...2009 Archives...

House of Erastosthenes has compiled a good list, and we only have a few additions:

1) Pointless sex scenes. Really, we know that there are thousands of sex-deprived teenagers jacking off to those 10 minute interludes that don’t add anything whatsoever to the plot, but the rest of us would very much like to not have to watch two people humping when we could have something advancing the actual story. We’re quite familiar with sex, so if you must inform us that two characters in the plot have become romantically involved, just show us a clip of them entering a room and beginning to take their clothes off. Cut.

We know what happens next unless we’re from Mars, and we really don’t care to waste 10% of what we paid for a ticket to watch something that all of us have done for real about sixteen hundred times with all of the naughty bits cut out to save your PG rating.

Those who need more have this new invention called the Internet to release their, erm, pressure and, quite frankly, Angelina Jolie’s boobs don’t look any different from the boobs we’ve fondled in our life.

2) The idiotic stereotypes of Christians as mindless drones who just want to kill everybody who doesn’t look like them. Let’s face it, Hollyweird morons, if we really were that nutty, you’d have been dead for at least three decades. There are a lot of us and no, we’re not insane murderous psychopaths. If we were, you wouldn’t be around to tell lies about us. You want to be brave and edgy? Make a movie where the words “terrorist” and “muslim” appear in the same line of dialogue. Of course you won’t. Those people might actually hurt you.

Just a couple of suggestions.

The rest of you please add your favorite movie tropes in the comments.

Thatisall.

85 Responses to “Things We Don’t Want To See In A Movie… EVER AGAIN!”

  1. 51
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    Any Spike Lee “joynt”.

  2. 52
    LC LucysDaddy says:
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    Here are some more:

    11. When Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan/Chuck Norris, etc. fight 150 armed and crazy-ass ninjas bare-handed…and win convincingly.

    12. After said fight, none of the ninjas EVER shows back up for a little retribution and payback.

    13. During the aforementioned fight, Bruce/Jackie/Chuck can be hit repeatedly by fists and feet and never fall or give up, but one single blow to the ninja and he is done.

    14. The gruff, arch-conservative mean-as-hell old man who softens when he is befriended by the minority du jour. Same as Crunch…lookin’ at you, Clint.

    15. When the men in the military are treated like dunces until the charming “female character” shows up to show them how to act like “real men.” This generally includes actions like getting makeovers, going shopping for shoes and getting raped by bikers in a dark alley. :em01:

    16. ANY movie with Kathy Bates, Kate Hudson, Sarah Jessica Parker or directed by Penny Marshall. It still cracks me up that Sam Kinison told the story about snorting an “L” off of her tit at a party in L.A. one time.

  3. 53
    LC Old Dog says:
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    @ LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H.:
    I may have to give you a break crunchie! I was listening to Gunnery Sergeant Dye on a place called Shemya in 1972.

    He was the LA anchor for the AFRTS Radio Sunday Football feeds. Either the sucker knows his football or did some serious research.

    I ran into him in the early to mid 80’s in Central America when I was stationed in Panama.

    Shit, he would give you 50. I am an easy ass Army puke remember!

  4. 54
    LC NCLivingBrit says:
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    I am sick of:

    Any movie where someone hides from automatic weapons fire behind a car door that is mysteriously made of collapsed and densified Unobtainium, not thin, lowest bidder sheet metal/fibre-glass and Chinese plastic. My friggin’ .22 will Swiss Cheese the average POS these days, let alone a bloody M60.

    Any movie where someone opens their personal weapons/gear cache to the protagonist and is then shown as a psycho gun-nut/survivalist/paranoid/criminal (which is why when Mr Squarejaw McShitbrains turns up at my place, he’s getting a Raven .25, a box of .22 shorts, the finger and I’m calling the cops about a man with a gun on my porch).

    Any movie where the only person (the lone “nut” usually) to prepare for the disaster dies horribly like an idiot while the clueless fucking sheeple prosper and survive (usually with the tools looted from Mr Lone Nut’s still warm corpse).

