Declaration of guilt

I have had a strained relationship with my youngest daughter for several years now.
Her mom and I have been divorced for almost a decade now but the timing of my leaving the household ( my daughter was 13years of age) could not have been any worse. Because we used be close. Leaving was worse then if I had never been in the home at all. I know that now.

My daughter has turned into your typical dependent; dependent on the government, dependent on the system a slave to her own self destructive behaviors and attitudes. For a number of years I have blamed myself for not reaching out to her more when she was still young and now I worry about not being more sympathetic to her situation and current circumstances.

What my daughter has become is exactly why I tend to be so pissed nowadays. I’m pissed at our political situation right now and I’m pissed at this president for turning our nation into political comedy theater. I can’t help but to be pissed at black folks who willingly ignore the warnings signs about this disastrous presidency simply due to his skin color. But I am most pissed that my own flesh and blood has denied her upbringing and failed to use her high IQ to help herself become a productive and contributing member of society.

The seemingly stereotypical horrifying statistics that have been recited by black right wing bloggers hits a raw nerve with most black conservatives because we can see first hand the results of government dependency, lack of education and lack of focus . I’m not naive. I understand that the problems connected with fathers and daughters are nothing new and my situation is no different. My daughter engaging in self destructive behaviors on her own is bad enough. But she is now passing on her self destructive behaviors to her two children. And it’s not just my daughter and her family’s future that is at stake. We are losing a whole generation of black children to this nonsense! Yet another generation encouraged and rewarded for being permanent victims.

The reality of the situation is this; if you’re a poor adult in America, for the most part, it’s all your fault. That’s true, at least today, whether you’re black, white, brown or green. Even if you had a lousy childhood, or some trauma while you were young, unless you are retarded or disabled in some way, the past is no excuse to stay stuck, forever the victim, unless you want it to be that way. There are far too many ways to work your way out of poverty. But you have to do the work. And far too many do not have any desire and, thanks to the Democrat hand outs, no need to do the work it takes to become self-sustaining.

I will take to my grave the belief that my biggest mistake in life was not insisting that my youngest daughter come live with me when my ex and I separated. Maybe it was not the direct cause, but I believe that as a result of that mistake she will be forever chronically unemployed and socially inept. She is 22 and still does not have a high school diploma or even a GED. She is no dummy intellectually. But socially and emotionally, she is stuck on age 13. Perhaps forever. This type of situation is exactly the reason why way too many black folks have become government dependent.

How is it that I can have two daughters who turned out so differently? My oldest is doing well as a nurse and preparing herself to get her Masters in nursing. She is steadfast in her independence. The other daughter is the poster child for what happens to you when consistently choosing the wrong path through life. It results in a permanent state of anger and nauseating self pity.

There are approximately 36 million Americans living in poverty. As I struggle to figure out my daughters’ situation I wonder how many of those folks living in poverty have skipped down the same self destructive path as her. Now that is a rhetorical question. I know exactly why my daughter is in the situation she is in – she is just lazy.

Recently I have been absorbed in guilt, wishing that I had the ability to go back in time to right my personal parental wrongs. Here I am this brooding right wing Negro blogger who rants against government dependency, liberalism and nanny state politics while his daughter is disappearing in societal quick sand. As much as I want to ellude the mental guilt of post marital child abandonment, I can’t help but to think that her failures are my failures.

I’ve read the number; 70 percent of female-headed households are poor. A large percentage of poor people are children (17 percent). And 85 percent of black children living in poverty reside in a female-headed household.

But here is the funny thing, she is not living alone. She lives with a bum of a man who is unwilling or incapable of providing for her or his own child. So she has two children by two different colossal bums; stereotypical Negro malcontents, absolutely worthless human beings. And yet we are all supposed to feel sorry for her and all the less fortunate. Why? Because she chose to drop out of school (or not get her GED)? Because she chose to live and breed with thugs who do God knows what to her an her children? How can we help her when she won’t help herself and give up her self-destructive life-style?

Leftists would leave you to believe that a kinder and friendlier government outreach would be in order to rescue the the ill prepared from their pre-ordained poverty stricken fate.
But is poverty pre-ordained? I think not. Take a married couple, both working full time at a minimum-wage job that pays $5.15 per hour. They would earn an annual income of $20,600. Not a lot. But enough. Keep in mind that few adults earn wages as low as the minimum wage and those who do earn a higher wage after a few months on the job. If a married couple both working at the minimum wage had no children, they would not be poor; if they had two children, they wouldn’t be living in the lap of luxury, but neither would they be below the poverty threshold.

Now consider my daughter and her situation. Without a high school education she was working at the local airport making about $9.50 per hour. In a recent conversation she revealed that she quit that job because she did not get the raise she was promised. She said that she was going to take some time off to try and find a better paying job obviously oblivious to my previous rants informing her that not pursuing an education will permanently keep her in the shitty job category and any employer that does hire her is not obligated to raise her salary because finding another low wage uneducated moron is easy. So she quits a job to let the government care for her again. And calls me only when she wants money.

My guilt is running amuck, but the bottom line is nobody forced her to accept donations from sperm donors. George Wallace was not blocking the doors to the local high school forbidding her to enter and pursue her education and I doubt that she saw any commercials promoting the virtues to being poor, broke and uneducated in America. She is the poster child for why there are so many females struggling to make it in American society. She bought into the notion that being loved meant lying down with a man. She allowed herself to be disrespected because she has not self respect. And she continues to lie to herself about why she never has enough money. She has simply decided that living with a thug is more important then earning a decent living and taking care of her own needs.

