets to say good riddance to a great American who served his country with honor. The list of his accomplishments is long and impressive, but you wouldn’t know anything about long impressive lists of accomplishments….His love for country is evident in every move he made whether it be civil rights, voting rights, criminal justice….His passion, compassion, and courage is extraordinary…but what do you know about compassion and courage?….
    You have vilified this good man throughout the years, your relentless attacks, your attempts to smear his reputation, none of it put a blemish on his record. It will be Eric Holder and Barack Obama in the history books, side by side, as two of the great leaders, not YOU republicans, you repulsive, repugnant, irrelevant haters…..
    So carry on with your little tweets, your 10% brainwashed base thinks they are funny, the rest of us can’t wait to vote you out of existence.

    Fuck you and goodby,
    Sue Welch


  15. 15

    Emperor Misha I says:

    I have to say, though, that I’d rather have a Russian soldat in my lap (at least of the feminine variety) than across the field from me with a loaded AK-47

    Hmmm…. :em03: I may need to get back to you on that one.

  16. 16
    LCBrendan growls and barks:

    …i clicked the link..I clicked the link….WHY OH WHY did I do that….???? :em08: :em08: :em06:

  17. 17

    LCBrendan @ #:
    One word, stars with an M, ends with “asochism”. Or “oron”, yer choice. :em05:

  18. 18
    BC, Imperial Torturer growls and barks:

    ” alt=”Crunchie’s Lap Dance Doll” />

  19. 19
    Eric Praline growls and barks:

    BC, Imperial Torturer @ #:
    Looks like Hillary’s lost some weight.

  20. 20

    For God and Country says:

    At least he wasnt surrounded by angry Mexican men….

    And I didn’t die this time either. :em01:

  21. 21

    BC, Imperial Torturer @ #:
    I knew a post about a stripper would bring you and your “collection” out of the woodwork BC. :em05:

  22. 22
    BC, Imperial Torturer growls and barks:

    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. @ #:

    I figured I’d keep it “clean”, in case there were some n00bz hangin’ out in the bushes. :em05:

  23. 23

    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different, G.G.O.R. @ #:
    Well, I’ve heard that Dallas has some very classy gentleman’s clubs Aggie, so next Rottfest it’s a date. :em01:

  24. 24

    BC, Imperial Torturer @ #:
    They wouldn’t be n00bs for long BC! Yer “material” has a very steep learning curve, and a low survival rate, so…

  25. 25
    BC, Imperial Torturer growls and barks:

    In light of the numerous “revelations” by the odious, elitist fuckweasel, Herr Gruber, we’d like to remind our resident Liberidiot that we were right all along…

    ” alt=”We Were Right” />

    As an added bonus, we’ll throw in a pic of the stripper that Crunchie finally succumbed to and allowed to give him that lap dance….

    ” alt=”All Night Long” />

  26. 26

    Well, she’s a red headed stripper named Tiffany, but I think she blows the hot/crazy matrix off it’s foundations.

  27. 27
    LC Guy S growls and barks:

    Great!! Just Great!!! After seeing BC’s version of a mini “keystone pipeline” (the first pic at #25 above)…I can’t seem to get that old standard “Ebony and Ivory” outta my head now…..thanks a lot!!