    Any communication device that fails JUST when they need it most, prompting a dash to set off flares/smoke signals/wave their underwear on a stick.

    Any movie where the only person who can help is in jail/retarded/a misanthrope/the enemy but somehow always manages to come round and deliver the goods due to the interference of shrill scrawny love interest girl/boy.

    Any movie that tries to prove that without guns, secret conspiracies and eeeeeeevul corporations we would all love one another unconditionally. I for one can barely stand not setting 90% of the people I meet everyday on fire. This has nothing to do with The Bildenberg Group, Blackwater, Smith and Wesson, The Illuminati, the Rand Corporation or Mikhail Kalashnikov. It is mostly due to them being a waste of my fucking oxygen.

    Any movie where the lovable (judgemental douchebag hipster) City Folk not only integrate with, but one-up the Dumb Country Folk. I live on the Urban-Death-Maze/Real World interface and most of the Urbscum can barely survive outside their fucking minivans for ten minutes without being eaten alive by grasshoppers, murderous deer and those deadly, deadly trees. Or killed by the sun.

    Any movie where the image of sexy manhood looks like something I might proposition by mistake after too much Glenmorangie. If you can easily be mistaken for a girl, you are not manly. Give your sister back her jeans/belt/shirt/makeup and grow some damn facial hair you Goddamn fruit.

    Any movie that preys on White Guilt. I have never owned slaves, so fuck off and bother someone else for a handout/special pleading, or sell me your cousin so I don’t have to do any more yard work.

    Any movie that preys on Male Guilt. Yes I have a penis. Yes, I can be aggressive, chauvanistic and defensive of the womenfolk in my life. However, as you only seem to complain about this in movies rather than when I am a) holding the door/moving the heavy object/killing the spider or b) smacking down some jackass that just groped you….. I’m not sure it’s a valid complaint. Pick one, you either get special treatment and protection or you get absolute equality, not both.

    Any movie that shits all over dearly held childhood memories (George Lucas, I’m looking at you).

    Any movie where the actors may as well be puppets.

    Any movie where the cast is chosen to sell merchandising rather than for making a good movie.

    Any movie with a III or higher in the title.

    PG-13 horror movies. Really?

  5. 55
    Sir Guido Cabrone. LC, M.o.P. says:
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    @ sig94:

    4) Fighting off monsters/rapists/aliens armed only with a flashlight or a shovel.

    Now, that does kinda depend on the shovel…

    Personally, I would hate to get in the way of one of these little bastards.

    Especially in the hands of someone who didn’t know what they were doing with it…

  6. 56
    CrazyFool says:
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    120lb woman characters who start out as flimsy things which are unable to even look at a spider, much less kill it. Who, 55 minutes later are taking out teams of 300lb fully armed men with a few punches and kicks.

    Priests who are portrayed as weak nothings while the ‘evil one’ has absolute and unlimited power.

    Christians who are portrayed as right-wing extremists while serial killers are portrayed as simply ‘misunderstood’ (I’m thinking some of the Criminal Minds episodes).

    CSI teams who apparently have unlimited resources, time, and most of all BUDGETs – everyone gets a tricked out SUV!

    Nobody is ever, ever, ever saved by a citizen with a legally carried Gun.

    Bad guys who, after a lifetime of killing and being bad, make a single good act at the end and ‘all is forgiven’.

  7. 57
    Reply  |  Quote

    LC NCLivingBrit @ 54: That whole diatribe was funny! Loved it!

    As for nude/bonking scenes, I like to actually see what it is I’ve been wondering about if were that nice really. Mind you, CGI really puts a kink in that. You never know if it’s really as nice as what you see n the screen.

  8. 58
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    WHERE’S THAT FREAKING EDIT BUTTON???????????????????????

  9. 59
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    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician sez:

    WHERE’S THAT FREAKING EDIT BUTTON???????????????????????

    Someone stole it.

