Posted by: LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. 7:20 pm
The exact opposite of Murthafucker, LC & IB Major Bryan is up and running from A-stan and has his first post up. He told me in an e-mail that 20 hour days isn’t real conducive to active blogging. I would call him a pussy, but I ain’t one to talk to lately
In any case, he’s hoping to do one or two posts a week, and knowing the good Major as I do, they should be very insightful. If any of ya’ll read him on a regular basis prior to his latest deployment, be sure to check back in with him again.
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Posted by: LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. 6:10 pm
He once wore the same uniform I did. And he betrayed that uniform, besmirching the honor of my beloved Corps. For that, and for that alone I wouldn’t piss on his grave. For his family, who knew him as something other than a boil on the ass of a shitbird maggot, I feel sorrow for, and offer my condolences. For the Haditha Marines he slandered, and for the veterans of the Long War he defamed, and for the honor of my Corps; may he roast in hell. Good riddance, may the world forget you ever claimed the title United States Marine.

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Posted by: LC Mrs. M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper 2:27 pm
Just read that Maddog Mutha Murtha has passed on. In the interest of trying (REALLY trying) to be civil….
Oh hell….another bastard bites the dust. At this rate we’ll have Congress cleaned out by Christmas.
UPDATE [Emp. Misha] Beat me to it, Mrs M. And so an illustrious career in corruption, bribe-taking, treason and robbing the taxpayers blind comes to an end. A long overdue end, we might add.
We’d try to come up with something neutral to say, but after Haditha… Nope, just ain’t got it in us.
Roast in Pieces, you rotten, slanderous, treasonous, corrupt, skin-bag’s worth of feces. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t she?
We will acknowledge one undeniable achievement of yours, EX Marine.
There, acknowledged.
Now dump that sack of shit into an unmarked grave. The cadaver is already beginning to stink up the neighborhood.
Thatisall.
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Posted by: Emperor Misha I 3:51 pm
I know all of you peasants are currently getting ready for the SuperBowl and there’s nothing wrong with that. So am I.
But it’s Sunday, so for those who are thusly inclined, I offer the most beautiful, in my opinion, rendition of Schubert’s “Ave Maria”
We are all in the hands of G-d, and in these troubled times, turning to Him for comfort… It’ll all be alright.
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Posted by: Emperor Misha I 1:38 pm
This time, the one about the poor woman who died of cancer “because of lack of insurance” who wanted to be buried in her Ogabe T-Shirt. The woman that he couldn’t remember the name of as he pulled her out of her grave to use her as a prop in his own personal “Look How Awesome I Am” show.
Yep, that one was a lie too. (h/t DPUD).
Turns out she was insured. She just made the bad decision to use the money she would need to cover the deductible for investing in her own business instead. By the time she realized she was sick, the money was gone.
No, we are not going to dance upon this poor unfortunate woman’s grave because, as they say: There but for the Grace of G-d… Sure, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight it’s all too easy to say “why didn’t you go to the doctor sooner?”, “why didn’t you keep enough money in savings to cover your deductible, just in case?” and yada yada yada. What if she wasn’t sick then? What if there was no lump back then? She was in her mid-thirties when that vile and yes, evil disease started growing in her. How many of us can state, truthfully, that we didn’t feel, at that age, that there was no need for us to worry about things such as cancer?
Truthfully, now.
His Imperial Majesty feels for this woman and her loved ones, and her untimely death adds to the list of reasons why we hate cancer more than any other disease known to mankind. It strikes randomly, and it strikes cowardly, many times without announcing its presence until it is too late. Too many good people have died way ahead of their time because of it.
But her death wasn’t the fault of “Big Evil Insurance”, it wasn’t the fault of “people being unable to get coverage” because she was insured.
And her death certainly wasn’t deserving of being used as a stage prop in King Narcissus’ “Love Me” Show.
He’s a disgusting liar, sociopath and malignant narcissist, and the sooner he is shuffled out of office the better.
Not only is he dangerous to our nation, he’s a bloody disgrace to our nation.
Thatisall.
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Posted by: Emperor Misha I 1:27 am
But really, Almighty Father, we never expected you to crank it up to eleven. However, even though we are the Ruler of All the Universe and Outlying Counties, Defender of the Clue, Wielder of the ClueBat of Doom etc. etc., we are still supremely grateful to You for having blessed us so much in that respect.
You all remember the impeccably credited and widely respected climatologist railroad engineer Rajendra Pachauri who happens to be the head of the Useless Nitwits’ Ponzi Division, aka the IPCC, and you remember him because our very own Imperial Torturer has written ever so eloquently about him and his multi-million dollar grant scam based on some assclown’s decades old idle speculation and extrapolation about what might happen to the glaciers of the Himalayas (which are still very much there, we might add) has since, in true U.N. fashion, turned into “scientific concensus” with not a question asked. You may also know that the author of said idle speculation, one Syed Hasnain, since became hired by Rajendra “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” Pachauri and paid by the funds that Mr. “Get the Trains to Run on Time” scammed off of a gullible public. If not, here’s a summary.