Divorce or death of the father might explain a small part of why there are so many female-headed households. But the bulk of it is explained by people having children and not getting married in the first place. Having children is not an act of God. It’s not like you’re walking down the street and pregnancy strikes you; children are usually the result of a conscious decision. For the most part, poor young women saddled with kids they can’t properly care for comes from the short-sighted, self-destructive behavior of one or two people. In the recent conversation I had with my daughter she also proudly revealed that since she has successfully navigated the section 8 bureaucracies she can live in her nice 3 bedroom 3 bath home with a large backyard for just a few dead presidents a month so she has more time to figure out her options. Goodie for her. Bad for us! It does not matter that her baby daddies are worthless pieces of shit because they (the fathers) are simply replaced by a government welfare check.

Most people with common sense knows that the secret for avoiding poverty is to finish high school and take a job, any kind of a job. And keep at it until/unless you have a better one lined up! Today, if a person graduates from high school, with even a C average, there is a college or some kind of skills training program somewhere for him or her, and often financial assistance to boot. So if a person doesn’t take advantage of today’s available opportunities and engages in self-destructive behavior, whose fault is it?

I remember a few years back when Bill Cosby got into the faces of black America
and spoke out about counterproductive ghetto behaviors. Silly ass Negros and leftist white people tried to crucify him for speaking frankly and calling attention to the self destructive behaviors that plague not just poor blacks but all poor people regardless of color.

Most of you no doubt have seen the audio clips of that horrible communist bitch Diane Watson praising the virtues of Fidel Castro and the Cuban health care system. The clips are viral throughout the right wing web. Many commenters have asked how could such a disgraceful idiot politician get elected to public office. Well just look at how many people today have their hand out jockeying for position to receive government table scraps. Watson, who inexplicable will publicly praise the virtues of Castro’s communism, realizes that her elected role as black Santa (along with countless other liberal elected officials) provides that safety net for those who have fallen through the cracks due to the multitudes of families that struggle with ungrateful, and unmotivated children. When our children fail to live up to their God given potential they not only break our hearts, they turn into whining demanding dependent liberals.
As horrible as I make this sound, I still have some measure of hope… I did not just use that word… shit! Oh well, who knows – maybe her common sense will kick in some day. I will be there for her if the day ever comes that she pulls her head out and becomes more responsible for her own life. However, because of my personal guilt, it makes it difficult for me to read and blog about today’s political scene because I, like so many other adults, must witness first hand how our parental missteps end up turning someone we loved into the backbone of the liberal Democrat political eco system.
If you have daughters or granddaughters give them a big hug the next time you see them.
A little more personal time, a few more hugs AND lots of encouragement as they navigate towards adulthood just may keep them from the clutches of liberalism… well it may not be that serious but at least you might have a lot of parental regrets down the road.

39 comments

  1. 1

    I’ll never pretend to know your pain, Sir, but can say a whole lot of us know somethin’ about it.

    “Well, there wasn’t anything I could do” ,, the cheap little fuggit pill you couldn’t swallow, might have been all too true enough, given the situation.

    However, refusing to personally accept that speaks of a tenacity beyond logic,, into the realm of Brute Love.

    ‘Can only envy the buffet you might have spread for her: ‘Can’t see you as being the lazy one.

    ‘Glad to know you, ‘hope you stay very near.

    Y’know, nature’s very rough on parasites too.
    They can’t exist long without a good strong host that can’t rid it’s self of it
    Let’s hope the Gran’ kids get a chance to figure that out. :em04:

  2. 2
    LuckyLeo says:

    Gaius,

    I hear you loud and clear.

    Boy, did this touch a nerve! I don’t want to get into this much; but if I did not know better, I would have thought that I wrote your above blog entry.

    All I can say brother is that we have to keep up the fight and educate our brothers and sisters. Some will hear us; some will ignore us; and some will hate us.

    But eventually, all will know that we are right. That we are the free peoples amongst them and that all we want them to do is become free as well.

    If they have the guts (not brains), they will see the light. And I think that is the truth of the matter. It is not that many of our people are stupid or brainwashed. They are just cowards. They are scared of taking responsibility for their actions (“What if I fail?” or “It is someone elses fault my life is so screwed up”, they think.) Or, they are scared of having their “blackness” called into question, if they do not follow lockstep in the conformity that is prevalent (or that they think is prevalent) in the Black community.

    As a aside, I am hearing and seeing more and more of our own people with buyer’s remorse concerning “Dear Leader”. And it is interesting how it is justified. The most creative one I heard yet, from formerly rabid Obama supporter who now has serious case of buyer’s remorse, was that Obama has been prophesied to be the POTUS. It says so in Genesis, thus, it is part of God’s plan. This is what I was told, by this older African-American lady who admits (in hushed tones to me, confidental-like) that the Zero is turning out to be just that. Translation: “Don’t blame me that I voted for Obama. It was out of my hands. The Good Lord wanted this to happen.”

    An interesting “out”, I suppose. Still, it serves as a good example. We just need more of us to develop a spine — not the “faux machismo” of the “gangsta rapper” — but a real spine.

    By the way, as an end note, I believe have inadvertently found the right meme to get our people to see our point of view. So far on every person that I have tried this on, I got them to at least look at it, if not get outright agreement on this point.

