Dan Rather (Than the Facts) Weeps: Please, Obamessiah, Save Us From Ourselves!

In one of the most unintentionally hilarious pieces of self-serving nonsense, the nitwit who ruined his own career by wasting weeks pushing an obviously fake document as “news” gets down on his knees and begs for the Anointed One to bail out the news as well. Not that they don’t need a bailout, their popularity ranks around the same level as SIDS and their credibility is in the neighborhood of Wrasslin’.

Former CBS News anchor Dan Rather called on President Barack Obama to form a White House commission to help save the press Tuesday night in an impassioned speech at the Aspen Institute.

“I personally encourage the president to establish a White House commission on public media,” the legendary newsman said.

Being a polyglot, we believe that what he’s looking for used to be called a “Propagandaministerium”. Which, as is always the case when neo-fascist liberals come up with a “new” idea, sounds so much better in the original German.

Such a commission on media reform, Rather said, ought to make recommendations on saving journalism jobs and creating new business models to keep news organizations alive.

Because, Heaven knows, when the traditional model of “selling stuff that people actually want to pay for” is being used, modern “journalism” is a never-ending parade of Epic Fail.

At stake, he argued, is the very survival of American democracy.

“A truly free and independent press is the red beating heart of democracy and freedom,” Rather said in an interview yesterday afternoon.

And we’d like to have one. It sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately, we haven’t had one since the “press” dropped their collective britches for Dimbulb Cah’duh and Billy Blowjob and decided that their “mission” was to serve as loyal tongue-bathers for the Royal Leftwing Testicles.

“This is not something just for journalists to be concerned about, and the loss of jobs and the loss of newspapers,

Keep it coming, Danny. We’re already smiling from ear to ear.

and the diminution of the American press’ traditional role of being the watchdog on power.

The word you’re looking for is “lapdog”, as long as the power belongs to somebody with a “D” after his name.

This is something every citizen should be concerned about.”

His Majesty is deeply concerned about that too. What in the name of Caesar Augustus favorite horse is taking so long? They’re still around, aren’t they?

Rather, who has been a working reporter for more than six decades and currently hosts “Dan Rather Reports” on HDNet,

We appreciate the update. We were wondering what “Fake-Doc-Gate” was doing these days and, not knowing any of HDNet’s four viewers personally, we had no way of finding out.

pointed out that there are precedents for such national commissions, which have been used to help other at-risk industries.

“at-risk industries” being Blather-speak for “businesses trying to sell a product that there isn’t a market for.”

Corporate and political influence on newsrooms, along with the conflation of news and entertainment, has created what Rather called “the dumbing down and sleazing up of what we see on the news.”

The removal of a clown using a document that a three-year-old would recognize as an obvious fake as “fact” was a perfect example of what he’s babbling about. With his dismissal to the Outer Rim as a result an important step was made, but we’re far from there yet.

It has also thinned the amount of investigative and international journalism.

We don’t remember any shortage of “journalists” “investigating” every single dumpster in Wasilla back in ’08 while studiously ignoring their Chosen One’s decades-long association with terrorists and racists.

The latter loss of correspondents covering America’s two foreign wars, Rather opined, is both a critical detriment to the nation and a disservice to our troops.

“Loss of correspondents?” We had embedded journalists with every unit larger than a fire team and, in most cases, even with fire teams as well.

Tears welled in the lifelong reporter’s eyes as he discussed the dwindling number of war correspondents.

Anything that makes Dan Rather (than truth)’s eyes well with tears is a Good Thing. We relish the pain and suffering oozing from that discredited, partisan hack. It is like nectar to our very soul.

Oddly enough, the “dwindling” of war correspondents seem to coincide perfectly with the turnaround in the war from “bad” to “excellent.” Funny that. That, of course, coupled with the fact that in the few areas where action continued to be hot, “journalists” suddenly developed a fondness of doing their “reporting” from the bars of five star hotels and, we assume, eventually the bar tab got to be too much for the left wing media’s remaining 12 readers to handle.

“I feel particularly strong about coverage of the wars,” he said, noting that covering the war in Afghanistan is his top priority on his HDNet program.

From his air conditioned studio, relying entirely on press releases plus a healthy dose of creative writing, we’re sure.