  10. 60
    seagoon says:
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    Any movie that fails physics. By this I don’t mean Star Trek style rubber physics, I mean The Core/Armageddon style shite physics.

    And noise in space. Fuck that’s annoying.

    Also, glamorizing bitchy behavior. It’s not like showing old fashioned misogyny is acceptable these days….

    But mostly physics fail.

  11. 61
    LC Don_M says:
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    Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery sez:

    Things I don’t want to see ever again in a movie:
    1….Jennifer Aniston
    2….Jennifer Aniston’s incessant sniveling
    3….Will Smith’s big mouth
    4….Corporations portrayed as the root of all the worlds evil, HEY MOVIE GUYS!!!……you all work for corporations!!!!
    5….remakes of 60’s TV series
    6….remakes of those great 50’s Sci-Fi classics
    7….Julia Roberts
    8….Hugh Grant
    9….Movies where every other line contains the word F***
    10..Polar Bears on melting glaciers

    Additions:

    • Robert Downey Jr.: Make like Heath Ledger and float away permanently on that dragon you’ve been chasing for so long, K?

    • The very large asshole located where Viggo Mortensen’s mouth should be.

    • Those “New Moon” faggots. Both of them are insufferable little brats in dire need of serious beatings. Any volunteers?

    • Anybody named Baldwin. Too bad both the brothers and those bombs in “South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” weren’t real.

    • For that matter: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Steve Carell and everybody else associated with any of NBC’s seriously smug, seriously unfunny “sitcoms.” Same goes for SNL which should have been put out of its misery a decade ago.

  12. 62
    dasbow says:
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    1: Overly dramatic music. In Apollo 13, they used a sweeping, majestic score as the rocket lifted off. What – a Saturn V on full burn isn’t dramatic enough? Christ, just fire up the Sense-A-Round, crank up the sound, and be done with it.

    2: Biblical knowledge. Anytime someone names a Bible verse, his opposite recites said verse flawlessly. If someone recites a passage, his opposite notes exactly what passage it is. Really, who memorizes the entire Bible?

  13. 63
    lc purple raider says:
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    5….remakes of 60’s TV series
    6….remakes of those great 50’s Sci-Fi classics

    Not a one of those remakes are worth the electrons they are annoying, or the film they are printed on.

  14. 64
    LC Thresher says:
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    LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. sez:

    Any feminine “hero” (read man minus equipment) who saves a wimpy dude. Admit it bitch, you wished you had a cock, but since you don’t you make up for it with ripped abs, shitty firearms skills that look “cool” on film, and ‘tude. Take of yer shoes, spread yer legs, and get back in the fucking kitchen. (Note to all the GLORS before you castrate me, you know that was aimed at the lesbo feminazi uber dykes in Hollyweird.

    You been drinkin’ haven’t you, Marine? :p

    Amen on the 90-pound female engines of destruction. This is not realistic:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KwtSUatuzQ

    This is what a lady-warrior looks like:

    http://www.youtube.c.....re=related

    And yes, Crunchie, before you ask, I’d totally hit it. Mostly because she’d hit back. :em93:

    Y’all can share a fox holewith me anytime.

    And it’s a fighting position, you drunk old fart. :p

  15. 65
    Cylar says:
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    Hey! Lay off Star Trek and Star Wars. Good sci-fi is hard to come by these days…it’s fallen far since its heyday in the 80s. Most of those movies were pretty good, I thought…especially the most recent installments of each series. (Doubtful we’ll be seeing any more Star Wars movies, though. I guess Lucas doesn’t want any more of our money.)

    - “Inspiring” sports-themed movies where the gruff, tough-talking coach comes along, takes charge of a group of good-for-nothing bunch of juvenile delinquents, endures a bunch of abuse and resistance from the community (who apparently are all obsessed with the local high school sports teams), makes a bunch of demands on them, beats the hell out of them with boot-camp style training, and ends up putting together a team with perfect cohesiveness which then wins the Whatever Championship….and has an epilogue of how all the teammates went on to wonderful successful lives after their involvement with whatever sport. It’s been done, and done again, and done some more. Move on.

