Articles from July 2018



Well, We Can Certainly Help Facilitate That, Mullahtards

Much blustering and banging of chests from the general direction of third world shithole Tehran. As you all know, the Mad Mullahs, being more used to compliant, cowardly sniveling pussies as U.S. Presidents, threatened not-so-subtly with shutting down the Strait of Hormuz a bit ago. “Do not forget that we have maintained the security of

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Shortest Trade War in History

We’ve been busy for a couple of days again, but we couldn’t help but notice that the “Trade War That Will Destroy Us ALL!!™” barely had time to get started before it was called off with victory declared for our side (and theirs, when you think about it, which is exactly why they surrendered. They’re

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The Super Spy Who Got Around

Desperate Trump-haters, searching for something – anything! – to show that the Trump administration is in bed with Vladimir Putin seized on the news a week ago that a young Russian named Maria Butina had been indicted for violating the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA), or, in the words of the DOJ, for “conspiracy to

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This is Our Shocked Face

You’re not going to believe it, but the 12,733rd example of “Raycism, Raycism EVERYWHERE™” turned out to be, you know, a hoax. A waiter at a Texas steakhouse made up the viral story about a customer leaving him a racist note, his employer said Monday. The story gained national attention after Khalil Cavil, a 20-year-old

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Oh Sod off, You Bloody Wankers

The Imperial Firearms Advisor found this little nugget and mused that His Imperial Majesty might be, shall we say “enthused” about the contents (he didn’t quite put it in those diplomatic terms but, then again, he rarely ever does and we love him all the more for it). The article from which it comes is

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So, Erm, How Did You Get that Bottle?

The question that nobody seems to want to ask. Following the attempted [correction, we regret the mistake — Emp.M.] murder of Sergey Skripal with the nerve agent “novichok” which apparently, uniquely among chemical molecules, comes with a “Made in XXX” stamped on its atoms, two further victims have been found. One Dawn Sturgess, who died,

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Why So Hysterical?

In which His Imperial Majesty allows himself the luxury of engaging in wild speculation, so no need to point it out. We know. You surely know the old saying: “If you’re catching flak, you’re over the target”. So one thing that we’ve been scratching our head about for the past couple of days in the

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Dumber Still…

Yes, we know, we can’t hardly believe it ourselves either, but every time we think those Prozi fascists can’t get any dumber, they prove us wrong. Such as the communist “working girl from Yorktown Heights” bint, Alexandria Occasional-Cortex, who is, allegedly, a super bright bachelor in economics and everything Prozi New Hope: “Unemployment is low

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President Refuses to Take Dictation from Journalist, Media Screams “Treason!”

So this clown from the enemedia gets up in front of Presidents Trump and Putin after the two have concluded hours of what they both referred to as fruitful and successful talks, daring the former to call the latter a liar to his face based on no actual presented evidence, we’re still waiting for that,

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Dumbest Thing We’ve Seen All Day

Yes, we’re a bit buried here, but just to put something out there, there’s this, which we stole shamelessly from LC & IB Bill: We’re going to say something that we thought we’d never say: We can’t… EVEN! Where to even begin? At least we now have a better idea of what happened to all

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She doesnt get it and never will

Source A shocked Ms May responded: “We have come to an agreement at the proposal we’re putting to the European Union which absolutely delivers on the Brexit people voted for. They voted for us to take back control of our money, our law and our borders and that’s exactly what we will do.” But thats

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Yep, You Guessed it, A Day Later, We’re All Going to Die!™ Over Something ELSE!

This constant dying is getting rather tiresome, if you ask us. Particularly since we were told that if we died, we’d wake up in Heaven, and here we are, waking up in our own bed with bills still needing to be paid. Let’s just say this: Dying sure ain’t all that it’s been cracked up

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Well THAT Didn’t Take Long

Oh dear, we’re all going to die. Except we’re already dead, aren’t we? Not sure about you lot, but we think the withdrawal from the Paris Climate Accord already did us in. Or was it the tax cut that caused us to breathe our last? We’re so confused. We remember before the pick was announced,

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Whatever Will We Do Without Them?

Before we all get too excited about this whole #WalkAway fad that the kids are all talking about, we should take a few moments to realize that we aren’t immune to it ourselves. We mean, just within the last few weeks, we’ve learned that such conservative luminaries as George Will, Jennifer Rubin, Joe Scarborough and

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Civility is Not Overrated, But There is a Time and a Place For It

Now comes Matthew Cochran, explaining what we’ve been trying to say for decades, and doing a much better job of it than we ever have: The detail that conservatives tend to forget is that when one party violates a contract, the other party is no longer bound by all of its terms. If you sign

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