“No apologies, both as a journalist and as a citizen I just can’t stand to leave those guys out there, fighting, dying, bleeding, getting torn up and say, ‘Look, it’s page 14 news.’ Or ‘Sorry, not on tonight’s newscast.’ It’s an example of the problem, that and not having the watchdogs.”

“Watchdog”, in Rather parlance, meaning “somebody who rants and raves when a president with an “R” after his name is in power and slurping down the milky loads when it’s somebody with a “D” after his name.

“The free press, as established by the First Amendment to the Constitution, ought to operate as a public trust, not solely as a money-making endeavor, Rather argued,

Much in the same way as a thirteen-year-old arguing that the Fourth Amendment guarantees his “right” to not have his parents looking to see if he’s got copies of Playboy stashed under his bed.

and it’s time the government make an effort to ensure the survival of the free press.

It’d be nice if we, as a nation, could re-establish one.

If not the government, he suggested, then an organization like the Carnegie Foundation should take it on.

“Somebody, SOMEBODY GIVE US MONEY, PLEASE!”

Without action, he predicted, America will lose its independent media.

You’d have to be a complete idiot (or a Fiddy2er, but we repeat ourself) to not be able to see the inherent contradiction in simultaneously demanding a benefactor to ensure your survival and, at the same time, insisting that this would make you “independent.”

“If we do nothing more than stand back and hope that innovation alone will solve this crisis,” he said, “then our best-trained journalists will lose their jobs.”

Such as yourself?

Since it’s obvious that what you consider “our best-trained journalists” happens to coincide perfectly with what you consider yourself to be, we’d consider that a feature, not a bug.

Please continue to enjoy irrelevancy, you lying, sycophantic, immoral bastard.

And thank you for the gift of your pain. We needed that boost. We feel better already.

Peasant.

37 comments

  1. 1
    The Six says:

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. I always figured rather was a moron but this just confirms it for me. He’s actually advocating for a state run media while insisting that’s the only way to keep it independent?? Now that’s humor!

  2. 2
    LCBrendan says:

    “A truly free and independent press is the red beating heart of democracy and freedom,” Rather said in an interview yesterday afternoon.

    Says the man who is only upset because he was caught

    Honest, free, independent press?

    BWAHAHAHAH!!!

  3. 3
    LC Xystus says:

    Being a polyglot, we believe that what he’s looking for used to be called a “Propagandaministerium”.

    Richtig, mein Kaiser! Das stimmt genau!

  4. 4
    LOBO says:

    Eat shit and die Dan Blather, you fucking commie whore. I hope all of the so-call reporters loose their fucking jobs. Hell I cant even get my local weather from the Weather Channel without some type of leftist spin. ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, and ALL of the rest of them can fall over dead.

  5. 5
    LCrightismightNY says:

    I agree with almost everything you wrote in this article, but not this one point:
    >”and their credibility is in the neighborhood of Wrasslin’<".
    I think that the WWF is a fine, upstanding and legitimate enterprise as compared to the MSM's credibility. :))
    It appears that ole Danny boy's tertiary syphillis has finally manifested itself…the man is a complete, unapologetic senile old man. I wonder how many of his collegues in the MSM are wishing that Danny just hurry up and die already; he's like the two-headed, retarded incestuous offspring of their family.

  6. 6

    ‘I know a lot of our Continental Rotts (including the one’s who’ve strayed abroad) know the term Angel Feathers.

    It’s a gentle, ruffling,, terrifying noise that occurs in the heads of drug/alcohol overdosed souls as they dither between comatose and dead.

    The one’s who hear it, and come back,, are seldom ever the same person they were before.
    Most have an E. Scrooge-on-Christmas-morning moment, and can’t wait to devote what remains of their lives to heartily making amends.

    Then, there’s this guy. :em41: :em38:

    (Hells Bells is ringin’ loud for ya Dan! Your bunk’s ready!) :em03:

  7. 7
    UK Soldier says:

    In regards to LOBO’s comment @ :

    Fucking too right, mate! I just hope there’s a domino effect that will happen real soon, let all those ‘news’ agencies brown nosing Obummer fall, one after the other. God works in mysterious ways, maybe just maybe he’s on the same page as us. :em04:

  8. 8

    Waazup UK!..

