You Might Want to Reconsider That One, Mullahs
From LC Brit_Student who is now safely with us in the Empire, at least for a while. If anybody around San Diego knows of a way to make him stay and yes, kidnapping is definitely an option, we need all the good men we can get, please don’t hesitate to let us know.
The Mad Mullahs of Tehran are just so intent on stirring up shit with us that they can’t stand it, aren’t they?
TEHRAN (Reuters) – Iran has seized three Royal Navy boats, which it said entered its waters near the Iraqi border, and arrested eight British crew.
Well, this is the time to pay the Brits back for their staunch and loyal support throughout the war, Mr. President, so hide your waffle iron, lock Colon Bowel up in his sorority so he can play with his Shari’ah Barbies©, and tell the Turbaned Tumblefucks of Tehran? that they’ve got, say, 48 hours to release our allies unharmed or there’ll be a lot of unpleasant and loud noises suddenly shattering the nocturnal quiescence of the Islamist Republic.
Now’s not the time to go wobbly on us, Dubya.
And before anybody cute pipes up with “why should we go to war for them?”, I’d like to say the following:
THEY sure as Hell went to war for US, didn’t they?
While Tehran was deeply opposed to the U.S.-led war and occupation of Iraq, there has been little direct conflict up to now between the Shi’ite Muslim state and foreign forces along its western border.
Other than heavy traffic of terrorists going back and forth, but we don’t talk about that, now do we?
The incident is likely to place further strain on Tehran’s ties with London…
Gee, ya think? We truly missed a golden opportunity to keep our Imperial Brains in pristine condition and still make a living when we didn’t choose journalism as a career.
…which last week joined other European nations in condemning Iran for being less than fully cooperative with inspectors from the U.N.’s nuclear watchdog.
Watchpoodle, more like, because it sure doesn’t seem to have made much of an impression on the Islamist Pigfuckers of Tehran.
“This morning three British vessels with eight crew entered the Islamic Republic of Iran’s waters and Iran’s naval forces, acting on their legal duty, confiscated the vessels and arrested the crew,” Foreign Ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi said in a statement on Monday.
The Iranian fleet just tripled its size as a result.
You want to hear about our legal duties towards our allies, Hamid? You want to hear about what we have to do if a courteous request from us doesn’t suffice? Do you want to die, you cave-dwelling goat molester? It can be arranged, you know, very quickly and there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop us.
“The crew are under investigation in order to clarify the issue,” he added.
Here’s a suggestion: Speed up your “investigation” and make doubly damn sure that there’s not as much as a bruise on our Brit allies when they get back from their visit with you.
Because if you don’t, you’ll find that your Allah ain’t all that Akhbar after all. Just ask Sod’em.
The British Ministry of Defence later confirmed the incident.“We can confirm that eight Royal Navy personnel from the Royal Navy training team based in southern Iraq have been detained by the Iranian authorities while delivering a boat from Umm Qsar to Basra,” it said in a statement.
Tehran gave no indication of when or whether the British ships and crew might be released.
Tick… tock… tick… tock…
You DO realize that we can deliver a warhead of our choosing at any time, anywhere on the planet, don’t you? Look up, O follower of Mohammed the Pederast. No, you can’t see it, but it’s there. The Hammer of G-d (with a little help from American Engineering), just itching to blow the turban off of your sloping forehead and crush your skull like a grape.
You live and breathe only because we let you. Never forget that.
The incident involving OPEC’s second largest producer added to jitters on world oil markets, already unnerved by Islamic militant attacks on foreigners in Saudi Arabia and pipeline attacks in Iraq. Prices of gold, seen as a safe haven in times of instability, rose slightly on the news.Iran state media said the incident took place in the narrow Shatt al-Arab waterway which separates southwestern Iran from Iraq.
And we all know how creative the sand nits get when it comes to defining just which part of that pool of tepid water belongs to who, don’t we?
TERRITORIAL INTEGRITYThe Ministry of Defence said Britain had small naval ships there helping to train Iraqi police.
“We are not talking about ships, we are not talking about warships, we are talking about small river patrol vessels,” a spokesman said.
Well, we can’t really blame the Mad Mullahs for being skeered of that, considering the size and quality of their own fleet. What they fail to understand, however, is that that’s the least of their problems if they continue to mess with the bull.
That bull has some damn big horns.