    Tell them this with this theme in mind: “The bogeyman is taxes”. If they (or their employer) paid less in taxes, it is likely they would live better, because:

    YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BETTER THAN THE GOVERNMENT CAN!

    And do you know that this really resonates! “You can take care of your children better than the government can.” “You can spend your own money better than the government can.” “You can trade your own car in better than the government can.”

    This actually communicates to people. They get it because it is the truth!

    Try it and see what happens.

  3. 3
    AyUaxe says:

    Sad to say, this is a tough row to hoe for all of us. I’ve seen family members go down the tubes, flushed by what might be referred to as typical white trash behavior. Race has nothing to do with it. It’s painful and a real “tough love” experience for everyone. Sometimes, the toughness can’t ever stop. About the only thing we can do is continue to pray, try to be good examples, and listen when we can. It is, though, particularly sad and difficult when the gummint intrudes and makes things even more difficult by buying our wayward loved ones’ souls with cheap shit and gold-painted shit promises. That is certainly what has happened to the poor and particularly urban black community in this country. It is damn hard for me to drive by projects every day and see “working age” guys hanging out with a 40 in a bag, cars newer than mine, and other goodies I don’t have, while I’m on the way to a 50 hour/wk grind. Would I just love to lay on my ass and skim off the gummint with 3 or 4 baby-mamas and various grandmothers and aunties providing all the necessaries of life–sure I would. But then again, then I’d be a lazy, shiftless, parasitic asshole and that I couldn’t tolerate. I wish more people could see that. Anyway, as I said on another thread, Buck up, don’t fuck up! You’re caring and thinking, so there’s still hope.

  4. 4
    LC Staci GBOR says:

    Gaius,

    I always say this in regards to kids and what they turn out to be. When we become adults, we have free will. There comes a time when we stop blaming out parents. THEN, there has to come a time when the parents stop blaming themselves. It took me becoming an adult to realize, like me, my father fucked up and made mistakes too and I was able to forgive him. I don’t believe you neglected your kids like he did…fortunately for myself and my brothers, we had a strong mother who taught us to be all we could be.

    I watched my ex as a single father with his girls…two of them. Even at home, your daughter would have probably made the same choices. He has one who is plugging away at school and the other a complete and utter fuck up. And he gave them every opportunity and a life I could have only dreamed about…prepaid college, leased cars, cush life. Being just a little white cracker, I didn’t have assistance and had to work my tail off while in school to even go there and I remember wanting to shake her when she moaned how she “deserved” more.

    My point is, regardless of whatever opportunities each one of us is given, we are responsible for ourselves and we are completely stupid if we do not take advantage. Your daughter chose this life and would have probably done the same even with you in the picture. I understand you may feel parental guilt because you want to feel pride for your child, but Sir, I don’t think you should blame yourself. We are all responsible for our own destiny. Than means your daughter too. She already has what many young girls don’t. A father who gives a shit. Hopefully, she realizes that.

  5. 5
    Tallulah says:

    You’re not alone, Gaius. The Black community has some historical challenges of its own, but still: it’s mostly human nature at work.

    Take my family, for instance: My mother’s brother had three daughters. The eldest is married, has MS, and is a total shrew to her long-suffering husband. They have one daughter. The husband works diligently and supports them. The second daughter is a disaster: has four kids, three out of wedlock; lives on the government dole, and tries to bum money from my uncle all the time. He’s cut her out of his will. The daughter claims she’s a born-again Christian, but her kid sister thinks it’s another scam: the church folks “help her out” a great deal.

    The youngest daughter, in contrast, has been single and self sufficient. Graduated from high school early (smart) because “school was boring.” She went right to work and is now an office manager at a high-tech corporation. They love her. She has a five-bedroom house and a real nice SUV, all bought and paid for by herself. Furnished beautifully. She has a boyfriend, a divorced fellow who’s older than she, but no intentions of getting married. Loves her independence too much. (She’s 47, in top shape).

    IOW, the polar opposite of her older sister! Go figure.

    My nephew is my sister’s oldest: he’s a brilliantly gifted musician, but has a hardcore drinking problem. Works retail — at least he’s not on the dole! — and his girlfriend does, too. They’re engaged, but who knows when/if they’ll get married. They constantly have money problems and car breakdowns and landlord confrontations, and their apt. is a pigsty. He went to college for a couple of years, but he didn’t focus, fucked off, and fell off the saddle. His sister, OTOH, is an overachiever: scholarship student to a top university, works hard as hell, just had her junior year abroad (France), and combined all that with being a competitive swimmer. She’s a steady plugger, and smart. I suspect her brother has more native talent, but she has the discipline.

    And we’re all Mighty White. 😉

    I guess the moral of the story is, we just do the best we can and try to muddle through. My cousins and niece/nephew also came from broken homes. But there are those of us who didn’t and have nevertheless had the same types of problems. Personality, temperament, birth order, status in the family hierarchy, all play a part.

    If she can find one, your daughter might benefit from being in a support group with peers. But you’re right: the government’s being there with a three-bedroom home (!!!) and other goodies makes it SO easy for the kid to fuck off. No survival pressure.

  6. 6

    Gaius,

    Maybe you and LuckyLeo can enlighten me on something. I’m not trying to be obtuse, really. I just want to understand. Why is it that so many blacks resent people like Clarence Thomas and Condi Rice, instead making role models out of people like Sheila Jackson Lee and Cynthia McKinney?

    Is there some “pride” to being thought of as still being on the plantation, and pride in the “ghetto mentality”?

