- Movies where some high-ranking military officer is involved in some rogue operation or shh-big-secret coverup, and some intrepid reporter or whomever blows the lid off it.

Ever read Footfall, by Niven & Pournell? In the latter half of that book, the “Intrepid Reporter” discovers what they’re doing in the big secret operation (to try to defeat the aliens), but when he stops at the compound of a Survivalist friend, the guy staying there who is a former Environmentalist Wacko drowns the reporter in the toilet, then buries him in the compost heap out back, so he doesn’t get a chance to blow the operation’s cover.

I’d like to see them turn that into a TV mini-series, as long as they don’t turn it around to be another “Humans Evil” plot.

And some of my own…

E-Z Languages
The ability of movie characters – esp Designated Heroes – to attain fluency in foreign languages with preternatural ease. I saw this last week while watching some lame WW2 movie (the name escapes me) where one OSS-type guy told the other he had “picked up German by traveling in Europe before the war.”

Excuse me? Unless he intends to ask the Gestapo where the bathroom is or order lunch from a Wehrmacht cafeteria, he and his team are in deep Scheisse. Anyone who has ever studied a language knows how hard it is – kids have it somewhat easier, but it’s still a major undertaking.

Consider the level of fluency OSS-types and spies would need, including regionally-appropriate accents and comfort with slang as well as formal grammar and vocabulary. Not the sort of thing one is likely to ‘pick up’ even if one has a knack for languages – which some people do. Yet we see/hear this all the time!

Sword-Slamming
The movie convention – nearly universal, alas – of having two characters with swords ‘fight’ by repeatedly slamming their blades against each other at shoulder-height. Even though this treatment would blunt, bend or even snap all but the finest blades, nobody’s sword ever seems the worse for wear.

Tactical Morons
This covers guys who kick open doors and then stand framed in the doorway, with the light silhouetting them from behind. Or people fighting someone with a bat, chain or some such who never think to close with their foe, thus getting inside the arc of the weapon and rendering it far less dangerous…

Now, I don’t expect every character in the movies to be a hand-to-hand combat expert, but why must so many of them – movie cops, for example – disregard the most basic tactics that are part of their training and street survival?

(Senti)Mental Illness
Often seen in ‘dramadies’ (drama/comedies), this involves people who are retarded, bipolar, autistic or whatever but behave in such a way that the audience can say, “Aww, isn’t that cute! They’re people too; they just don’t behave the way that us normal people do! They’re merely misunderstood.”

Such people are often shown to be more ‘pure’ or insightful than the more functional people around them. There is also the companion cliche of serious mental illness as a signifier of an artistic or ’sensitive’ soul.

Magic Vests
This is body armor – often worn by Designated Hero detectives and the like – which, somehow, negates all kinetic force carried by any projectiles. I have seen this more times than I can remember; some hood will pull out a MAC-10 or shotgun and blast our hero point-blank in the chest, shredding his clothes and knocking him back several feet. Of course, our hero is a-ok and promptly pops right back up to give the villain what-for.

As all Rotties know, body armor doesn’t work like that. Body armor prevents penetration, but that’s it. All that kinetic force has to go somewhere – and that somewhere is the person getting shot.

Speaking of reality-free violence, there’s the No-Effects Fight. We’ve all seen this. Two characters beat on each other for five minutes straight of screen time, landing full-on blows to the face and vital torso areas that would hospitalize even trained boxers.

The next scene… there’s hardly a mark on them. Nobody lost any teeth. Nobody’s eyes are swollen shut. No broken noses. No limping. Nada.

Enjoy…

http://www.jabootu.com/glossary.htm

LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. sez:

(BTW Mrs. M, where did you stash the hydrogen peroxide and trauma dressings?)

Back of the Imperial Broom Closet™, on top of the liqueur supply cabinet, upper shelf, in the box marked Hydrogen Peroxide and Trauma Dressings ya noob.

Fair Maiden sez:

Thank you for the privilege of allowing me into the Imperial realm of intellectual free speech and open ideas.

More an Imperial house of ill repute…

(ducks)

President Jimmy Carter Apologizes to Jews

Carter Says Sorry to Jews, Apology Not Linked to Grandson’s Political Ambitions

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHHAHAHAHAHA

Yes, you shameless brutes….instead of welcoming the Fair Maiden…….……..well, she won’t be bored here.

Welcome Fair Maiden indeed. And do forgive us our lack of manners in missing your initial post. Mrs.M’s vengeance aprobation was quite appropriate. (BTW Mrs. M, where did you stash the hydrogen peroxide and trauma dressings?)

@ Fair Maiden:

welcome to Fortress Rottie ……..

stick around here long enough and I guarantee that you’ll be a’changing that name of yours…….

Fair Maiden @ #74:
Oh, goody, fresh meat *bong!!* Ow!! Dammit, Mrs.M put that skillet down. You could hurt
a body with that thing. (good thing she hit me on the head, or she might have hurt me)

*ahem* (Mrs. M glowers, tapping foot)
(DOG wags tail, winks)
Welcome Fair Maiden, I see you have been properly fore-warned. Don’t be too
concerned about the BC/RR links, horror is just emotional weakness leaving your brain.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!! (dives under desk)