A British diplomat in Tehran said the government was in close contact with Iranian authorities in Tehran and London.Iran’s state television said maps and weapons carried on the vessels were confiscated.
…and will promptly be delivered back ASAP, unless the goat herders want to receive a real weapons “shipment”.
Revolutionary Guards spokesman Massoud Jazaeri told Reuters Iran was determined to defend its territorial integrity.
To the last turban, we suppose? Just like everybody else in the region who’ve had their asses handed to them on a platter by anybody who actually knows how to fight enemies not consisting entirely of women, seniors and children?
Well, we’ve been talking an awful lot about how we owe the Brits for sticking with us through thick and thin. Now’s a perfect time to show that we mean it.
Just make sure, as we said, to lock up Colon and his Merry Minstrels of Foggy Bottom first. We wouldn’t want the children to get frightened, after all.
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35 Comments »
With all due respect Emperor, we’re fresh out of men to send over there. I’d say were tapped out for the time being. The only solution besides a diplomatic one is a big bomb and I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to happen. I hope they are scared enough to release on threat alone – although I do weary of trying to compromise with the most intolerant peoples on Earth, well besides my grandma anyways.
I’ve always felt Iran should have been “liberated” first, but problem is, they’re not Arabs, they are Persians. Currently, the Arab World is causing us a mite more trouble, although I do believe the Iranians will have nuclear capability soon if not already. They won’t hesitate to use it, not the people of course, but you are well aware of that whole situation. I have a lot Persian friends who intend to move back when it is a democracy. Seems like they’ll be waiting awhile, no?
Something seriously fishy up in Iran at the moment guys. First they say “to hell with the IAEA, were going to have our nukes.” Then they station troops on thier borders, now this…hmmmm.
I wonder if the mad mullahs are going to try to push into Iraq. They would be nuts if they did, but something tells me, they never were working with a full load in the first place.
When listing their little acts of aggression, don’t forget their massing of troops on the Iraq border. And do they REALLY think we’ve forgiven them about the hostage fiasco? Sure its been over 20 years, but its about time for payback. Yep, Iran’s been asking for it with their tough walk, and stuff, but now with this, the bombs need to start dropping soon.
In a semi-related issue, Bush’s action, if he takes one, will likely push his poll numbers way up, because his current lack of force is killing his numbers.
I can’t say it better than the Emporer so I’ll paraphrase, they went to war for US, its time to repay the favor.
Who said anything about men, Melissa?
Attitude readjustment tools come in many shapes and sizes, and we do have a remarkable arsenal of things that can make stuff break in rather spectacular fashions at any point and time of our choosing.
We don’t need to invade and conquer Iran to teach the Mullahs a lesson that they’ll not soon forget, as a matter of fact the brave Iranian people have shown us more than a few times that all they need is a few nudges and the whole rotten house of cards will come tumbling down.
Besides, before more of you start talking about how we’re “stretched beyond our means”, consider this:
Doesn’t it seem a little silly for us, the world’s sole hyperpower, to try to weasel out of our commitments and obligations to our allies using that excuse when the fact remains that they rallied around our colors with practically no forces at all at their disposal?
Do we really want to tell, say, Bulgaria, that we can’t really help because we’re “stretched too thin?”
Perfect timing for a renewal of the ‘Reagan Doctrine’ and increased Freedom of Navigation Operations. Mr. Blair and Mr. Bush can call it an international tribute to Sir Ronald and Lady Thatcher. I suggest ‘Operation Iron Cowboy’.
If the Ayatollahs have any questions about how these work they should feel free to make a call to Col. Qaddafi, unless perhaps his son is available for direct consultation from his current posting in the 7th level of Hell.
The last thing the Iranians want is a flotilla of SBU patrolling the river. Those boys may talk funny but they are straight up hard-core come crunch time. And do the Iranians really want the ‘USS Ronald Reagan’ sitting off their coast at 12 miles – 1 inch? The symbolism would not be lost on even their most ardent propgandist I am certain…
Besides, we already have half the Navy over there anyway. If they want a naval battle, I’m sure a carrier battle group (maybe the USS Ronald Reagan?) would suffice to eliminate their
Navynavy.With all due respect Emperor, we’re fresh out of men to send over there.
Lets see we got troops in Iraq and Afghanistan both of which border Iran. Sounds like enough troops for me.
