I May Have to Start Watching My Back

Now, being ever mindful of the legacies of empires long gone, it is His Imperial Majesty’s policy to arm his heirs against just about anything that might come their way.

Weapons training, judging characters, trust, subterfuge, reading between the lines, sarcasm, devastating put-downs with a smile on your face, that sort of thing.

But we may have reached a point where the student is becoming the master in at least some respects.

We were discussing how to properly deal with the less threatening, but no less preposterous, variant of the kiddy-diddler, the exhibitionist. Generally, that particular genus is not dangerous, they’re just in dire need of being weeded out of the gene pool on a permanent basis, but bopping them off tends to lead to tedious interactions with the constabulary, taking time that would be better spent in other ways.

So we were passing on a lesson that we ourselves had learned when we were their age, which is to simply study the appendage of the exhibitionist and, without expressing any emotion other than curiosity, saying “oh dear. It looks like a penis, only smaller.”

Only we didn’t get past the bit where we said “so you look at the perv’s thingy as if you’re studying an interesting insect, and then you say…” at which point our youngest heir interrupted and said:

“Is that an innie?”

Seriously, we can’t beat that. Those guys are going to be scary. In a GOOD way.



  1. 1
    Special Ed growls and barks:

    I can only say “Well trained, Your Majesty, well trained.”

    Oh, and FOIST!!

  2. 2
    VAconservative growls and barks:

    Must have gotten that bit of wit from their mother’s side Misha.

  3. 3

    Agree with Special Ed! :em01:

  4. 4
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Note to Self:

    Don’t read about the Heirs while otherwise maintaining a low-profile on a conference call….

    – MD

  5. 5
    BC, Imperial Torturer growls and barks:

    :em05: Brilliant riposte!

    When they get a bit older, you can teach ’em to say: “You really should wash that little thing more often. I can still see your mother’s lipstick on it.”

  6. 6
    Greywolf125 growls and barks:

    Misha and others,
    Deace’s “Rules For Patriots” has crucial and pragmatic concepts and tactics for 2014.
    “Republicrat” updated and exemplified
    “Question the premise” – a key “how to”

  7. 7
    LibraryGryffon growls and barks:

    My sister got a heavy breather phone call once. She listened intently for few seconds and then started critiquing the caller’s technique as well as giving tips for how to be more menacing rather than simply silly. He/She/It hung up very quickly and never called back.

  8. 8
    irish19 growls and barks:

    You really need to give a spew alert before posting something like that. Someone could lose a keyboard that way.

  9. 9
    LC Moriarty, Imperial Goatherd growls and barks:

    :em05: :em05

    Well done, Majesty! We should expect no less from your wonderful sons!

    My own progeny, some time back, received the full measure of discussion about reproductive matters. (No, not “the birds and the bees”. He’s long past that. This was about spermatogenesis, ovulation, fertilization, implantation in the endometrium, menstruation, menopause, male hypogonadism and where moobs come from. He’s a doctor’s kid after all. )

    At the end of it all, he rose from his chair, heaved a deep sigh far more weary than his 11 years should allow and wandered off to his room muttering, “The more you learn, the more disturbing life becomes…”

  10. 10