    It would seem that most logical people (I know…that excludes all libs and most democrats) would want the best and brightest of their race(s) to represent them.

  7. 7
    CrazyFool says:

    I see where your coming from. I’ve seen it. What A Fucking Waste Of A Life!

    I have a niece who had all the advantages but never, ever, applied herself. Went throught all the state programs – but never applied herself. Had a kid (out of wedlock) and the state even PAID FOR DAYCARE for her for a couple of years so she can apply herself (she instead chose to spend her time watching TV and going to the Mall). That’s right she would take her kid to daycare (state paid for), and then go home and watch TV or go to the mall. And this wasn’t a cheap daycare either – it was the kind of daycare center I can only dream about sending (and paying for) my kids to attend.

    Had a job at a Dollar store and got fired her first day – for refusing to, you know, do any work….

    She got married (to a Vietnam Vet) and they went thru the church scams. Dressing their kids in rags all the time and always looking for donations from the church – and then the church finally says no they simple start with another church….

    In contrast my wife, who came over from the Philippines, was amazed and thoroughly disgusted by the antics of her and the rest of the ‘moochers’ on welfare. In the Philippines, there is no welfare program – no daycare program – and no job training programs. Her (my wife’s) father has only one arm – and on that arm only three fingers he cannot even bend – yet he (and his wife) were able to send 5 kids through collage. And they are *not* rich – not dirt poor bit not well-to-do either. Then even adopted another one who is about to start collage. Over there you depend on family, neighbors, friends…. not the government.

    When I was a kid we were on welfare. And let me tell you it’s as addictive and destructive as crack or heroin or any hard-core drug. I thank God often that we were able to escape that particular trap.

    I think a lot of it also has to do with the culture on TV and such – the worship of ‘Gangsta’ and calling women ‘Ho’ – which Hollywood and the Entertainment industry are pushing to be ‘acceptable’.

  8. 8
    LC Staci GBOR says:

    There is no shame with people these days. Self esteem cannot be taught. It has to come from within. I was thinking of how I have held out and have lately been questioned over and over why I have never married. I always replied I haven’t met the one. God willing, with my recent beau, I just may have at 39. We have discussed many deep issues and what we believe in and who we are. I was always told my standards were too high by people. My reply, “You say that like its an insult. I expect back what I can give. Period.” CrazyFool points out the detrimental view that society teaches about relationships. You find many youngsters don’t know what makes someone acceptable and honorable as a mate. There expectations are so low. I just got the following in an email titled self-worth today and it is bang on. Many women need to learn to espouse what is said in this:

    In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:

    ‘What kind of man are you looking for?’

    She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, ‘Do you
    really want to know?’

    Reluctantly, he said, ‘Yes.

    She began to expound, ‘As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to
    ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself?

    I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any
    man…

    or woman for that matter..

    I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’

    The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

    She quickly corrected his thought & stated, ‘I am not referring to money. I
    need something more.

    I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.

    He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

    She said, ‘I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I
    need conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

    I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t
    need to be unequally yoked….believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe
    for disaster.

    I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because

    I don’t need a financial burden.

    I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a
    woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

    I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and
    game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

    I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and
    provider to the lives entrusted to him by GOD.

    I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect
    him.

    I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I
    have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.

    And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will
    recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but
    he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I
    can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.

    When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

    He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.. He said, ‘You are asking a
    lot.

    She replied, “I’m worth a lot“.

  9. 9
    LuckyLeo says:

    LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R., Imperial Grammar Hun sez:

    Gaius,
    Maybe you and LuckyLeo can enlighten me on something. I’m not trying to be obtuse, really. I just want to understand. Why is it that so many blacks resent people like Clarence Thomas and Condi Rice, instead making role models out of people like Sheila Jackson Lee and Cynthia McKinney?
    Is there some “pride” to being thought of as still being on the plantation, and pride in the “ghetto mentality”?
    It would seem that most logical people (I know…that excludes all libs and most democrats) would want the best and brightest of their race(s) to represent them.

    Hon, you are not at all being obtuse. And to be very honest, I do not understand it myself.

    There are many, many justifications on why so many Blacks to resent Clarence Thomas and Condi Rice. But in my honest opinion, I don’t think that there are as Blacks that do as we are led to believe.

    I got someplace to be in an hour and I would like to answer this more thoroughly, Skye. So I will try to give you a better answer later — if Gaius doesn’t beat me to it.

    (What would be even more fun and interesting if he gives me an answer that I disagree with and then we can have a healthy debate on it :em04: But somehow, I doubt that.)

  10. 10
    DaToad says:

    I think we have all seen it, either in our own families or to friends.

    First, I have say that I have been blessed that all of the children that I’ve raised have gone on to be successful citizens. And believe me, not a day goes by that I don’t thank the lord for it. The youngest one is 30 yrs old and is a senior at Arizona State University, a Phi Beta Kappa, and is getting a degree in biology. (She already has a degree in business management). She spent 8 yrs in the US Navy and has paid her own way since she enlisted at 18. Not that she doesn’t have issues – she voted for Ron Paul in 2008. :em99:

    On a more serious note, I watched a friend self distruct back in the 60s because he thought that he could “milk” the system and live as well as he was living working 40hrs a week. He had an accident and went on disability and welfare. He still had that cumbersome mortgage payment on the three bedroom ranch, and he figured he could do better if the state paid his rent, so he let it default. With a wife and three kids he qualified for rent assistance, and moved into a semi-squalid state run apartment complex. This all went on for several years with his wife becoming more unhappy by the day. In the end, they cut off his disbility because he couldn’t get any doctors to certify that he was permanently disabled. Faced with actually having to go back to work to support his family, he skipped out left the state. His wife finally divorced him after she tracked him down.

