Slow News Days

But we hear that the next few days could get interesting, as the Supreme Court may or may not finally get around to rule on OgabeCare. Also, in other news that give us hope, E3 is finally over. To those of you who don’t know what E3 is, and let us tell you that we

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Categories: Imperial Thoughts, Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  19 Comments »

Confessions of a Neo-Luddite

Well, it had to happen, and if it weren’t because we’re the Ruler of All of the Universe (and Outlying Counties) and, as such, can do whatever we please, we’d be hanging our head in shame. You know how we feel about Twitter (operative word “Twit”), and that hasn’t changed. However, we could not deny

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  9 Comments »

Is It Safe To Come Out Yet?

A somewhat belated SITREP from the Imperial AO (note to self: Remember to stock can of WD-40 in storm shelter as hinges tend to rust.) I keed, I keed. We’re all safe and sound. No damage to life, limb or property. Which, we’re sad to say, is not the case for everybody across the Metroplex.

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Categories: Life in the Empire, Public Announcements  |  Tags:  |  25 Comments »

That’s What Happens When You Allow Yourself to Think that Things are Looking Up

Here we were, thinking everything was well, and then the chest pains came back. Back to the ER, third time this go around (we ought to get a plaque or a frequent flier rebate. The latter would be particularly great). They did the whole nine yards. Enzymes, EKG, X-ray and CT angio and, thank G-d,

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  35 Comments »

Prayers, please.

LCs, the report has come in that the Empress Sophie is in the hospital with pulmonary embolisms in both lungs. Drop what you’re doing, and pray. We are over here at Chez Venomous.

Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  75 Comments »

Gabby Giffords to Resign

Sad news. Not all sad news, let’s not forget the Good News™ that she survived the cowardly assassination attempt and that her recovery has been, and continues to be, quite marvelous. Also, respect is due for a politician who puts her ability to properly represent her constituents above her personal desire for office. The sad

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Categories: Imperial Thoughts, Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  5 Comments »

Cop Magnet

To say that we’re not used to being the subject of traffic stops would be a gross understatement. Most of the time we’re getting a sore wrist from returning courtesy waves instead (left hand on top of wheel, flip wrist up to present palm, go about your business, you know the drill), but that all

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  24 Comments »

Jingle Bells, 1911-Style

Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags: Gun Pr0n!  |  13 Comments »

Did You Feel the Earth Move, Honey?

At least it wasn’t us seeing things or, more accurately, feeling them last night when the house seemed to tremble and shit started wobbling in front of our eyes. All we can say is that this earthquake nonsense is for the birds, even if it was the gentlest of tremors. We prefer our Terra much

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  16 Comments »

Game 7 Open Thread

Late, we know, but better nate than lever. Just one thought: Would this game be even more exciting if the Cardinals didn’t have the advantage of a tenth player behind home plate wearing a black jacket? We mean, first he hands out two free runs to the Cards by calling an obvious strike a “ball”

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  34 Comments »

Worst. Coach. Ever.

The only thing His Imperial Majesty has to say after a string of utterly retarded substitutions and decisions in Game 6 is that if Ron Washington isn’t named MVP of the St. Louis Cardinals, then there is no justice in this world. P.S.: I should add, though, before I sound like a whiny beeotch trying

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  20 Comments »

Rangers Respond to Imperial Persuasion

We shan’t go too much into detail in order to not compromise ongoing ops (and, we have to admit, also out of consideration for the tender sensibilities of the good citizens of the Empire), but it would appear that the little heart to heart His Imperial Majesty’s Siths had in the Rangers’ locker room after

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  10 Comments »

In Other Completely Unrelated News…

How ’bout them Rangers? Seriously, His Imperial Majesty was all settled in to accept yet another defeat in the World Series, the only thing keeping him awake was his team’s reputation for pulling off amazing upsets at the last minute (along with an amazing reputation for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, but we

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  18 Comments »

Greater Love Hath No Man…

When it comes to abortion those of us siding with life are always accused of preferring to murder the mother, regardless of the simple fact that the vast number of abortions aren’t performed to save anything but the convenience of the mother. If you truly are in a position where you can either save the

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  10 Comments »

Keep the Change

Thanks to a tip from LC Caveman, we found this video of Hank Williams Jr.’s latest hit. It has certainly become an instant hit with His Imperial Majesty. UPDATE: The Imperial News Agency (So Fake You Have to Believe Them™) reports through as of now unconfirmed sources that the controversy caused by Hank Williams Jr.’s

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Categories: Life in the Empire  |  Tags:  |  10 Comments »