Thursday Tinfoil Hat Eschatology

We’re not even sure that we should be posting this, since we know that there’s a school of “thought” regarding blogging that says, in essence, that if you post anything, it automatically means that you wholeheartedly, unbendingly and unquestioningly endorse and agree with it. Which we don’t. We enjoy eschatology quite a bit as a speculative mind game, but we also believe the Book when it says that we will not, cannot know when the end times are coming, nor will we recognize them before it’s too late. So, if we think we’ve figured it out, it automatically means that we haven’t.

Regardless, the video below is either interesting, funny, hilarious, silly or a combination of all of the above depending on where you stand.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXMAnlMmEPw[/youtube]

Just to make sure that we weren’t being entirely hoodwinked here, we went ahead and checked the Hebrew and yes, the words for “lightning” and “height” are indeed what the video claims, although in the latter case there are quite a few Hebrew words to choose from, only one of which agrees with the premise of the video.

That being said, we’ll immediately go to work arguing with ourself, the authors of the video and anybody else. Voices in your head can be quite helpful at times.

As mentioned above, according to our beliefs we can’t know who the Anti-Christ is, because if we think we do, then he isn’t. Besides, the Anti-Christ is supposed to be overwhelmingly charismatic, everything to everybody and able to get anything he wants done immediately since everybody will agree with him. Even if you look at the most notoriously Obambi-skewed polls these days, that is clearly not the case with King Hussein. On the other hand, and this is where it gets really confusing (and it’s a reason why eschatology should only be done while drunk so that you may blame the ensuing headache on your hangovers the next day, not to mention that you’ll have forgotten any “conclusions” you’ve reached) this evidence that he is not could be said to be evidence that he is.

Ow.

Then there is the matter of his name. Obviously, his name is Arabic which, in turn, is a Semitic language which, in turn, means that it’s related to Aramaic/Hebrew. And it’s really not such a stretch to imagine somebody naming their son “flash of light”. Did those of you named “Peter” know that your name means “rock?” (or our own name, which means “who is like G-d” which definitely is a stretch).

As to “height” well, as we mentioned, there are a lot of Aramaic/Hebrew words for that, depending on the meaning. We’d have to have been there when the words were spoken to know which one was used.

We just realized that we’d have had a lot more fun writing this if we’d been drunk.

So, have fun, consider this post a thread to bandy around your favorite eschatological speculations. Since it deals with the unknowable, anything goes, nothing is any more or less silly than what everybody else is saying.

Thatisall.

39 comments

  1. 1
    LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion says:

    I have nothing pertinent to say other than……

    FOIST!

  2. 2
    AyUaxe says:

    BINGO!

    You know this is one time the tinfoil hats and dental fillings are perfectly tuned to the cosmic frequency of truth. Of course no one would think twice about naming a mooseslime “lightning from on high”–that sounds just great, particularly if it’s satan you’re worshipping, in place of God, as mooseslimes do.

    Wouldn’t we all be super-surprised if it turned out that there really is no birth certificate and that DGN was, in fact, not born, but fell to earth after being ejaculated from the depths of hell. The revelation will be, though, that he was not ejected from hell to go forth and rule on earth for satan, but because the demons couldn’t stand his wimpy, whiney, bs down there, either.

  3. 3
    Ogrrre says:

    Paul said that even in his time there were “many anti-Christs”. The Marxist Mulatto is only the latest, and certainly not the greatest.

  4. 4
    MaxMomFl says:

    I wish that guy didn’t say “I report. You decide.” It creates a false association with Fox News and they have enough problems with foaming mouthed lefties hating on them.

    As for the subject matter; I agree with Ogrrre. Obama is just one of many “anti-Christs”. I don’t know if we have (in the western version of Christianity) the idea of “anti-Christ” correct. End times prophecy is a sticky wicket.

    Bottom line for me… he is “Against Christ” and therefore should be resisted as if he were the ultimate Beast, regardless of his actual pedigree.