    I ran into him by accident 10, maybe 15 yrs later, sleeping on the floor in a shed behind another friend’s business, (long story of how he came to be there), broke, homeless and so fucked-up he didn’t recognize me.

    What a waste.

  11. 11
    Ladylaw7777 says:

    We all make mistakes. No parent – or child – is perfect. And there are plenty of lousy parents who have children who turn out to be productive and happy people (read “The Glass Castle” for one such story). And bad things happen to people who do not make a living out of being a victim 24/7 (those who survived the Holocaust come to mind). Even if you didn’t live with your daughter, or see her enough, there are/were other factors at work. Including her own free will. Even if she has had a terrible life (which she didn’t), at some point it’s up to her and her alone to turn things around. Guilt is self-indulgent unless it is accompanied by reform. That’s what it is for. To help us figure out what we need to avoid or change, going forward. All you can do from here on out is be a good dad. So, how are you doing to do that. Aside from giving her money to aid in her habit of depending too much upon hand-outs, what can you give her or do for her? You can give her your time – visits and calls. Your love – hugs, positive attention, cards, letters, presents. Your prayers – every day forever. But be preparred for rejection. Often those who play the victim card a lot will reject anything that asks them to change. They do not want to be reminded of their flaws by being around someone who is not a victim 24/7.

    As for why so many blacks do not like the members of their race who have succeeded, but who are conservative – does the phrase “Crabs in a barrell” come to mind? It does for me. They hate seeing anyone but them succeed. I’ve witnessed it up close and personal, way too many times. And it’s not just a race thing either. Human beings have a nasty habit of being jealous of other people. But instead of trying harder so they too can succeed, they want to pull down/back those who succeed. That’s the explantion for why many people think socialism etc. is a good idea; they want to make others share more with them….until it is THEM that starts losing out on the climb out of the barrell.

  12. 12
    anonymous hourly worker says:

    You’re in the same boat as many of us. I was having a discussion about this with one friend; her 17-year-old son was on his second felony arrest. She has three other children, all of which are normal. I have two daughters who attend college full time and work part-time. And then there’s my son; 19-years-old and currently living with me, on the run from the law, with no job, barely finished high school, incipient drug habit, loser girlfriend, etc. etc. etc.

    All three children were raised exactly alike, with the same parents. All of my friend’s children were raised exactly alike, with the same set of parents.

    We came to the conclusion that three out of four wasn’t bad, and that two out of three wasn’t bad. The child’s character says more about the genetic makeup of the child than it does your hand in raising them, otherwise they would be much more alike than different. Some kids are easy, and others are a nightmare, and you can tell a lot about them at a pretty early age.

    Guilt is parenthood’s middle name. Good parents always feel guilty about SOMETHING they did, or didn’t do. It comes with the territory.

  13. 13
    FrJim says:

    I feel your pain, brother. In my case, it was the choice of the other parent that introduced the horrible space between myself and my children. As a result, I feel less guilt because the situation was not induced by me – indeed, I attempted to keep the family together.

    Regardless of choice, I think your post reinforces a profound though often unstated truth. Divorce is almost always an immoral act because of what happens to the children. I pray that your story and mine will help focus parents on their place as moral leaders with their children and spare the greater society of divorce’s most horrible legacy: the lives of ruined children who in far too many cases end up living on the dole of government rather than joining the self-reliant producers who contribute positively to our world.

    -Jim+

  14. 14

    To make the statement required for this would mean jumping all around through your post, Gaius. Put most simply, I’ll take this one piece:

    But I am most pissed that my own flesh and blood has denied her upbringing and failed to use her high IQ to help herself become a productive and contributing member of society.

    THAT is what is wrong with a communist upbringing and its relationship to human nature. Why work, why use your brain, if it’s going to be taken from you and redistributed? We all want first US, then OURS, then anybody else to be cared for. See “Maslow’s Heirarchy”. Charity is secondary, first you must take care of you and yours. If you are raised “in privilege”, why bother working?

  15. 15
    LC Spare Parts says:

    In regards to Ladylaw7777’s comment @ :
    On to something here. The bottom feeders believe the world is a sandbox where they deserve their level pailfull. Earning it is not their way, ergo the Jackson/Sharpton model holds to the max. They are extortionists who make whitey pay. No matter how wretched their existence, witnessing Acorn shaking down bankers validates their beliefs.

  16. 16
    LC LittleRott84 says:

    All right, I will be the first to point out that I am not perfect. I’m almost 25 and still living with my parents, but I am working on getting out of the hole. I applied to go AGR (Active Guard/Reserve, in other words, to be working full-time at a reserve or National Guard unit), working on getting some points to get promoted to sergeant, and I am taking classes to become a Plant Engineering mechanic at UPS. However, my sister has done nothing to that end. She’s 22, doesn’t have a GED, and is stocking shampoo at a drug store. She says that she wants to become a vet tech, but doesn’t have a GED, nor seems to even want it. Hard to believe that we have the same parents.

  17. 17
    Papa Ray says:

    Like someone said earlier in this thread, race is not the end all nor the cause in someone not taking personal responsibility for themselves and making the effort to better themselves.

