Posts belonging to Category Russia'

Breaking: Russian Super Spy Assassin GRU Sekrit Poison Murderers Contact Media

As professional hitmen from shadowy government murder agencies so often do. You can watch the whole thing here. Turns out that the two specially trained Spetznaz-level super murderers are a pair of fitness instructors who went to the media voluntarily because they’re scared. You know, as professional secret intelligence hitmen often are. According to them,

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Skripaling Into World War III

(A post which will undoubtedly reveal His Imperial Majesty as a RUSSIAN BOT!!!1!. Or somebody smarter than a potted plant). The increasingly ludicrous three-ringed circus that is the Skripal case and the ever more hysterical, unhinged, unsubstantiated claims from Theresa “I was for Brexit before I was against it” May and the incompetent Coterie of

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Yep, Let’s Have a War

It seems to be the rallying cry behind everything that Congress says or does these days. Russian prime minister Dmitry Medvedev warned the US today that the applications of sanctions by Congress and Donald Trump would amount to an act of “economic war.” If that’s the case, how does Russia define its chemical-weapons assassination attempts

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Breaking News: Russian Bots™ Land in Ohio, Establish Foothold, Cleverly Disguise Themselves as “Green Party”

Confusion reigned as hordes of “voters” wearing “Green Party” lapel pins stormed voting booths, stealing votes that the Prozi People’s Party desperately needed in the OH-12 special election. Expert intelligence analyst Alyssa Milano, however, was not fooled by their laughable disguises, noticing immediately their suspicious accents as well as the trail of empty vodka bottles,

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So, Erm, How Did You Get that Bottle?

The question that nobody seems to want to ask. Following the attempted [correction, we regret the mistake — Emp.M.] murder of Sergey Skripal with the nerve agent “novichok” which apparently, uniquely among chemical molecules, comes with a “Made in XXX” stamped on its atoms, two further victims have been found. One Dawn Sturgess, who died,

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President Refuses to Take Dictation from Journalist, Media Screams “Treason!”

So this clown from the enemedia gets up in front of Presidents Trump and Putin after the two have concluded hours of what they both referred to as fruitful and successful talks, daring the former to call the latter a liar to his face based on no actual presented evidence, we’re still waiting for that,

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Yep, You Guessed it, A Day Later, We’re All Going to Die!™ Over Something ELSE!

This constant dying is getting rather tiresome, if you ask us. Particularly since we were told that if we died, we’d wake up in Heaven, and here we are, waking up in our own bed with bills still needing to be paid. Let’s just say this: Dying sure ain’t all that it’s been cracked up

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Everything Going As Expected…

Problem is, we don’t much like where it’s going. We seem to have seen it before. But first, a bit of fun: Mr Putin laughed off the US sanctions that targeted his inner circle, promising the Russian government would “have the back” of those on the list, and even opening a personal account at a

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