  5. 5
    Cheryl says:

    Good observations, Ogrrre and AyUaxe. And many thanks to His Wise and Beneficient Awfulness, The Emperor Misha, for the video.

    This latest “anti-Christ” is not only whiney and wimpy, he is now a lame duck who will not stop quacking. Not even any “Sound and Fury.” What a disappointment! I do hope for the day he is sent back to Chicago to resume shaking down dry cleaning establishments and mom and pop convenience stores, or whatever it is that :em72: community organizers :em72: do and leave the rest of us the hell alone to continue the rest of our lives as we see fit, without the benefit of “end of life counselling.” :em01: :em99:

  6. 6
    JonB says:

    Video seems a lot to me like they found words that closely matched his name, and then went looking in the bible for places they were used, then put a story together about it.

  7. 7

    All I know is that I don’t want to see what happens if you speak ol’ ‘Flash of Light’s’ name through a Weirding Module.

    – MuscleDaddy

  8. 8
    JonB says:

    DJ, when you are cast into hell, I’m going to point and laugh.

  9. 9
    LC Gunsniper says:

    Personally, I find a good conspiracy theory entertaining. This isn’t one of those.

    Whatever moron put that video together should stick to torturing Nostradamus quatrains. :em72:

  10. 10
    LC Anniee451 says:

    I largely agree with you on eschatology, Misha – that is, I don’t know if our eschatologies match but it’s not something to get up in arms about for sure. Save it for the drinking binges is good advice.

    One thing about the ultimate Beast I always keep in mind, so that I can know who he **isn’t** is that he will be able to do actual, verifiable miracles. This is how I know someone like Benny Hinn is not the Beast (though he may be possessed) – no real miracles going on. Being very charismatic and getting seemingly impossible things accomplished does not count as a miracle because Hitler and many other leaders have done the same without being the Beast – we’re talking old-school “miracle” stuff, the real thing. So Obama can’t be the beast of revelation but as others have pointed out he’s certainly anti-Christ anyway – one of many. And therefore to be resisted with heart.

    I have not concluded whether this guy is more stupid than genuinely evil, but I’m also coming to see that I probably have to rethink my position on stupid versus evil. I didn’t think they could coexist on any great level – but I’m beginning to think maybe they can. Maybe a stupid, evil person can truly do global-scale damage after all.

  11. 11
    sig94 says:

    Interesting, but it’s a bit of a reach.

    Lightning is found nine times in the Old Testament. Five times the word is ??? bä·räk’
    1) lightning
    a) lightnings, lightning flashes
    b) of flashing arrow-head (fig.)

    The other words for lightning are
    ???? khä·z?z’
    1) thunderbolt, lightning flash, lightning, storm, cloud

    ??? ore
    1) light, a) light of day, b) light of heavenly luminaries (moon, sun, stars), c) day-break, dawn, morning light, d) daylight, e) lightning, f) light of lamp, g) light of life, h) light of prosperity, i) light of instruction, j) light of Face (fig.), k) Jehovah as Israel’s light

    and
    ??? bä·zäk’
    1) lightning, lightning flash

    Luke 10:18
    And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.
    From the actual text:
    ??????? – astrap? (ä-strä-p?’) is lightning and

    ??????? – ouranos (ü-rä-no’s) is heaven.

    Ur anus. Hmmmmmmm. Something came flying out of ur anus.

    Mebbe there IS something to this!!!
    :em93:

  12. 12

    LC Gunsniper sez:

    Personally, I find a good conspiracy theory entertaining. This isn’t one of those.

    Whatever moron put that video together should stick to torturing Nostradamus quatrains. :em72:

    yeah, reminds me of some of the nonsense Larry Klayman pulled during the clintoon years…..this was pretty entertaining but nothing to be taken seriously.

  13. 13
    sig94 says:

    That is a reaaaaaal stretch. In the KJV, the word “lightning” is found nine times in the Old Testament. Five of those instances use the word
    baraq, pronunciation bä·räk’ .

    The other words used are
    chaziyz, pronunciation khä·z?z’;

    ‘owr , pronunciation ore; and

    bazaq pronunciation bä·zäk’ .

