All you need to do to change a 9-1 game into a 9-7 one in one short bottom of the eighth is to let whoever the fuck the retarded submoron is who makes these calls send in a butter-fingered Little League pitcher like Matt Harrison to give up 5 runs in a row.
After helpfully loading up the bases for Gabe Gross leading to the first two runs, he then proceeded to serve up a 3-run homer Steven Tolleson who, up until then, hadn’t been able to hit himself in the arse.
Way to go, Matt, you incompetent sack of scrotal dandruff, and may your next pitching job be for the Kandahar Dung Beetles.
UPDATE: Fortunately, not even the incompetency of the bullpen seems to be enough to fuck up the game, as the Rangers are now back up to 13-7 with nobody out. But we’re sure that Washington will make sure to screw that up too in the bottom of the ninth by sending in his 6-year-old paraplegic niece to close.
UPDATED UPDATE: Washington now getting desperate; on phone to the White House asking if Obongo can put on his mom jeans and come down and lose this one for him on the mound, as Moreland just belted out a three-run homer to make it 16-7, making Washington’s hopes for throwing away yet another impossible-to-lose game slimmer yet. [Developing...]
FINAL UPDATE: Rapada wasn’t giving up runs quickly enough, so he was replaced with Ogando, who only managed to give up one run before accidentally winning the game. He will probably be traded in the off-season for failure to fail epically enough.