    - More “documentaries” directed by Michael Moore.

    - Romantic comedies (or anything, really) starring George Clooney, Susan Sarandon, or Sean Penn.

    - More stupid “National Lampoon” movies about horny college guys scoring with gorgeous fraternity girls, with an “unrated” DVD version to follow the R-rated theatrical release.

    - Movies of any kind where soldiers, clergy, doctors, or police officers are greedy, self-interested, hypocritical SOB’s on the take, but where hookers have a heart of gold.

    - Mob movies about double-crossing and someone having someone else “whacked.” It’s been done. Move on. And why do these films always seem to be set in either the 1920s or the 1970s? Was there no organized crime activity before/since?

    - Any more “American Pie” movies, or installments of any series in which the entire plot revolves around some group of young men trying to get laid.

    - Any more “Friday the 13th” sequels in which “Jason” comes back to life for the 12,734th time and kills even more unsuspecting victims.

    - Movies where some high-ranking military officer is involved in some rogue operation or shh-big-secret coverup, and some intrepid reporter or whomever blows the lid off it.

    - Preachy save-the-environment movies disguised as action films.

    - Pretty much anything starring Will Ferrel as the protagonist. Everyone around me seems to think this guy is just table-slapping hilarious, while it seems to be like every character he plays is the same clueless moron, over and over. Whatever it takes to appreciate his brand of humor, I ain’t got it.

    - Alien-invasion movies in which the invaders are defeated by something fairly common and ordinary – water, everyday illnesses, computer viruses, etc. Something which the aliens would have seen coming if they’d bothered to recon our planet prior to attacking.

    - Alien-invasion movies where initial contact is made at some point in the past (does EVERY film of this type have to start off with the mysterious Roswell event in 1947?)…then the aliens return sixty years later when Earth has finally developed the technology to defend itself

    - Revisionist historical dramas set during the time of the Greek or Roman empires.

    - Ben Stiller movies in which he plays an ordinary, average-Joe kind of guy….who keeps stumbling into unfortunate situations of someone else’s making, which he has to figure his way out of. I mean, it’s been a great run (Meet the Parents 1&2, There’s Something About Mary, Along Came Polly, Duplex, Night at the Museum 1&2), and I generally enjoy his acting, but the guy’s starting to become a little typecast. Doesn’t that bother him?

    - Horror/slasher movies in which the protagonist has to choose which innocent victim to save from the antagonist’s brutal slaughter method.
    - Parody movies of the police/crime drama genre. (Naked Gun trilogy, I’m looking at you.)

    - Movies that start off funny and are marketed as madcap comedies, but gradually become more and more serious/preachy/dramatic/sad as the film progresses. (Mrs Doubtfire, Click, Pleasantville, The Family Stone, I’m looking at you). This has been a movie pet-peeve of mine for years and REALLY grinds my gears. It’s tantamount to false advertising.

    - Spoiled, sheltered rich girl is engaged to rich, well-connected, politically powerful young man, whom she doesn’t really love but is being pressured to marry…who during the film meets downtown, poor-but-smart streetwise hero and falls in love with him. Beaten. To. Death. I know everyone’s thinking “Titanic,” but it’s hardly the first movie to use this plot device; I’ve seen several films from the 50s and 60s which did the same thing.

    - Any movie with female heroes, in which 90-100% of the men in the film are villains/bigots/abusers/general SOB’s.

    - Plucky reporter is stonewalled, threatened, and otherwise thrown for a few curves, but eventually blows the lid off of secret evil conspiracy plot by big evil polluting corporation.

    - Chick flick dramas where some woman is slowly dying, and people are yelling and screaming at each other as they cope with the emotional toll. (“Beaches” and countless other films aimed at women.)