I just heard a news report from the UK at 1:30 AM Dallas time that Iran is going to prosecute the eight British sailors they captured.
Perhaps they’re trying to test us. Maybe they’re demanding a quid pro quo in order to send the guys back. I hope we don’t cave in. It wouldn’t suprise me if we did, though.
Melissa we don’t need to send troops, as others pointed out, we can put some of our really big and nasty ships near the Iranian shores. Then ask politely for the ships to be returned. If the ships and men are not returned then we start a blockcade no ships out, no ships in. It will do wounders for thier economy.
Your support for my country is welcome as always, Emperor. Together, we shall prevail. For all the cr*p that comes out of Europe, please be assured that you will always have allies in the UK.
Emperor,
You said the “Iranian fleet just tripled its size” after it captured three boats
that could only mean their fleet started off with one and a HALF ships :-p
I guess that makes me your Imperial Minister of Math
(unless you meant they had one ship and a dinghy that counts as half a ship)
I think you may be onto something here. They seem bound and determine to provoke an international incident here. Hmmm…
Didn’t the Argentinian government try something like this a few years back, when they were in trouble and going down the tubes. Get the people to rally around the nation by reclaiming the Falklands? Didn’t work to good for them did it.
Besides, I kinda suspect that those troops on the border are just a few nut cases. The rest of them don’t like the mullahs and don’t want to die, and know just how good the US and Brits are. So I don’t think this is a tactic that will work.
They probably think the “Hidden Imam” (Shiite of King Arthur/Jesus, more or less) will protect them from bombs and missiles. We can’t predict what they’ll do. Except that it’ll be stupid. And futile. And suicidal. And fun for us. Bring on the Great Persian Turkey Shoot.
Crap. Insert the word “equivilent” after Shiite above.
Read twice, post once. Read twice, post once…
I wonder if the Iranians ever heard of an Argie battleship named “General Belgrano”?
The only way you can see it is from a glass bottom boat.
Time for some safety insections of Iranian ships wherever they are, with sequestering of suspicious cargos, heavy ASW activity off all Irani ports, and intensive mine sweeping that requires closing of suspect areas to navigation until the risk is assessed and removed.
In other words, make it difficult for them to do more than wade out in the surf until they let the boats and crews loose.
We just need to drop some big-assed bombs on them, then ask them to release the boats and crew. Shoot first, then ask questions later.
Steve, something along the lines of dropping a few MOABs as Pres. Bush is on the phone with their Pres telling him “Hey, seize this!”?
Hey ya’ll, actually a very SMART move by Iran, check out NRO’s take:
“Yes, they’re crazy, no doubt. But they’re not stupid. And if an Iranian action seems stupid, you’re probably misinterpreting it. There’s a perfectly straightforward explanation for the whole episode: The Brits were laying down a network of sensors to detect the movement of ships toward major Iraqi oil terminals. The Iranians considered that a bit of a threat. So they attacked.
And why, you might ask, did the Iranians feel threatened?
Because they were planning to attack (or have their surrogates attack) the oil terminals, silly.
And why attack the oil terminals?
Because they want to defeat President Bush in November, and they figure if they can get the price of oil up to around $60 a barrel, he’ll lose to Kerry.”
Maybe the Mad Mullahs realize that they have a Zaroaster tiger by the tail and want to let loose without getting mauled too badly. What to do …
How about getting the US and Britain to take over the country!? They don’t execute former leaders! Heck, they don’t even rough ‘em up a little. The Mullahs get safely removed from the non-Muslim majority Iran, are welcomed by the rest of the Muslim world as heroes, and the Great Satan gets all the blame and picks up the tab, to boot. What a plan!
Now, if they can only keep Tully Bascomb from winning the darn war …
Special Ed
Man up, W.
Let’s roll.
Might I suggest another alternative?
Unlike Iraq under Hussein, Iran has a significant movement opposed to the government.
What about a few Special Forces teams, sprinkled liberally throughout the batter? That should kick things up a notch.
BAM!
I thought molesting another country’s navy was an immediate invitation to war…
What happened to us and the Brits?
Why are we so pussified?
Bomb them until they put those guys back in their boats with a sincere apology.