    Yes, a two parent situation is much better, but even then raising children is hard if both work.
    But not impossible and not impossible to do a good job shaping and teaching that doing the right thing is almost always harder but it is always best.

    Your story mirrors mine, right down to the two grand kids. You didn’t mention drugs, which my daughter chose to do for over fifteen years. She finally beat that as much as an addict can, which means she is clean until the next time she uses.

    I made the mistake the first fifteen or so years after our divorce of trying to make up for my percieved faults and for her lack of personal responsibility and her drastic fall to want to be loved by any man who said she was beautiful, which she was but that changed after years of smoking crack.

    I did too much over the years, I enabled her to continue her chosen lifestyle. She too learned how to use the government as a substitute husband. And always kept a few cheap sugar daddies at hand. She had the potential to really do well, she already had three years of college and one year in a nursing school when she decided that drugs and fun were more attractive than hard work and doing the right things. She was twenty one years old and now she if forty two and has nothing but welfare, an $8.75 an hour part time job and me . But my fortunes went south due to bad luck and circumstances beyond my control so my financial support is all in the past except I do make sure my two grand daughters have what they need and a few things that they want.

    So there is another story of grief, sadness and little hope, but I have never been one to give up on hope because to do so kills you in so many ways.

    Papa Ray
    West Texas

  18. 18
    Cannon Fodder says:

    I have heard this kind of thing my whole life. Pull up your boot straps and get out there and make it for yourself! It’s all bunk for some of us. We can’t all find that something that gets us out of the hole. I have taken courses in my life to help me get somewhere in life. Guess what? None of them panned out to be anything useful. For this entire year, so far, my brother and I have been trying like hell to figure out how to start a repossession business. I have the experience in the field, but neither of us have credit worthy of any loans to get started. Insurance is seriously expensive and you need a “hook and book” style wrecker these days. Everywhere I look just suggests that we go to family and friends for loans to get started. Well, neither if us have that luxury. No one we know, even as a group, have money to loan us for that. We would need, minimum, $25,000.00 to get started. There aren’t any options for employment for me being disabled and a type2 diabetic. I can’t afford to jump into a job and lose my benefits since my meds cost way too much. So, it isn’t necessarily that someone has no desire, just no means to achieve that desire.

  19. 19
    Crustyrusty says:

    FrJim’s post is like my situation. Ex threw me out of the paid for house, collects more child support than a lot of people make in wages, ostensibly “goes to school” to get the pell grants, collects medicaid and food stamps, and poisons the kids’ minds against me as if the situation they’re in (trashed house, no money, etc.) is somehow MY fault. I don’t think the kids even know that I basically support their whole household.

    I have 4 kids with her. My oldest son wants nothing to do with school, but seems to be mechanically inclined and might do well in the trades. My oldest daughter has developed into a typical rebellious sort, just like her mother… Lord only knows what form of male she’ll end up with. Youngest daughter seems to still have a head on her shoulders, and youngest son only cares about Pokemon and DS… a crap shoot to be sure.

    Sorry, just ranting; the OP really hit a nerve.

  20. 20
    LC Xealot says:

    Sir, I admire your honesty. I’m a white guy, as white as they get, really. And in today’s world it’s difficult for people like me to bring attention to this problem you’ve described without being branded as racist or evil and thus easily disregarded. Thus it falls to you to bring attention to this problem and try to fix it. It stinks that the Left uses low tactics like that to try and keep a permanent dependent class, but it is what it is. If we ever fix the situation, it will be through your efforts.

    It must be difficult to go through what you’ve gone through with your daughter, but you are right… there is hope! When I was a kid, I was stupid lazy brat. My father is a good and honest man, but he was so busy working he didn’t have time to try to fix my problems. Still, his lessons took hold after awhile, and I turned my life around eventually. Sometimes, people have to see for themselves what life is like in the poorhouse before they get the motivation to climb out of it. I hope this is the case for your daughter as well. Sometimes it takes awhile to set in, but one day you wake up and realize “my life sucks… maybe I ought to do something about it.” That’s when things start to turn around.

  21. 21

    anonymous hourly worker sez:

    All three children were raised exactly alike, with the same parents. All of my friend’s children were raised exactly alike, with the same set of parents.

    AHW,

    While I understand your meaning here, I have to disagree with you. When the second child came along, the variables changed. When the third came, the variables changed even more. So it was not really an identical upbringing. Same set of parents, yes. Same house, same schools, yes. Different pecking order, different sets of friends, different temperaments.

    Also, you cannot rear boys and girls exactly alike. Doesn’t work. My two (girl and boy) are as different as night and day. Total 180 degrees difference. I had to adjust accordingly.

  22. 22

    Ah,, The life of a Kept Human™.

    Don’t knock it ’till ya try it.

    It’ll give you time to preen, practice your poise, UP YOUR INTELLECT.

    (N’ up yers too, y’skank)

  23. 23
    Ladylaw7777 says:

    So crusty, because you can’t do what you want to do, you can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps?

    My son’s best friend is a great guy. 31. White kid raised by lower middle class folks. Never married. No kids. Highschool degree. Some training as a chef. Recently laid off as manager at a plant that closed. He struggles. Never had enough $$ even when he did have a job. No car half the time. Why is he not more successful? Maybe because he does not stop his gambling on line. Or card playing. Nor does he get any new training in new fields (thru the public institutions, with loans or grants). Nor is he willing to move somewhere where there might be more jobs (his family lives where he does). Nor does he hit the pavement looking for work, or send out resumes every day. None of those options appeal. So he’s at home for now. And when unemployment runs out, who knows? He’ll find something. Probably. Maybe.