    - Horror films where the perpetrator is a child, or something else cute and innocent-looking, and nobody believes the one person who is “onto” the villain’s scheme to murder people or whatever.

    - Westerns featuring the notorious “quick-draw showdown at high noon” type sequence in the main street of the Wild-West frontier town. From what I understand, this is pure Hollywood fantasy. Did. Not. Happen. That. Way.

    - World-War II films where the protagonist is depressed about the “world blowing itself all to hell” and what’s the point of it all…(“The Thin Red Line”)

    - World War II films about the Eastern Front that show Nazi atrocities, yet let the Soviets off the hook for the atrocities *they* committed.

    - Submarine-themed movies where the sub takes all kinds of damage but miraculously doesn’t sink or become inoperable to the point where it must surface.

    - Movies of any genre where the bad guy’s space station/fortress of doom/whatever takes slight damage from weapons fire, then begins to chain-reaction self destruct, allowing the hero & heroine (and pretty much no one else) to escape just in the nick of time before it explodes completely.

    - Movies based on a video game, especially if made years AFTER the game was released.

    - Any more action movies featuring a badass, walking, with “Bad to the Bone” by George T and the Destroyers. Terminator 2 is the only film allowed to do this, ever.

    Any comedy containing any reference to the dancing-in-the-underwear scene from “Risky Business” accompanied by the song “Old Time Rock n Roll” by Bob Seagar. This song and the aforementioned song are just plain worn out.

  16. 66
    cpncrnch says:
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    95% of ANYTHING that comes out of hollyweird these days!

  17. 67
    LCBrendan says:
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    - Preachy save-the-environment movies disguised as action films

    Avatar :em98: :em98:

  18. 68
    Cylar says:
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    Gang-banger films about life in “da hood”, which glorify casual sex wit dem hoes, drug dealing, drug use, pimpin’, and shootin at cops and others who threaten da bruthas.

  19. 69
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    Well since you slackers have failed to notice that we have a new poster, I’ll give her the usual standard Rotty Welcome while the rest of you fall in line to offer your apologies for ignoring her……

    Welcome Fair Maiden and make yourself at home….well…move those beer cans out of the way and wipe the chair off first. No telling who was sitting in it before.

    Of course I must offer you warnings and cautions to make your stay here more safe enjoyable in the Rotty Empire:

    NEVER open a link from BC, Radical Redneck, Intellectual Conservative, or anyone seen leaving the scene at a rapid pace and giggling wildly. If you do so, you are of course, completely responsible for acquiring your own Brain Bleach™ to try to return your eyesight back to some semblance of normal. Your mental state…well we haven’t found anything that can help that once you cross to the dark abyss of depravity known as BC’s PC Hell.

    Be prepared for Friendly Fire at all times. A lack of new trolls tends to make Rotty Pups testy and they can start a porch fight at the drop of a hat. Bandaids, Peroxide and whiskey tranquilizers are in the Game Room Broom Closet.

    Other than that…just speak your mind, have a thick skin and don’t mind Troy. DOG is in charge of him.

    :em93:

  20. 70
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:
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    DOG has advised that “we” like our maidens a lil on the trashy side….. how long the maiden will remain “fair” remains to be seen, but we think that continued exposure to the Rott might embue the subject with a bit of tarnish. Or at least maybe a bit of that blue Puerto Rican eye shadow that DOG and I are so fond of.

    Welcome Fair Maiden!

    BTW….. Im just a regular average run of the mill dumb ole Security Guard.

    Oh and ignore Muzzy (the ignorant slut) he’s not long for this world………

    Dont Front, Dont sock puppet and stick to your guns around here, what you see is what you get… folks around here meet in person fairly regularly for what is known as Rott Fests… what I call D & D (drunken debauchery). There are very few “online personas” around here… what you see is (as crazy as it may seem sometimes) is real.

    This community is unique in many ways .. one of them is that we have SME’s in just about every known discipline from mechanics to quantum physics, to professional warriors, to immigre’s from socialism, to american expats living abroad, to professional chefs. Short story long…. you can ask just about any question you want … and you will recieve as much info as you want.