We’re sure it’s all pure coincidence.
Anyway, Dr. Railroad Pachauri, now that his scam has been exposed, has done us all the favor of refusing to resign in disgrace, and thank G-d for that. After all, his stubborn refusal to admit that the gig is up means that the utter disgrace of the IPCC will continue for many a news cycle.
But he’s doubling down on stupid on top of it (h/t Darth Bacron):
Rajendra Pachauri, the besieged head of the U.N.’s International Panel on Climate Change, told the Financial Times on Wednesday that he is the victim of a “carefully orchestrated” campaign to block climate change legislation.
“I would say [there are] nefarious designs behind people trying to attack me with lies, falsehoods,” he told the paper, swatting away allegations that his India-based climate institute, TERI, has benefited from decisions made by the IPCC, which he also chairs.
Which he is right to dispute. Unless you count sacks of gold dropped on your doorstep as a “benefit”, of course.
Climate change skeptics “are people who deny the link between smoking and cancer; they are people who say that asbestos is as good as talcum powder,” he said.
“I hope that they apply it (asbestos) to their faces every day.”
You stay classy, rail monkey. We’re sure that’s going to garner a lot of positive publicity for the U.N. agency that you’re heading. We have a suggestion as to what we’d like to rub your face in as well but, seeing as we’re but a lowly Emperor with an education in actual sciences rather than, say, a famous railroad engineer (and, as such, an expert climatologist as well!), we’re less subtle in our approach. We’d suggest the use of old-fashioned ground glass instead.
But enough snubs about your peasant education. Who can blame you? Your High Priest is a clown who flunked divinity school. Most likely because he kept referring to G-d as “that old geezer who’s sitting in my chair”, based on his particular delusions of adequacy.
We just want to thank you for your stubborn refusal to even attempt to repair the irreparably damaged reputation of the gaggle of bureaucrat boors that you head by simply stepping down. Keep it up.
We’re sure that if you stick to it long enough, the unwashed masses will eventually come around to your point of view. You are, after all, a member of the esteemed class of monkeys who keep the trains running on time.
Thatisall.
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Posted by: Emperor Misha I 12:53 am
Via Powerline (h/t LC Intellectual Conservative)
Anyone who spends half his day talking will misspeak, inevitably; here, though, Obama mispronounces “corpsman” twice, obviously on purpose
We have to dispute the “on purpose” claim. It’s not on purpose, at least not in the “I meant to insult people” way. It’s just that King Narcissus really is that skull-meltingly, mind-bogglingly ignorant. The upside is that he has no inhibitions when it comes to putting his incandescent ignorance on display every time he opens his piehole. That’s some “great oratorical skills”, right there.
Really, King Obamandias, how fucking knuckle-draggingly stupid can you be? We’re asking this because, every time we think that you’ve finally plumbed the vast and pitch dark depths of your own lack of book learning, you manage to prove us wrong, yet again. And trust us, the bar we’ve so far set for your intellect is so low that we had to drill for several weeks to get it down there.
Can’t you get one miserable little thing right in the disastrous string of epic failures that we know as your public appearances? Would it be too unbearably much to ask of you to appear on the screen, just once, without burdening the Imperial Physique with debilitating bouts of paroxysmal laughter?
No, pronouncing “corpsman” as “corpse-man” is not an honest and common mistake, at least not to those of us who actually passed English 101. At this point, we’re doubting that you even attended. Look it up. “Corps” is, and will always be, pronounced “core.” It doesn’t matter if you append a “man” to it. Or do you also think that it’s called “The Army Corpse of Engineers?”
At this point, had you been somebody of at least average intelligence, we’d be advising you to keep your yap shut about things you have not the faintest comprehension of, lest you make yourself look quite the bumbling, functionally illiterate fool that you so verily are, but we also realize that putting that limitation upon yourself would preclude any utterances from you on any subject whatsoever, and if there is one thing that we have learned about you, it is that the moment your voice box stops producing odd, barely intelligent sounds is the very same moment that we’ll notice a cardboard tag tied to your big toe.
The only thing more painful than having to listen to an intellect as far below par as yours pontificating on subjects that you have no knowledge of whatsoever, and believe you us it is painful since we have a famously low tolerance for fools, is having to read even your critics starting their criticisms with words praising your oratorical skills since, for reasons unbeknownst to anybody with a functioning brain, it has become Conventional Wisdom that you’re a “great speaker.”
So far, we have seen absolutely zero evidence for that statement. If we were to grudgingly acknowledge any skill whatsoever in your oral flatulence, it’s that we’d agree that you’d make a fairly pleasant voice-over for auto insurance commercials. Or, for that matter, anything that has been written for you, requiring no skill from you other than the ability to read.
Today, we learned that said written material had better been written phonetically or you’ll find a way to mangle that menial, robotic task as well.
Thatisall.
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Posted by: LC Subotai Bahadur, Lord Pao An 2:38 pm
There are those in the Empire who know Jim Treacher, who blogged as “Mother may I sleep with Treacher?”. A political satirist in the same vein as IOWAHAWK, his deft skewerings have discomfited our enemies many times.