    (jumps OT fence)

    Any news from The Isles? Here’s a kneeslapper,, BC needs to see it, 50 trucks idling, and idling,,,

  9. 9
    harleycowboy says:

    If you didn’t outright lie to the people that can tell a lie when they hear one you wouldn’t be in this mess crying like a little school girl.
    Your job is to present FACTS. When you quit doing that anything you say will sound like a lie from the kid that broke the lamp and in knowingly doing that you warp your mental well being until it becomes a pathological habit. Now you’re claiming that they gave you bad information. Kinda like what you’ve been giving us???? Who figured out the document was a fake? IT SURE AS HELL WASN’T YOU!!!!!! Did you admit the mistake? Hell NO.

    Go perform an anatomical impossibility upon yourself.

  10. 10
    L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter says:

    Hang on there, Gunga Dan. In February 2008 you were singing a different tune. WTF*

    “It is a fact that corporate overlords working in secret collusion with the powers in Washington are intruding far too often in far too many newsrooms,” attested the veteran reporter, who is suing CBS for benching him in 2005 in order to suck up to the White House.

    First he files suit against his employer, costing them millions and the wants to know why they are broke. Other than Rather, I can only name a few reasons. Eason Jordan, who reported from Iraq news that Saddam wanted broadcast just to keep his Baghdad office open, The New York Times reporting how to defeat body armor of or troops, Tim Russert lying about Scooter Libby, the list goes on forever. People don’t want to hear the bullshit anymore. If they can open a sealed divorce record for a Senate Candidate (Jack Ryan), you’d think a lousy $12.00 birth certificate would be easy.

    Ain’t it funny how in 2005 the media, according to Rather, was sucking up to the administration but in 2009 he wants to become indebted to them. Moron.

    *What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?

  11. 11

    That is beyond senile dementia. Dr. Kevorkian, your patient is ready 🙂 Hey Dan? You wanted this furschlugginer gummint, you got it. Say hello to Uncle Adolf.

  12. 12
    rickn8or says:

    “A truly free and independent press is the red beating heart of democracy…

    It’s a Constitutional Republic you twit. If you can’t get something simple as that right, why should we believe anything else you have to say?

  13. 13
    Draven32 says:

    WHAT?

    The media, which is only now recovering from a severe case of tennis elbow brought on by vigorously patting themselves on the back for getting Odimbulb The Empty Suit elected, is now going to tell us that the government needs to take over the “free fair and accurate” news media in order to save it from the slobbering incompetent masses exercising their right of free speech?

  14. 14
    LC Rainy says:

    Without action, he predicted, America will lose its independent media.

    I think the “independent media” is more alive than ever. With the skyrocketing ratings of Fox News, and my ability to get independent journalism every time I click on one of the blogs I read, Benjamin Franklin is smiling.

  15. 15
    LC Xealot says:

    I remember a survey done by UC Berkeley one about party membership of the press… this was like 3 or 4 years ago. But in any case, the results came out to something like 93% Democrat or “Independent Left-leaning.”

    I’m sure the 7% all worked for Fox :p.

    Now I’m not saying we should have affirmative action for the press based on party membership.. but please, you can’t pretend to be unbiased with organizations that are, on average, 93% leftist. And bear in mind where the survey results came from :p. So much for the independent media Rather claims to desire to save.

  16. 16

    L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter sez:

    If they can open a sealed divorce record for a Senate Candidate (Jack Ryan),

    And let us remind everyone that it was the jug-eared commie in the White House who was behind this…

  17. 17
    Ogrrre says:

    Such a commission on media reform, Rather said, ought to make recommendations on saving journalism jobs and creating new business models to keep news organizations alive.

    Well, Danny boy, if you want to keep journalism jobs, why not try doing actual journalism? If you report on political corruption (and you should) identify the political party of the miscreant(s) even if it is a “D” after their names.
    A new business model? Have the news departments report news in an even-handed way and report both sides of an issue. Save the editorials for the editorial page, or an editorial segment in the case of broadcast news. Even when you do editorials, do them in a Point – Counterpoint sort of way. I’d be willing to bet that if you tried this, your credibility would climb back to where they were many decades ago, and you would once again be profitable.

    “A truly free and independent press is the red beating heart of democracy and freedom,” Rather said in an interview yesterday afternoon.

    Glad you recognize this truth. So, be independent; quit being shills for the Democrat Party.
    And, if you want a “truly free” press, why are you asking the Government to bail you out? Oh! I get it: slavery = freedom, weakness = strength, and government control = independent. Gotcha.