    ENJOY!… JUMP IN WITH BOTH FEET, & above all BE YOURSELF.

    Luv, DOG……

    PS…. can I have a snff :em01:

  21. 71
    LC Old Dog says:
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    In addition Fair Maiden should you attend a Rott Fest, save for normal humorous pranks there is probably no place that you could be safer.

    No goomba in his right mind is gonna try to crash this crowd!

    :em04: :em01:

  22. 72
    LC NCLivingBrit says:
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    LC Old Dog sez:

    No goomba in his right mind is gonna try to crash this crowd!

    I think I would pay actual cash money to see that.

  23. 73
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:
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    Thunderdome! :em58:

  24. 74
    Fair Maiden says:
    Reply  |  Quote

    Thank you for the privilege of allowing me into the Imperial realm of intellectual free speech and open ideas. Let me please introduce myself to most of you, as I have already met some of you at last years Midwest Rotfest. I was so gratefully addressed as a “Fair Maiden” while ensuring the party was a success. So I find it only fitting to use this title as it perfectly suites me (Thanks Troy). I am young and am currently a full time college student, majoring in Business. So I would appreciate being able to “pick your brains” a bit as I move forward in my college career. I admit, for the past year or so I have been a “lurking rottie.” I give thanks to one specific Rottie whom I greatly admire and adore as well as hold the highest honor of being a great teacher. He has given me great life lessons in all things and has opened the political door to understanding government in a way that most are oblivious to.
    In my “lurking” I’ve come to respectfully appreciate all of your opinions and am open to your erudite input. I tend to read more than I write, and usually have more questions than answers.

    All the best and always a learner,

    FM

  25. 75
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:
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    Oh … this one is the real McCoy then…..

    Be good to this one rotties, definetly has her shit together,……comes from good stock and is a very fair lass indeed.

    Bought time you spoke up :em03:

  26. 76
    LC PrimEviL says:
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    Fair Maiden @ #74:
    Oh, goody, fresh meat *bong!!* Ow!! Dammit, Mrs.M put that skillet down. You could hurt
    a body with that thing. (good thing she hit me on the head, or she might have hurt me) :em02:

    *ahem* (Mrs. M glowers, tapping foot)
    (DOG wags tail, winks)
    Welcome Fair Maiden, I see you have been properly fore-warned. Don’t be too
    concerned about the BC/RR links, horror is just emotional weakness leaving your brain. :em95:

    HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!! (dives under desk)

  27. 77
    Reply  |  Quote

    @ Fair Maiden:

    welcome to Fortress Rottie :em04:……..

    stick around here long enough and I guarantee that you’ll be a’changing that name of yours…….

  28. 78
    Reply  |  Quote

    Welcome Fair Maiden indeed. And do forgive us our lack of manners in missing your initial post. Mrs.M’s vengeance aprobation was quite appropriate. (BTW Mrs. M, where did you stash the hydrogen peroxide and trauma dressings?)

  29. 79
    LC HJ Caveman82952 says:
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    Yes, you shameless brutes….instead of welcoming the Fair Maiden…….……..well, she won’t be bored here. :em01:

  30. 80
    Sir Fresh Sign says:
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    President Jimmy Carter Apologizes to Jews

    Carter Says Sorry to Jews, Apology Not Linked to Grandson’s Political Ambitions

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHHAHAHAHAHA

  31. 81
    Reply  |  Quote

    Fair Maiden sez:

    Thank you for the privilege of allowing me into the Imperial realm of intellectual free speech and open ideas.

    More an Imperial house of ill repute…

    (ducks)

  32. 82
    Reply  |  Quote

    LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. sez:

    (BTW Mrs. M, where did you stash the hydrogen peroxide and trauma dressings?)

