Great Moments in Imbecilic Pisslamic Delusions

You know, we’re not sure what’s going on here. Perhaps the goat-raping followers of the pedo-prophet are trying to disable us with hysterical laughter, or maybe they really are this stupid.

Behold, courtesy of Al-Jizzmeera, the testimony of Walid the Moron Mooselimb Terrorist, and his horrific tribulations at what liberals call a Nazi concentration camp and the sane among us just call “Gitmo” (and no, we’re not making any of this up):

Walid Muhammad Hajj: There were, of course, Jews among the [staff of] the Guantanamo Base, and they would set traps for the guys.

Interviewer: Give me an example of witchcraft.

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Witchcraft was used on most of the guys.

“You do, something to me, something that simply mystifies me…”

We didn’t know that Christine O’Donnell used to work at Gitmo.

Interviewer: They would cast a spell on them?

“I put a spell on you… NOOOOOOOOW you’re miiiiiiine!”

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes, but by the grace of Allah, through frequent reading of the Koran and invocation of the names of Allah, they managed to withstand this.

You could have also tried basic sanity, but we understand that that’s not real popular in the pisslamic parts of the world.

Interviewer: How did you know that somebody was under a spell?

They started weighing the same as a duck?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Someone like that would change.

“She turned me into a newt!”

Interviewer: In what way?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: For example, somebody would take his clothes off, all of a sudden, or would sit on his bed for three days straight without sleeping. [...] They would use all kinds of witchcraft against the guys.

No newts, though?

Interviewer: Tell me more.

You do know that you’re not supposed to encourage the insane in their delusions, don’t you? Nevermind. Go right ahead. It’s quite amusing.

Walid Muhammad Hajj: I will tell you how the witchcraft affected the guys. A person would suddenly see his brothers and sisters naked before him.

Considering the mooselimb propensity to try to fuck anything with a pulse and their, shall we say, “alternative family values”, we think we can write that one down to “masturbatory fantasies.”

Interviewer: And they weren’t really there?

Of course they weren’t. Walid would have fucked them too if they had been.

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Absolutely not. It was as if he was in a different world.

The one where mo-ham-head was really a prophet rather than just a violent child rapist and where “Islam is a religion of peace?”

Interviewer: You mean, his brothers and sisters from back home.

No, you doofus, his brothers and sisters from Mars! Keee-rist, it seems that journalistic jack-headedness really is universal.

Walid Muhammad Hajj: That’s right. I remembered an incident with a guy who sat next to me in the morning. When they brought the milk, he began to urinate into the milk.

Poor guy was homesick. “A taste of home.”

Interviewer: In front of you?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes. I said to him: “Why are you urinating in the milk?” That’s when we knew that he was under a spell.

Plus, he was beginning to look like a newt. Or was it Walid’s naked sister?

After he had recovered a little, after we read Koranic verses to him, he said to me: “The birds on the barbed wire would talk to me, and tell me to urinate in the milk. When the guards pass by my cell, the sound made by their pants talks to me.”

The sisterhood of the traveling, talking pants!

And now it gets truly fucking hilarious:

Interviewer: Did they ever use witchcraft on you?

Walid Muhammad Hajj
: There was one attempt.

Interviewer: How did they do it?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Once, when I was sleeping – on the floor, not on a bed – I suddenly felt that a cat was trying to penetrate me. It tried to penetrate me again and again. I recited the kursi verse again and again until the cat left.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Poor Walid got raped by a kitty!

Really. Is there any way at all that those medieval savages can get more fucking ridiculous? Big, scary Walid the Haji got raped by a cute, fluffy little kitteh.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!

Yeah. And if you don’t start behaving, we’re going to unleash… THE HAMSTERS!!!

19 comments

  1. 1
    Mike M bloviates:

    It sounds like Walid encountered one cranky kitty. I wonder… he never did say exactly whose milk it was that the guy pissed in, did he?

  2. 2
    americanexpat bloviates:

    The sad part is that stupid fucks like Walid’s buddies all over the world are going to believe this crock of bullshit, and not find anything funny about it. Yes, they really are that credulous and idiotic, especially where Joooooos are concerned. You can’t fix stupid, but a .40 cal. 230-gr. SJHP comes close.

  3. 3
    LC PrimEviL bloviates:

    Boy, couldn’t Jeff Dunham and Ahcmed make a screamer of a routine
    out of this. The jokes practically write themselves.

  4. 4
    Light29ID bloviates:

    I suddenly felt that a cat was trying to penetrate me. It tried to penetrate me again and again.