    This is something every citizen should be concerned about.”

    And a great many citizens are concerned about it. That’s why you journaljizzers have zero credibility, zero respect, and are going tits up. Open your eyes and ask yourself why Air America failed so miserably, and why the Big 3 are tanking so badly while Fox News Channel is increasing viewership.

    pointed out that there are precedents for such national commissions, which have been used to help other at-risk industries

    Perhaps the auto industry? Where Government Motors and Chrysler have lost market share to Ford and Toyota? Is this what you want for the News industry?

    “I feel particularly strong about coverage of the wars,” he said, noting that covering the war in Afghanistan is his top priority on his HDNet program.

    Hmmm… aren’t people like Michael Yon covering the war and doing a damn fine job of it? Oh, yeah! Michael and other Milbloggers aren’t trying to paint our warriors as psycopathic murderers and rapists, not trying to portray the Islamo-barbarians as poor, misunderstood, civilized, enlightened beings being unfairly picked on by the Evil, Jooooo-controlled United States.
    How’s that “surge failed” meme working out for you, by the way?

    If not the government, he suggested, then an organization like the Carnegie Foundation should take it on.

    ‘Smatter, Danny? George Soros cut his purse strings, so now you need another Sugardaddy?

    and it’s time the government make an effort to ensure the survival of the free press.

    Would you like to explain how a government subsidized, and therefore government controlled press is going to be free?

  18. 18
    L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter says:

    Ogrrre-

    Would you like to explain how a government subsidized, and therefore government controlled press is going to be free?

    You see, the thing Gunga Dan fails to understand is the news industry relies on advertising. Advertisers want to sell stuff. People that listen to the left are people that don’t buy stuff. They want it for free. A news media that supports the idea that government is going to give away free shit ain’t going to get advertisers.

    NPR gets subsidies look where that gets them.

  19. 19
    LC hilljohnny says:

    almost ot, if you’re feeling the pinch in todays economy try our new Brothel Buffet. private enterprize strikes again. :em02:

  20. 20
    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different.... says:

    Hmmmm……….

    Sounds to me ol’ Danny Boy is angling for Walter Cronkite’s seat.

    I was visiting my sis in NC a couple of years ago, and happened to run across HDNet. I listened to his so-called report, and he has thrown any pretense of impartiality out the window. He ends his report with “I’m Dan Rather…..Courage”.

    I turned to my sister and said, “That makes as much sense as saying ‘I’m Dan Rather….Lightbulb’.”

    She almost ran off the road 😀

  21. 21
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:

    LC Rainy sez:

    I think the “independent media” is more alive than ever. With the skyrocketing ratings of Fox News, and my ability to get independent journalism every time I click on one of the blogs I read, Benjamin Franklin is smiling.

    In general I concur. The problem (for me) is that none of the current entities has my absolute confidence. It is probable that I was naive in my youth to believe the MSM could be trusted, but at one time they did enjoy a certain amount of credibility. As the “independant media” solidifys there will emerge certain sources deemed more credible than others.
    What Rather is bemoaning is a paycheck more than anything else. He’s a dishonorable FUCK who is willing to beg money from anyone.

    L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter sez:

    You see, the thing Gunga Dan fails to understand is the news industry relies on advertising. Advertisers want to sell stuff. People that listen to the left are people that don’t buy stuff. They want it for free. A news media that supports the idea that government is going to give away free shit ain’t going to get advertisers

    Yep! and that is the best way to influence the media (which has to be accomplished before anything else). I have been screaming for the past year, until we get the media to return to a more balanced delivery, we have very little chance of saving this country from it de-evolution to Socialism.

  22. 22
    LC Spare Parts says:

    Poor Dan: somebody please give him a clue.
    Hugo Chavez is looking for a new media czar. The pay ain’t much, but he can get a new binky.

  23. 23

    OT: Karma’s a bitch, eh, Chris Dodd?

    Report: Dodd Diagnosed With Prostate Cancer

    Perhaps we should all show him the same sort of sympathy that the left showed to Tony Snow…

  24. 24

    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different…. sez:

    I turned to my sister and said, “That makes as much sense as saying ‘I’m Dan Rather….Lightbulb’.”