    The people I know who “succeed” (meaning the whole spectrum of success – from making just enough money to survive, to getting filthy rich) all share one common trait; persistence. They do not give up. They are creative. They are flexible. They work their tails off. They don’t have much time for fun stuff. They do not sit back and take it easy. They hussle. Always. If they can’t get work in their field, they’ll flip hamburgers for awhile until they can re-group. And deliver newspapers also. The people I know who have succeeded were not dead set on any one type of business or vocation. They worked real hard, every day, at something.

    I am not saying you aren’t that type of person. Just saying what I have personally observed. Maybe your business idea sounds great to you, but not to anyone with money to start it. So the next option may be to come up with some other way to earn money. We don’t always get our “dream job.” Not ever. That does not mean we can’t be earning a living most of the time! Or at least being productive. My 4’11” 98 pound grandmother had a small backyard garden that she worked solo, on her own, until she was 96 years old! Then she canned a lot of it for the winter. With jars she scavanged year round. That fed her and several neighbors. She would take plastic sacks (bread, store, etc.) cut them into strips, then crochet plastic rugs. Which she sold (and gave away). She took scraps of cloth and quilted lovely blankets. She raised chickens under her stove. Be creative. Survive. Survivors thrive!

  24. 24
    The Six says:

    I got lucky Gaius. I have a daughter that kept me sleepless for many years. I agonized over her future. She was smart but lazy. She was athletic but let herself get fat. She wanted to get ahead but had no plan and no drive. The Air Force was the changer. She loved the local air show and often hung out at the AF recruiting booth. We got her through community college and she got her weight down. AF basic was a real eye opener for her as was being stationed in England. The transformation really started then. She was 24 by that time. She met a guy and got married. Has 2 children now (who just adore their grandparents don’cha know) but, frankly, we still had to shepherd her through a bit of self imposed ‘poor me’ even then. She’s 30 now and really just becoming a complete adult. The punch line is that I really don’t think we had all that much influence on her other than showing her what was possible and that just by being there. She made her own path, it just took her friggin’ forever to do it.
    My point is that this generation seems to blossom much later than we did. 30 is the new 18 or something like that. Keep the faith. Stay involved with her life. Be there for her emotionally. I firmly believe there are no hopeless cases (or damn few) so there’s a good chance she’ll eventually see the light. The key is keeping your relationship with her such that when that happens she’ll turn to you.
    And listen to your lovely and oh so smart wife. She’s a peach!

  25. 25
    Bright Eyes says:

    You’ve probably read this one before, but it really fits this thread.

    A Virginian, a Marylander, and a West Virginian are out fishing on a lake.

    They see a man at the edge of the water, he has a beard and is wearing a robe and sandals. Suddenly, much to their surprise, he steps out onto the lake and starts walking across the surface toward their boat. Upon reaching the boat he introduces himself:

    JC “Good afternoon gentlemen, I am The Lord Jesus Christ, do any of you have any ailments, injuries, or afflictions?

    The Virginian replies “I threw my back out working in a warehouse a few years ago, it’s been killing me ever since.”

    Jesus then lays his hand on the Virginian’s back “By the power of the Lord, I heal you of your affliction” the Virginian’s spine instantly re-aligns and regenerates. The Man is overcome with gratitude “Thank you Jesus, Hallajujah! Praise the Lord!” he says tearfully.

    Jesus then turns to the Marylander and asks him if he has any ailments or afflictions. “I blew out my right knee playing football in High School” he replies, ” I’t’s been kinda gimpy ever since” Jesus lays his hand on the Marylander’s knee, and he too is cured.

    The West Virginian suddenly grabs an oar and scrambles to the corner of the boat, using the oar to fend off our Lord and Savior “DON’T TOUCH ME MAN!, I GOT PERMANENT DISABILITY!

    (Any actual West Virginians reading the Rott are not likely to exhibit this behavior, but I’ll bet they have some neigbors they could tell us about.)

  26. 26
    Ladylaw7777 says:

    Six….Blushing now…..

    And ya know, now that I think about it, my son and most his age are on that “30 is the new 18” program too… Hmmm. That may just be the “issue.”

  27. 27
    bruce says:

    welfare killed the black family just like it will kill the white family.as for your children all you can do is teach them to have high standards and show them right from wrong by example,after that it is up to them.

  28. 28
    LC HJ Caveman82952 says:

    It’s funny how things work out sometimes. My best buddy Gary, his eldest son, a lazy mamas boy, got shot in a drive by a year ago, not seriously injured. He changed, decided he may become a cop. I told him to change his attitudes about work, cops are called upon to do many dangerous, shitty things. I hope he makes it.
    My daughter is in a difficult situation, unemployment rate here over twenty per cent. Looking for over a year now, frustrated. I told her to just keep trying, not to stress on it, for her efforts are solid. She finally landed a job here in Dog Patch baby sitting foster children, within walking distance. She passed the required CPR courses. It gives her pocket money, and gas cash, maybe sixty bucks a week or so. She recycles plastic bottles and cans. And she has and is looking for work…but isn’t bi-lingual.
    As things worked out…..with her mothers leukemia, I needed someone to look after The Other Half when I’m gone. I’m only working part time now thanks to the economy. I am seeking other sources of income. And Kiddo stepped up to the plate, cleaning house, laundry, feeding the shitheads, cats rather, and cooking for us. So I told her live here, room and board, car insurance provided…just take care of your mother…and she bakes a damn good biscuit.
    And until, and if, Mary gets better, or the Offspring finds better employment, we get by as best we can.
    I thank God I was the ant, stashing stuff and money when we were better off….even down to my having a garage freezer heavily laden with home grown veggies.
    She has learned this habit….and now she has learned why.

