Never Underestimate the Rangers’ Ability to Fuck Up Beyond Belief
All you need to do to change a 9-1 game into a 9-7 one in one short bottom of the eighth is to let whoever the fuck the retarded submoron is who makes these calls send in a butter-fingered Little League pitcher like Matt Harrison to give up 5 runs in a row.
After helpfully loading up the bases for Gabe Gross leading to the first two runs, he then proceeded to serve up a 3-run homer Steven Tolleson who, up until then, hadn’t been able to hit himself in the arse.
Way to go, Matt, you incompetent sack of scrotal dandruff, and may your next pitching job be for the Kandahar Dung Beetles.
Incompetent fuckhead.
Thatisall.
UPDATE: Fortunately, not even the incompetency of the bullpen seems to be enough to fuck up the game, as the Rangers are now back up to 13-7 with nobody out. But we’re sure that Washington will make sure to screw that up too in the bottom of the ninth by sending in his 6-year-old paraplegic niece to close.
UPDATED UPDATE: Washington now getting desperate; on phone to the White House asking if Obongo can put on his mom jeans and come down and lose this one for him on the mound, as Moreland just belted out a three-run homer to make it 16-7, making Washington’s hopes for throwing away yet another impossible-to-lose game slimmer yet. [Developing...]
FINAL UPDATE: Rapada wasn’t giving up runs quickly enough, so he was replaced with Ogando, who only managed to give up one run before accidentally winning the game. He will probably be traded in the off-season for failure to fail epically enough.
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34 Comments »
Quit whining. If you want to see incompetence, watch a few Cardinals games.
sleeper said the following:
I like watching the Cardinals after another trademark Rangers Epic Fail. It’s cheaper than Prozac.
I still haven’t figured out what’s wrong with the Rangers. By this time of year, they should be 14 games back and fading fast.
could be worse…..
you could be watching the Mariners.
typical game goes something like this:
Inning 1:
Ichiro slap single, 1….2…..3 outs
Innings 2-9:
cut and paste the 1….2….3 outs, unless it’s the top of the order then Ichiro slap singles again and gets stranded there for 3 outs.
Misha’s a sportswriter! (Insert shouting clam with legs from “BC” here)
After the Cardinals game you could flip over and watch the Diamondbacks cough**Bullpen***cough!
That much pure comedy should calm you down!
The Fucking Keystone Kops would be an improvement!
Ditto what OD said
PuLeease! You want to watch incompetence, Chicaguh Cubs are your team. They couldn’t beat a girl’s softball team if a box of girl scout cookies were on the line, but take them out of the playoff picture and they look like the friggin Yankee Dynasty.
Chicago Cubs. Phht. the only way they can score is by stacking the vote. They still vote on whether or not it counts as a score, right?
The stRangerS? They’re still playing?
Misha:
Get over it.
Signed, Cleveland.
Misha, I’m a Pirates fan…… I can’t feel your pain.
When I first read the title, I thought that it was something about the US Army Rangers, and was immediately concerned about the site getting hacked…again.
You want to talk about disappointment, at least the Rangers, the Cubs, the Pirates, the Mariners, the Indians, etc. aren’t saddled with this milestone:
Phillies make history by suffering 10,000th setback
Then again, the Phillies are looking to rack up another NL East title and home field advantage throuhout the playoffs tonight …..
Sire, you should apply for a job at ESPN!!!
Being a Yankees fan, I have absolutely no idea what it means to lose consistently and be in the cellar like the Rangers, Indians, Mariners and Cubs.
Here’s hoping I never do.
Response to Hizzoner L.C. Mope, Imperial Election Judge @:
Game, set, match. I stand corrected.
Not to rub salt into the wound, Sleeper, but the Cubs have sucked for over a hunnert years. They suck so bad the politicians claim to be Stinking White Sox fans. Even Obama doesn’t have the testicular fortitude to claim them ’cause they suck so bad. He claims the White Sucks. The only thing white he likes. Hillary claimed to be a Stinking Sox fan before she was a Yankee fan.
If you go look at the attendance, you will see that the White Sox have a park that seats 75,000, yet they average 27,000 per game- 10,000 less than hapless Cubs. So what could be the causation of such a discrepancy? As with any parcel, it’s location, location, location. When talking to a stinking Sox fan they can recite the stats of the most obscure idiot on the team, all the while referring to the friggin 2005 season. While on the North Side, Wrigley is the World’s Largest bar- where on some days a baseball game breaks out. Where the broads are hawt and don’t chew the gum from their baseball card packs.
The Cubs are like the friggin Harlem Globetrotters of baseball, only different.
Thankfully, I ceased with the “Wait until next year” bullshit. I’m thinking toward 2012- when the friggin Mayan calender ends. That’s gotta be the year.
Response to LC LucysDaddy @:
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
And may this ear worm infect you until next year.
What is this baseball you all whine about? It is football season – there is nothing else.
The Rangers??? Who cares
My Vikings won and Kurt Busch is fourth in the Sprint Cup standings
Life ain’t good but it’s get’in better
Snore….
Baseball, schmaseball.
It’s HOCKEY season, dammit!
(sigh….)
Is it hockey season yet?
Response to Princess Natasha, Resident Token Anarchist @:
Soon it will be Nat. I have tickets to see my Pens open their new stadium on Oct 7th. Can’t wait, it’ll be a fun birthday!
Princess Natasha, Resident Token Anarchist said the following:
All year long, thanks to the NHL channel
Response to Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan @:
One of the guys at work has a big “Go Pens” sign in his office. I threatened to come in and add an “I”
We went to a Hockey game thursday. Would have gone saturday also but was at the D-Backs game.
Odahi said the following:
Pensi? I don’t get it.
It’s Penis. She’s a player on the Cubs.
Well, the Phillies clinched the NL East tonight, so I’m happy.
The Giants are 1 game ahead of the Padres in the NL West, and I couldn’t be happier. NorCal needs a decent team in at least 1 sport.
The only sport I can think of that is more boring than baseball is cricket. You are not going to start writing about cricket too, are you, yer vileness?
LC Ogrrre said the following:
First: Do not criticize baseball or you will lose your head
Second: Cricket??? I attempted to watch a game once because one of my mates played on one of the teams. No amount of amphetamines could keep me awake, though, so he had to wake me up when it was done. I can’t imagine writing about that “sport” since I’d be asleep after the first two paragraphs.
LC LucysDaddy said the following:
Thank you. I would love to, but nobody wants to hire me as a reviewer/commenter/whatnot, probably because I don’t like to be kind.
I’d love to be a book/film reviewer, for instance, I read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies, after all, but apparently it’s not going to happen if you’re actually honest about what you’re reviewing.
Bowling, Soccer, Gymastics, Sailing, Figure Skating, Archery, Surfing.
I do have more, but you get my point.
lc purple raider said the following:
Thems fighting words pal..
Besides..bowling is just something to do between drinks
I’m on a drinking team that has a bowling problem