    It would be better as, “I’m Dan Rather…DIM BULB.”

  25. 25
    LC Proud Infidel says:

    LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R., Imperial Grammar Hun sez:

    Report: Dodd Diagnosed With Prostate Cancer
    Perhaps we should all show him the same sort of sympathy that the left showed to Tony Snow…

    AAAAMEN TO THAT, ‘SKYE!!! :em04: :em03:
    Even better yet, why not sentence him to a Canadian Med system style of treatment, or Obamacare, he’ll be dropping dead before the next appointment!!
    As far as Dan Blathers, :em01: :em99: :em01: :em93: :em99: :em03: Hey, the MSM’s version of Rome is a’burnin, and I’m a fiddlin’ in between drinks!!
    Don’t we ALREADY have taxpayer-financed liberal radio and TV, can you say NPR and PBS?? If the libtardo view was truly marketable, that shit would survive in the free marketplace!! :em41: :em01: :em93:

  26. 26
    lc purple raider says:

    If they can open a sealed divorce record for a Senate Candidate (Jack Ryan),

    And let us remind everyone that it was the jug-eared commie in the White House who was behind this…

    I don’t need reminding, and I remember the Chicago Tribune’s part in it.

  27. 27
    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different.... says:

    In regards to LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R., Imperial Grammar Hun’s comment @25 :

    It would be better as, “I’m Dan Rather…DIM BULB.”

    I don’t think the sad bastard has the wattage to run a wooden leg on a snail.

    Weird analogy, I know…but I’m riding the Percocet merry-go-round right now…WHOO HOO!!!!

    :em93:

  28. 28
    L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter says:

    a goddess, only different-

    Weird analogy, I know…but I’m riding the Percocet merry-go-round right now…WHOO HOO!!!!

    Is it Friday already? I better get to the store and buy groceries! :em03:

  29. 29
    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different.... says:

    In regards to L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter’s comment @ :

    Is it Friday already? I better get to the store and buy groceries!

    Make sure you get THREE cases this time. You ran out early last time 😉

  30. 30

    Neither Julie Misanti from the Ministry of Peace or any representative of the Nightwatch would comment on this story when asked.

  31. 31
    UK Soldier says:

    In regards to LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech’s comment @ :

    Hey man, all’s mostly quiet on this end mate, however there is one thing that got my blood boiling today …. a proposed tax for driving your car to work. It could run into hundreds of pounds a year, and that doesn’t spell good news at all for my family. Got me wondering when the hell they’re going to get around taxing us for selfishly breathing air, God help us all. :em98:

    How are you anyways? Hope all’s well with you man.

  32. 32
    Draven32 says:

    Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere sez:

    Neither Julie Misanti from the Ministry of Peace or any representative of the Nightwatch would comment on this story when asked.

    Of course, Straczynski was totally convinced that Nightwatch will come from the Right.

  33. 33
    Dragineez says:

    You do realize that Dan Rather is suing CBS claiming that he was wronged and that the independent investigation that revealed his lack of journalistic ethics was flawed.

  34. 34
    Cricket says:

    Gunga Dan is in it for revenge. The government should NEVER control the press, bad as it is and is going to get.
    Misha, you nailed it, and I amused my reverse side away extremely in reading Gunga’s comments interspersed with your insights. Bloggers brought Gunga Dan down, but it wasn’t hard. He made it easy by ‘sticking to his source.’ What stupididity, as Radar would say. Excellent piece. You caused me to hiccup with laughter at least three times. Well done!

  35. 35
    Cricket says:

    At stake, he argued, is the very survival of American democracy.

    “A truly free and independent press is the red beating heart of democracy and freedom,” Rather said in an interview yesterday afternoon.–Gunga Dan

    How in the world can the press be truly free and independent when government controls it? Or has task forces and the right to sue journalists based on some arbitrarily applied set of standards? After all, if GDan said the memo was authentic, all he needed were a few more psychophants just like him on this board to ‘authenticate’ the obviously trumped up evidence. Very, very dangerous precedent.

  36. 36
    LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology says:

    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different…. sez:

    I don’t think the sad bastard has the wattage to run a wooden leg on a snail.

    Weird analogy, I know…but I’m riding the Percocet merry-go-round right now…WHOO HOO!!!! :em93:

    Perky-Setts™ Listenin’ Muzik

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