Why not pull an end around on ALL of them? Britian is a member of the EU, right? Arent’t the EU members supposed to assist each other in matters of defense and security? Why not have Britian ask the EU to back up its committment to EU members by a show of force against Iran? (Gotta wait a sec here for the tears of laughter to subside)
The EU (led by the ever (un)reliable France is gonns backpedal and waffle all over the place. So who is going to step in? Right, the good old US. The world gets to see what a pack of craven jackals is leading(?) the EU and the US looks good by backing it’s #1 ally. A leasson to be learned by any country trying to decide who to suck up to for economic or defense support.
Then we treat the Mullahs to the joys of precision B52 raids for several days. If we target the Mullahs and their supporters, that will make it easier for the internal resistance movement to finish the job.
Personally, I believe this is a move by the mullahs to have an excuse to declare martial law and seal off the country so they can deal with the resistance movement in secret. Anyone who does not completely and blindly support the mullahs will be branded traitors.
Well, I seem to remember a few years ago, before we found ourselves in a war against Islamonazis, we caved into the Chinese over an act of air piracy. Granted, China has nukes and the means to deliver them, ( thanks, Bill ) but why we didn’t quarentine that island and destroy anything coming in or out until the plane and crew were returned is beyond me. Every time we cave into totalitarian entities, be they nations or terrorist groups, it encourages all the others. This is why history is so import. So color me unsuprised.
ummmm….might want to check this one out and verify if any of this is truth
http://www.geostrategy-direct.com/geostrategy%2Ddirect/
Please..please, read the rest of my post. I am not advocating abandoning our allies, we need to do something, and fast. I am well aware of the region and the situation over there. I understand we have plenty of bombs. Even though sometimes I feel like that is the solution, I know that we will have lost ourselves if we resort to that, then we are no better. Please read what Mohammed said about Paul M. Johnson in his 6/20/04 post.
I think this is a very good idea. We are not prepared to take on Iran right now, unless of course you mean to completely destroy it. We can do that, yes.
We would be flanked, then it would be even harder to use bombs as a weapon because we would run the risk of hitting our own men.
We tried that once and they declared Shah Reza a “puppet”. Their response is why they are currently under the Mullahs. I thought Reza was a good leader, even though he competed with us regarding OPEC. Shame France saved the Ayotollah for later. We owed Reza more than he got – damn Carter. His son Reza still lives here and hopefully, if this experiment works, no, when it works, he is well qualified to participate in their new government.
I thought Reza was a good leader
Most Iranians seem to think so, too. Even the kids born well after the revolution who have studied their history (wow, imagine if American kids did that) openly admit that while things could have been a lot better, they got decidedly worse thanks to the mad mullahs. And what do the ones who participated in the revolution think now?
“At least under the Shah, women had rights! Of course, that’s probably what pissed off Khomeni in the first place…”
“The Mouse That Roared” comes to mind…
At least we’ll be alive.
Besides, we’re not instigating, we’re responding, which makes us infinitely better no matter what we do.
Wouldn’t this internation “incident” be considered a declaration of war? I mean if the japanese in WWII had gone to Hawaii and seized some of our ships, wouldn’t that have led to war as much as bombing them?
you’d think history would teach people that it’s not good to fark with the British Navy. They seem to take some pride in it.
Just heard on the news that the iranians are letting them go if they ‘apologize’.
I would loved to have listened in on the phone call from the Brits to them that changed their minds.
ring ring…
ring ring…
“Hello allakkkk akkkkbur.”
“Yeah, hi, this is, uh, George and Tony”
“yes American swine, what ar you wanting today, please?”
“Yeah, uh, those 3 boats and the guys on them, um yeah, if you don’t uh, send them home like NOW, you’ll wish you’d be found in a spiderhole. After what the SAS is gonna do and all…. Hello?”
“yes, I am speaking to you from my palace.”
“Yeah, we know. There’s a 50 caliber rifle aimed at your head right now. Ugly tie by the way. Listen, are we going to have to fuck you up or what?”
“your people will be home by tomorrow. thank you come again!”
RFLMAO, Randy!
True. True. I am a believer though. Therefore, without my soul, I might as well be dead. That is all I want to say about it really. I am very pleased that Iran is giving back the men and ships. That is a wise decision on their part.
Ditto.
But I don’t fear for my soul over replying in kind to savages. If I were the one starting it I would.
And ultimately, even if I have got it all wrong and my soul is in immortal danger, if it saves a million lives to give up my one soul, then I have only one thing to say:
Pass me the button.