    Back of the Imperial Broom Closet™, on top of the liqueur supply cabinet, upper shelf, in the box marked Hydrogen Peroxide and Trauma Dressings ya noob. :em01:

  33. 83
    LC BrainFromArous, God-Fearing Atheist says:
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    Enjoy…

    http://www.jabootu.com/glossary.htm

  34. 84
    LC BrainFromArous, God-Fearing Atheist says:
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    And some of my own…

    E-Z Languages
    The ability of movie characters – esp Designated Heroes – to attain fluency in foreign languages with preternatural ease. I saw this last week while watching some lame WW2 movie (the name escapes me) where one OSS-type guy told the other he had “picked up German by traveling in Europe before the war.”

    Excuse me? Unless he intends to ask the Gestapo where the bathroom is or order lunch from a Wehrmacht cafeteria, he and his team are in deep Scheisse. Anyone who has ever studied a language knows how hard it is – kids have it somewhat easier, but it’s still a major undertaking.

    Consider the level of fluency OSS-types and spies would need, including regionally-appropriate accents and comfort with slang as well as formal grammar and vocabulary. Not the sort of thing one is likely to ‘pick up’ even if one has a knack for languages – which some people do. Yet we see/hear this all the time!

    Sword-Slamming
    The movie convention – nearly universal, alas – of having two characters with swords ‘fight’ by repeatedly slamming their blades against each other at shoulder-height. Even though this treatment would blunt, bend or even snap all but the finest blades, nobody’s sword ever seems the worse for wear.

    Tactical Morons
    This covers guys who kick open doors and then stand framed in the doorway, with the light silhouetting them from behind. Or people fighting someone with a bat, chain or some such who never think to close with their foe, thus getting inside the arc of the weapon and rendering it far less dangerous…

    Now, I don’t expect every character in the movies to be a hand-to-hand combat expert, but why must so many of them – movie cops, for example – disregard the most basic tactics that are part of their training and street survival?

    (Senti)Mental Illness
    Often seen in ‘dramadies’ (drama/comedies), this involves people who are retarded, bipolar, autistic or whatever but behave in such a way that the audience can say, “Aww, isn’t that cute! They’re people too; they just don’t behave the way that us normal people do! They’re merely misunderstood.”

    Such people are often shown to be more ‘pure’ or insightful than the more functional people around them. There is also the companion cliche of serious mental illness as a signifier of an artistic or ’sensitive’ soul.

    Magic Vests
    This is body armor – often worn by Designated Hero detectives and the like – which, somehow, negates all kinetic force carried by any projectiles. I have seen this more times than I can remember; some hood will pull out a MAC-10 or shotgun and blast our hero point-blank in the chest, shredding his clothes and knocking him back several feet. Of course, our hero is a-ok and promptly pops right back up to give the villain what-for.

    As all Rotties know, body armor doesn’t work like that. Body armor prevents penetration, but that’s it. All that kinetic force has to go somewhere – and that somewhere is the person getting shot.

    Speaking of reality-free violence, there’s the No-Effects Fight. We’ve all seen this. Two characters beat on each other for five minutes straight of screen time, landing full-on blows to the face and vital torso areas that would hospitalize even trained boxers.

    The next scene… there’s hardly a mark on them. Nobody lost any teeth. Nobody’s eyes are swollen shut. No broken noses. No limping. Nada.

  35. 85
    WayneB says:
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    - Movies where some high-ranking military officer is involved in some rogue operation or shh-big-secret coverup, and some intrepid reporter or whomever blows the lid off it.

    Ever read Footfall, by Niven & Pournell? In the latter half of that book, the “Intrepid Reporter” discovers what they’re doing in the big secret operation (to try to defeat the aliens), but when he stops at the compound of a Survivalist friend, the guy staying there who is a former Environmentalist Wacko drowns the reporter in the toilet, then buries him in the compost heap out back, so he doesn’t get a chance to blow the operation’s cover.

    I’d like to see them turn that into a TV mini-series, as long as they don’t turn it around to be another “Humans Evil” plot.



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