    Any of them can be used since the words of Jesus come down to us in Greek, not Hebrew.

    The words of Jesus in Luke 10:18 are:
    And he said unto them , I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.

    The Greek word for heaven here is ouranos, pronounced ü-rä-no’s. Ur annos? Your anus? Wow. Mebbe there is something here!

    Note: The Rotti text editor can’t handle Greek or Hebrew characters.

  14. 14
    anonymous hourly worker says:

    He’s too much of an idiot to be the Antichrist.

  15. 15

    well when in doubt, I go to the urban dictionary:

    Bar: The small “bar” of skin at the base of the head of an uncircumcised penis which joins the circumference of the foreskin with the main shaft of the organ. Under extreme circumstances, this bar can become “torn”.
    Ak: Very potent strain of pot.

    O: Slang for an “ounce”, in reference to drugs.
    Bama: 1. Original meaning was “can’t dress well” or “fashion misfit”
    2. Now the word has a more general use meaning “person”, as how Whites use “Dude”

    so piece it all together and we have a ” prick who can’t dress well in de white house who has an ounce of reeealllly goooood sheeeyit….”

    any questions???

  16. 16

    Still wouldn’t say it through a weirding module…

  17. 17
    Elephant Man says:

    How long is it going to be before one of you Birthers make the link that there is “no record” of the birth of Barack Obama “lightning falling from heaven” and this revelation that Obama might actually be Satan in human form to destroy the followers of all the Abrahamic religions?

    Y’know, I hadn’t thought of that.

    Thanks! :em02:

    At any rate, I wouldn’t think of Obama as Satan.

    The “black” Little Nicky maybe…… :em01:

  18. 18

    It would be a shame if your resident Adventist failed to chip in his nine cents (adjusted for inflation).

    I invite you to consider that rather than obsess over the mysterious identity of the Antichrist, who I suspect will only be obvious once he shows up and gets to work. It’s a bit confusing sometimes since the false prophet, antichrist, beast (there are two, actually) in Revelation appear to represent different but cooperating entities.
    Consider instead who is the false prophet.

    Much, much easier.
    There have obviously been many false prophets, but if there is one “THE” false prophet, one can guess some characteristics.
    1. Being “THE” false prophet to be distinguished from other lesser false prophets, he would have many followers, more than any other false prophet.
    2. His own followers, of which there would be many, would obviously believe he is a true prophet, and probably call him something as straightforward as “The Prophet”.

    The name “Muhammad” comes to mind for some reason.

    Consider also that his followers have had their eyes on Rome for over a millennium, and that if they ever were to be in a position to do so, they might try to lay claim to what they perceive to be the seat of Christianity on Earth and force the Pope (I don’t suspect that most Muslims fully comprehend the separation between Protestants and Catholics) to formally acknowledge Islamic supremacy and lead the Western world into dhimmitude.

    I doubt seriously that Benedict XVI would do this. But a scenario is not entirely unimaginable in which he could be assassinated by a group of terrorists with enough reach to issue a credible standing threat to the cardinals as they deliberate on appointing a successor. There is a moonbat bloc in every church, and in some they grow dominant, that is a fact. The consequential events would be spun in our corner of the world as a great new leap in interfaith dialogue, while they would celebrate it as surrender. A number of misguided Christians in the West might be tempted to try to make a display of piety to impress the Muslims and get them off our backs — perhaps impose our own Shariah-like system, which one might be tempted to describe as making an image to the beast.

    Of course I could be pulling most of this out of my ass, I’m only an Apocryphal Prophet, after all.

  19. 19
    Elephant Man says:

    OT but:

    The Obama beer drinkin’ “teachable moment” has finally arrived! Drink up guys! :em03:

    Obama says it’s a beer, not a summit

  20. 20
    LC Spare Parts says:

    When this world does end and DJ doesn’t qualify for admission to them thar parts as altruists make lousy sinners, what will The Almighty do for amusement? FYI: Michael is spending his break in period with the pinochle players and is really put out since he thought it was like playing ‘doctor’.