  29. 29
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:

    18 the new 30?? MY ASS! In the box where I sleep 18 is “you gotta do something” age. They both have been indoctrinated…. 18… its college and stay home while working your way through, or military, or plain ole get a job and get the fuck out of my house,….. Im pretty serious about this ….. the expectation has been set that at 18 they are expected to do something.

    Has worked so far… Oldest turned 18 in April, graduated HS in June, moved out in June, and started college this semester. Of course she is being subsidized to a certain degree, she’s still out there with her big girl panties on..

    She really didnt like DOG much either… that may have been a motivating factor……. I bribed DOG to pee on her pillow……

  30. 30
    Cannon Fodder says:

    I had that with my kids. My oldest was living with me and my current wife during his last years in high school. He never cared about school or learning. His only interests were and still are video games. He was barely making it through school and was told to go find a job and keep it. Zaxby’s opened in the town we were living in at the time and he lucked into a job there. He quickly lost it for constantly arguing with the night manager. Supposedly he had an agreement with the general manager that he wouldn’t work past 10p.m. Sunday through Thursday. The night manager kept telling him that he had to stay till she let him go. Of course, he constantly argued with her. I kept telling him to go talk to the general manager and ask her if she was going to keep their agreement or not. He wouldn’t do that and consequently lost that job. He could not get anything else. He needed a job because he was told that after graduation he would have to get out or have a job and pay rent. He then went and signed up with the U.S. Navy. So he was given till Jan. 29th of this year. His expected deployment to basic training. This also required him getting his diploma. At some point he thought he wasn’t going to graduate, so he decided to go to his mother’s to stay. She is a lazy worthless slob and decided to let him stay with her. Probably thinking that she would get him on SSI. He was diagnosed Schizo-effective a few years back.

    PERSISTENCE, I tried that most of my life. Applying for employment everywhere. Mostly for things that I felt I was qualified for and then some. Returned over and over to “check on my application status” as EVERYONE suggested. All that ever got me was an eventual and rather forceful, “We will keep your application and call YOU if we have something.” So, persistence isn’t always the answer. Always backfired on me!

    Now because of this multi-culti shit things are starting to get to where you have to be bi-lingual. The funny thing is that they mean, “Do you speak Spanish?” But that isn’t what bi-lingual means. What if I speak Italian or French, etc.? Am I not bi-lingual?

  31. 31
    LC hilljohnny says:

    Cannon Fodder sez:

    PERSISTENCE, I tried that most of my life. Applying for employment everywhere.

    one thing that has worked for me is after an interview i write a short note thanking the interviewer for taking the time to see me and mail it to him/her the next day. many have told me it made them stand out from other applicants because no-one else does this.

  32. 32
    anonymous hourly worker says:

    The over-20% unemployment rate in the Central Valley of California is not helping anyone. Even all of the fast-food jobs, normally filled with teenagers, are filled by adults, leaving the kids with almost no chance of even a part-time job.

    My kid keeps asking me if there are any jobs at the farming concern that I work for. There are exactly zero openings here, even on a massive farm. People come here all week long, looking for work. Everyone who has a job is busy trying to keep it.

  33. 33
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:

    Welcome to the world of employment migration….. we see a migration away from the unemployment to places that are better “managed.” (Isnt that what it really comes down to…..poor managment?)

    I think that if I lived in a area of 20% unemployment, my priority plan would be to get the hell out of that area.

  34. 34
    Ladylaw7777 says:

    The classic novel “The Grapes of Wrath” comes to mind. May be time for some folks to read (or re-read) that. If reading isn’t your thing, there’s an old movie too….

  35. 35
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:

    Yeah..cept this time around the socialists will call it something like “regional redistribution” or such nonsense……

  36. 36
    LC Staci GBOR says:

    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion sez:

    Welcome to the world of employment migration….. we see a migration away from the unemployment to places that are better “managed.” (Isnt that what it really comes down to…..poor managment?)
    I think that if I lived in a area of 20% unemployment, my priority plan would be to get the hell out of that area.

    As Americans, we should be grateful we have that opportunity and the right to pursue greatness…that is what is guaranteed to us. It is all about self worth. Period. Dot.

  37. 37
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:

    I agree completely and am grateful everyday for my opportunity…. my coment was more along the lines of it would be better if (in this case Cali) that the government didnt screw the pooch so bad with taxes and regulations and maybe the people wouldnt have to exercize the freedom of movement option.

  38. 38
    Cannon Fodder says:

    hilljohnny:

    You have to get an interview first!

  39. 39
    Cricket says:

    To a certain extent, setting the example is what can shape a child more than any lectures ever will. Next, letting the consequences take effect, thus solidifying the point can also be powerful. However, she is your daughter and you do love her. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be worried about her. Might I suggest that you reiterate the main point that she will not get a good-paying job until she is educated; and that it is easier to find someone to fill in the gaps with the low paying job? That much of what she is capable of doing not only lies with her; it is her destiny to improve and improve the lives of her children by the example she sets NOW. Hang in there, pops. She will come around.

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