    That’s some really mean, desperate pussy right there…or did Princess Natasha send her kitty’s down there as enhanced interrogators?

  5. 5
    Cheryl bloviates:

    I suddenly felt that a cat was trying to penetrate me. It tried to penetrate me again and again.

    Memo to Accccchhhhhmed: Keep the damn catnip outta yer ass. it doesn’t work on troglodytes or quasi-humans the same way as on pussies. That shoulda been Item 1 in the Official Gitmo Welcome Book.

    That’s right. I remembered an incident with a guy who sat next to me in the morning. When they brought the milk, he began to urinate into the milk.

    They aren’t called “pisslamists” for nothing. Obviously that’s to complement the pastries and pies made from feces that the devoted are so fond of baking.

  6. 6
    MasterGuns Imperial Swampmaster bloviates:

    I wonder how much the Rottie Exorcist Consortium could make…….

    I’d call them morons but I don’t want to insult any libera…….er……erm……..other morons.

    Semper Fi

  7. 7
    Lady H bloviates:

    Truth is funnier than Fiction!

    You cannot make this up! :em99:

    Lord, they need prayers.

  8. 8
    Skul bloviates:

    The Juice are up to their old tricks again. :em99:

  9. 9
    Grammar Czar bloviates:

    Too bad Tevye didn’t know about the Jooooos and their witchcraft, or he COULD have been a rich man…

  10. 10
  11. 11
    Light29ID bloviates:

    LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech said the following:

    Puuuussy Whiiiiiipped agaaaaain,,,

    Benn there, done that :em03:

  12. 12
    Light29ID bloviates:

    Ah Hell, since BC and Cheapshot have gone done the DAC road to Hedonism here’s a couple more…

    Don’t Bite the Dick

    Finger Fuckin Sally

  13. 13
    LC Old Dog bloviates:

    americanexpat said the following:

    The sad part is that stupid fucks like Walid’s buddies all over the world are going to believe this crock of bullshit, and not find anything funny about it. Yes, they really are that credulous and idiotic, especially where Joooooos are concerned. You can’t fix stupid, but a .40 cal. 230-gr. SJHP comes close.

    I knda agree with you on that, I just prefer to launch mine from either a .45 ACP or a 10MM.

  14. 14
    LC PrimEviL bloviates:

    .35 Whelen gives a wee bit more *poke* to the 200gr+ class. :em93:

  15. 15

    This is proof of a survival mechanism kicking in.

    When you have THAT level of frakkin’ STOOPID kicking in, it results in increased death rates, which is counteracted by their propensity to screw a snake if it had ears …

  16. 16
    0352crumb crunch bloviates:

    :em99: :em95: :em01: :em95: :em99: CAT RAPE!!! :em99: :em95: :em01: It’s like something from a Harold and Kumar movie. :em95: :em01: :em99:

    LC Old Dog said the following:

    .40 cal. 230-gr.

    LC Old Dog said the following:

    just prefer to launch mine from either a .45 ACP or a 10MM.

    Your thinking small time gents. A .50 BMG or a 40MM HEDP are the only rounds in my experience that allah’s firecrakers are REALLY AFRAID of.

  17. 17
    Cheryl bloviates:

    Your thinking small time gents. A .50 BMG or a 40MM HEDP are the only rounds in my experience that allah’s firecrakers are REALLY AFRAID of.

    But, Gentlemen, wouldn’t taking out the nest be oh so much more effective? Allah’s sandfleas for global jihad would not be able to go home again. No home to go to. But that would require an actual AMERICAN Commander in Chief – testicles included.

  18. 18
    americanexpat bloviates:

    Response to 0352crumb crunch @:

    Your thinking small time gents. A .50 BMG or a 40MM HEDP are the only rounds in my experience that allah’s firecrakers are REALLY AFRAID of.

    Ah, Ma Deuce, my favorite “squeeze” from my time in the Army. Mostly fired it from the TC’s position of an M113, back in that pre-Bradley era. Not a lot of room in my life for her these days, unfortunately, but I would not mind reacquainting myself with her if the opportunity arose. I was also a good shot with the M203, but as an officer, it was never mine to carry. M16A1 and M1911A1 were deemed sufficient.

    just prefer to launch mine from either a .45 ACP or a 10MM.

    No disagreement from me. You hit someone with a .45, he stays hit. Not always the case with a 9mm.

  19. 19
    LC Old Dog bloviates:

    Response to americanexpat @:
    My Plt Leader was once asked, “Why is your PSG carrying an M-203?” To which my 2LT wisely replied, “Because he gets to assign the weapons!”

    I gave that 2LT a 203!

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