Now he has a new [paying!] gig at The Daily Caller [http://dailycaller.com/] with a blog called THE DC TRAWLER. The Daily Caller itself is no flash in the pan. It is run by Tucker Carlson, who is about as conservative/libertarian as the networks will allow on the air [not very, but you take what you can get, even on FOX News where he had a show] and he was a regular “Sunday Talking Head”.
Now that you have the background, on to the meat of the event.
Jim Treacher was the victim of a hit and run by a black SUV last night in Washington. The vehicle was identified by witnesses and the DC police as belonging to the Secret Service. Later information indicates that it may have been another Federal security agency. Here is what he says:
Give us more, O Emperor! »« AIIIEEEE! My EYES!
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Posted by: LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. 9:13 pm
Well, it passed fairly unnoticed, its importance recognized only by those who were there, and those who have paid attention. On Saturday January 23 the United States Marine Corps turned over responsibility for operations in Al Anbar Province to the United States Army. The last Marine combat operation had been run on January 14th, and it was time for the last Marine infantry battalion still in Iraq, 3rd battalion 24th Marines, to leave. The Army’s 1st Armored Division assumed control for both Anbar and Baghdad provinces.
Anbar was once the heart of the Iraqi insurgency. Cities such as Ramadi and Fallujah were scenes of the fiercest fighting of the entire war, and some of the worst house to house fighting the Corps had faced since Hue in 1968. But after 5 years of hard fighting, of conventional slug fests, IED and VBIED bombings, and COIN warfare, the insurgency was crushed. Iraqis lined up under mortar and sniper fire to vote. Queue’s of volunteers for the fledgling Iraqi Army and National Police were shelled and car bombed. The survivors closed ranks and lined up again, defiantly daring the AQI to hit them again. Iraqis were trained, tested, and blooded; and now stand in place of the U.S. troops they admired and wanted to emulate. And the whole time the Iraqis were struggling to stand on their own and begin building their own country, one free of Baathist tyranny, the U.S. military fought to provide them the environment they needed to be able to take their rightful place in the community of nations.
In the face of a ruthless enemy our military prevailed. While fifth columnists at home called the war evil, our warriors ignorant dupes, the cause unjust, the vicious butchers that were our enemy “freedom fighters”; while they did everything they could to ensure our defeat, our men prevailed. They efficiently and ruthless liquidated the enemy with one hand, while they caressed the children and innocents of Iraq with the other. They performed magnificently, and they won.
Much will be said over the next year about our “responsible draw down” from Iraq. They will say that the war has “ended”. Obama will claim credit for “bringing our troops home”. But few will dare to call it victory. Fewer still will admit that the troop withdrawals were agreed to in the Status of Forces Agreement in 2008. And even fewer that it was made possible by the tactical and strategic victories of 2003 – 2008.
No, they will not claim victory, but make no mistake that it is exactly that. We defeated Saddam Husseins Iraq. In it’s place we sowed the seeds of a western style democracy in the heart of the Islamic world, right next door to the evil theocracy of the Iranian Republic, the birthplace and spiritual heart of the modern Islamo-fascist movement. And we drew in thousands of Jihadi’s into a battlespace of our choosing, where our tactics, techniques, and equipment could perform at their peak efficiency. And we slaughtered them. In our way, not theirs.
The war that Harry Reid triumphantly claimed was lost, was instead won on the dusty roads of Anbar province. It was won in the parlors of tribal chiefs over chia and hookas. It was won in the hearts and minds of the Anbar Sunnis and the Baghdad and Diyala Shias. It was won by the very same men who are now leaving, coming home to a nation who will little notice their return.
In March of 2003 some of the very first Marines to cross the border into Iraq were the Scouts and CAAT teams of 4th Tank Battalion. The very same platoon, loaned out to 3/24 for the final deployment, was part of the last combat operation on January 14th. In fact, some of the very same men were there for both. It was a long, hard fight in between. And they, WE, prevailed. No play of semantics can take away what they, and by extension what we as a nation, accomplished.
As of this morning those Marines, the men of Scout Platoon, 3/24, the last combat Marines in Iraq, are in Camp Pendleton California.
No one, no bastard here in the world, can ever take away what you and your predecessors did. I’m proud to call you, and the war fighters of all of our branches, my countrymen.
Welcome Home Marines, and congratulations on a job well done, well done indeed.
Semper Fidelis.
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Posted by: BC, Imperial Torturer 7:50 pm
(Hat tip to Barth Dacron)
No, not THAT Big Dick.
It seems that another one tried to enter The World’s Largest Rectum™, but he was rejected by the sphincter.
In Saudi Arabia, size does count.
A high level Pakistani diplomat has been rejected as Ambassador of Saudi Arabia because his name, Akbar Zib, equates to “Biggest Dick” in Arabic. Saudi officials, apparently overwhelmed by the idea of the name, put their foot down and gave the idea of his being posted there, the kibosh.
Perhaps the first time in history that any Shoddy Retardian male has denied entry to a large penis into his sand-encrusted shithole.
F.E.T.E.
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