  21. 21
  22. 22
    Ten-Ten says:

    Weak.
    This guy must have a degree in reverse engineering.

  23. 23
    Redneck_Intellectual says:

    I don’t think he is the Anti-Christ, I just think he is a dumbass who hates America and wants to make Richard Daley da Turd emperor of the world. But that’s just my opinion.

  24. 24
    LC Fmwoods01 says:

    In regards to LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician’s comment @ :
    That second video is much better conspiracy fodder! I was in Illinois on Nov 5 and can vouch for the lottery numbers.

    D’

  25. 25
    LC Fei Long says:

    The video lost me at “Aramaic, which is the most ancient form of Hebrew.”

    It’s not even a form of Hebrew, and is certainly not as ancient.

  26. 26
    M167A1 says:

    Ralph….

    The anti-Christ is Ralph and he works in HR. :em02:

  27. 27
    Templar_Knight says:

    Ol’ zeroman is too stupid to be the antichrist. I bet satan is offended people would even suggest such a thing.

  28. 28
  29. 29
    harleycowboy says:

    Hitler was evil and politicaly smart. Thinking he could conquer the modern world..stupid. Thinking that a whole class of people could be eliminated and nobody would find out….stupid. So evil and stupid can co-exist.

    Obama thinking he can outdrink a cop……HA HA HA HA HA HA :em38:

  30. 30
    Draven32 says:

    LC MuscleDaddy sez:

    All I know is that I don’t want to see what happens if you speak ol’ ‘Flash of Light’s’ name through a Weirding Module.
    – MuscleDaddy

    The economy implodes.

  31. 31
    dasbow says:

    You posted this after noon and you weren’t drunk? Gotta say, I’m a bit embarrassed for ya.

  32. 32
    LC NCLivingBrit says:

    LC MuscleDaddy sez:

    All I know is that I don’t want to see what happens if you speak ol’ ‘Flash of Light’s’ name through a Weirding Module.
    – MuscleDaddy

    His name is a Taxing word!

  33. 33
    Godismyjudge says:

    This kind of guesswork is rather useless since no one will know who the “Antichrist” until he is revealed after Russia and Iran move against Israel at some point in the near (?) future. It is at this point that Scriptures tell us that Israel realizes that it needs a new benefactor to protect them. Evidently the US will no longer be willing or able to stand by Israel.

    Ironically, the Bampster is just the kind of political leader that has to be around to take actions that are necessary to make the rise of the “Antichrist” possible.

    Here is an explanation of why Obama is not the Antichrist.

    BTW, DJ, the term “Birther” makes zero sense given that it implies that there is some ridiculous and false notion floating around that Obama is hiding his vital statistics documents (original Certificate of Live Birth, passports, college information, etc.) – which is OBVIOUSLY the case. Unless you, DJ believe that the Bampster actually HAS released these things then you are, by your own usage, a “Birther” as well.

  34. 34

    Godismyjudge sez:

    Ironically, the Bampster is just the kind of political leader that has to be around to take actions that are necessary to make the rise of the “Antichrist” possible.

    Perhaps THAT is his handler, to set up the scenario for his appearance? Stuff has got to get really nasty before the “true savior of mankind” can appear.

  35. 35
    BigDogg says:

    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician sez:

    Perhaps THAT is his handler, to set up the scenario for his appearance? Stuff has got to get really nasty before the “true savior of mankind” can appear.

    Keeping with the original subject matter of this thread, try looking up what “Rahm” and “Emanuel” mean in Hebrew.

  36. 36

    BigDogg sez:

    Keeping with the original subject matter of this thread, try looking up what “Rahm” and “Emanuel” mean in Hebrew.

    Servant of Satan?

  37. 37
    LC Anniee451 says:

    Well Emanuel means “God with Us” (Jesus is called Emanuel) but what does Rahm mean? I didn’t know it meant anything.

  38. 38
    LC Anniee451 says:

    Wiki Answers says it means high or exalted.

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