Articles from December 2011



2011…The Year When The Stupid Stupefied.

The Imperial Consigiliere sums up 2011 depressingly perfectly and resolves to not go quietly. We join him in that resolution. As we join in Jerry Philipson’s resolution to use every legal means available to us to stop president Downgrade McFoodstamp from being re-elected next year (h/t the Botnet), because if that happens, then the next

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Happy New Year and “You Like Us! You Really, Really Like Us!”

Because we just found out that we won the Debra Morgan Award™ for Best Use of Cursewords! Tied, to be sure, with the excellent Cold Fury and Doubleplusundead, but being tied with those two in that category is an honor in and of itself. So have a Happy New Year, LCs and GLORs, and may

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Ever Wondered?

What a can of whoop-ass looks like inside? Wonder no more:

Marines… Don’t Fuck With Them!

First off, we have no recollection where we got this from, it was just sitting in an open tab laughing at us. So if you’re the source, please step forward to take a bow. Short version: LTC Karl Trenker, USMC, goes off to carry out the sale of a gold chain his fiancee has put

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Is Iran Going to Close the Strait of Hormuz?

Bitch, PLEASE! Don’t throw us into that briar patch! First of all, the Iranian “Navy” couldn’t block a sink drain if it wanted to, mainly because it would cease to exist within the first 48 hours of getting the 5th Fleet’s undivided attention. Second of all, if there is one thing that could get the

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OMG! Perry Doesn’t Remember Every Single Supreme Court Ruling in History!

What a doofus he is! (h/t Ace). Just like the time he couldn’t remember, what’s her face again?, Supreme Court Justice… Wise Latina? Oh no, Sotomayor, I got it. CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa – Texas Gov. Rick Perry admitted Thursday that he didn’t know about the Supreme Court case Lawrence v. Texas, a case decided while

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10 Fun Facts You May Not Have Known About About Luap Nor

From Director Blue. All good, but I have to defend the Blame America First Nutjob who calls the traitor Bradley Manning a “true patriot” on one item on the list, but that’s just because I’m a fair Emperor, not because I have any sympathy for the slobbering, paranoid crank: In 2007, Ron Paul criticized Abraham

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Reichsführer Heinrich Holder Throws in Late Entry for “Chutzpah of 2011″ Award

And we have to admit he’s going to be hard to beat: The number of officers killed in the line of duty jumped 13 percent in 2011 compared with the year before — and U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder condemned the increase as “a devastating and unacceptable trend” that he blamed on illegal firearms. The

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Karma Is A Bitch, And We Love Her

Courtesy of LC readerjp, GLOR, we have this heartwarming story of an anti-Semite sow who got what was going around when it finally came around: An Atlanta-area woman who sent a threatening package with an anti-Semitic note to a U.S. congressman was killed after attacking a police officer. Jameela Barnette, 53, attacked a police officer

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NSDWP Gearing Up For Operation Rig The Vote, 2012 Edition

Fighting courageously for every fictional American’s right to vote as many times as possible (as long as they vote NSDWP, that is). The Obama administration entered the fierce national debate over voting rights, rejecting South Carolina’s new law requiring photo identification at the polls and saying it discriminated against minority voters. Friday’s decision by the

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Not All Muslims Massacre Own Family, Commit Suicide Over “Christmas Blues”

We have a feeling that this isn’t going to make it into an episode on the new show, “All-American Muslim.” “Neighbors horrified at news of family’s slayings in Grapevine.” Citing public records and interviews with friends and neighbors, media reports identified Aziz Yazdanpanah and others who had died: his estranged 55-year-old wife, Fatemeh Rahmati, their

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“Mostly Peaceful” Occutards Beat, Choke Man to Death

Presumably in a mostly peaceful manner, bringing the number of mostly peacefully killed as a result of Ogabe’s favorite “grassroots” movement to 9. JUST LIKE THE TEA PARTY! Occupy Eugene leader Kristen Carpenter told KVAL-TV, “We’re sorry we couldn’t have stopped the violence in the system sooner.” But then nobody would have been able to

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Why Romney in ’12 is Just Like Handing Ogabe Four More Years

Needless to say, we’ll still vote for him, but that’s just because we at least reserve the right to refuse pulling the trigger of the gun pointed at our head. But it won’t matter whether we do or not, as John Hawkins so perfectly points out in “7 Reasons Why Mitt Romney’s Electability Is A

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‘Tis the Season

…to dust off the entire Imperial Palace, it would seem, as our eyes were watering something fierce after watching this: Merry Christmas, y’all, and a very special greeting to all of those of you who are spending this season abroad so that we may sleep in peace. Thatisall.

Merry Christmas Rotties!

We were out of pork rinds, so the fat man gets cookies this year. In all seriousness, Merry Christmas to all of you wondrous people I have the honor of calling my family and friends. Tonight at Mass I asked my Princesses what Christmas was really all about. They said “It’s about the birth of

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